When Forgetfulness Leads To Insight!

I had had a great insight into my experience of something earlier and after discussing it with my husband Mike, we both said, "That would make for a great Monday Musings!" So I sat at the computer, got curious and distracted by other things, and by the time I opened up my website to start typing (a couple hours later) I had forgotten what the peak AHA! insight was that I wanted to write about! I have since remembered the insight, but I wanted to share this mini story because it is the perfect lead-in for what I am about to share.

I'm sure you have experienced a similar forgetfulness like I shared above (hello, everyday!), you can relate to the idea that our mind is constantly washing away our thinking. Our forgetfulness points us to the fact that not one thought is ever fixed, so why is it that so many of us feel stuck, so often? Why is it that we can have the thought "I wonder what I should get for dinner?" or "I love this movie!" or "That's a cute shirt!" and not get gripped by it, but the moment we have an insecure, fearful or angry thought like "What if my presentation doesn't go well?" or "Do I look heavier then I did yesterday?" or the biggy and most common: "What if I'm not good enough?" we believe that those thoughts mean something about us?

Sit with that for a second...

"I wonder what I should get for dinner?" versus "What if I'm not good enough?"

Why does one thought feel like it implies so much more than the other?

Well, as human beings, we very innocently believe that the thought "What if I'm not good enough?" tells us something about who we are, or where we are in the psychology of our minds, because the experience is so heavy when we think it. It feels so incredibly real to us because every thought comes with a feeling, so the emotion that washes over you and the sensations you feel in your body when you have that thought make you feel tiny, insecure and incapable. But guess what?

"What if I'm not good enough?" is a thought, just like "I wonder what I should get for dinner?" Nothing more, nothing less.

But how could this be true, you ask? "What if I'm not good enough?" comes with a plethora of evidence from your own life, with experiences and memories that you can pull up to support the fact that you may not be good enough to accomplish what you're worried about! That's the thing... our thinking is produced by a neutral energy that uses us to pass through, and in using us, it pulls up our own life's experiences as opposed to Henry's down the street (Imagine how easy it would be to disregard any insecure thinking if it brought up pictures from Henry's life? We'd instantly feel empathetic for the guy and forget we were concerned about our own lives! Poor Henry, whoever he is). Does that make sense to you? It resides within us as we think it, but it is not of us. The more you see this for yourself, a space between you and what you're experiencing organically appears so you can allow the experience to pass through you without fearing it or judging it, naturally bringing you back to a neutral, peaceful state of mind.

The true nature of who we are is content and present in the moment. That's why any time we're anything but these things, our body alerts us via feelings and sensations that we're believing our thinking that's made-up and untrue for us, in that moment. We've been hijacked and we're believing the culprit... We're using the beautiful gift of Thought against us.

I love this metaphor: picture a snow globe. You pick it up and shake it like crazy in every direction, causing the snow to whip and whirl around inside the globe. What do you do when you want the snow to settle? Do you tell the snow what to do? Do you judge the way it's falling or whirling around? Of course not! You put it down or hold it still to allow the snow to gently fall to the bottom... the same goes for your thinking. I understand it's difficult when your thinking is making you feel uncomfortable (that's usually the point we start judging it and wondering what it means about us), but just like when you get a cut on your arm and your body sends everything needed to that cut to begin the healing process, if you don't DO anything to mess with your thinking (make sense of it, judge it, breathe life into it), it will settle. It will move through. It will pass. It will adjust itself. As much as you want to feel at peace and 'yourself' without your thinking, so does your mind.

Nothing within you is ever fixed, you are a whirling energy of change being held together by a skin suit. It is absolutely human to have expectations, beliefs, and values - but guess what?! Those are all fixed thoughts, so if anything challenges those things, you feel nuts inside and you won't even be able to see the challenging thought or experience for what it is because you're all wrapped up in what it isn't. Is it bad to have expectations, beliefs, and values? Well, expectations will kill ya.. but beliefs and values? Absolutely not. But the point I'm trying to make is that the more you are aware of what they ARE [thoughts], the more you can ebb and flow with what feels right in your Wisdom, your gut instinct, to then assess, act and experience life from the well of peace and contentment you are residing in under the distraction of the busyness in your mind.

The more I see all of this for myself, the more I realize how truly separate our spiritual selves are from our human selves, and the only thing that toggles us between the two is this magical gift of Thought. I'm literally giddy when I am in flow with my Wisdom and the Universe then I get tossed into my insecure human self. I'm serious, it literally makes me giggle because it's an incredible thing to see! I will forever have that duality of course, and I will forever have moments of being gripped by my thinking because I'm a human being! BUT the moment I remember what is going on and what it is that I'm experiencing when I'm gripped, is when the gratitude and joy kicks in that makes me so happy to be alive and have this understanding. The wealth of who I truly am: love, joy, peace, resilience, confidence.. comes shining through and connects me to the heart of life and others around me. It spills over in every direction and what unfolds for me from there feels like pure magic.

What it feels like to see the magic...

Lastly, I want to leave you with a nugget of wisdom from Mike. I often say that it takes courage to trust and surrender to all that we are and all that unfolds from that knowing, from our Wisdom, our Soul. Mike shared that it felt to him like that was actually the easy part. From his perspective, what takes courage is knocking down the walls of thought that have kept you from surrendering to all that you are and all that you truly know, in the first place.

I completely agree.

Here's to you and all the courage that resides in the wells of your being to choose a different perspective that will knock down those walls. I can't wait for you to see what life can be like once you do.

All my love and see you next week,

Jessie

When Thought Gets In The Way Of Performance

It's Saturday night, the weather is a perfect SoCal temp of 75 with a breeze, the sky is so clear that the nearly full moon shown brighter than the lights below and Mike and I are at the stunning Getty Center museum to see Combo Chimbita, a Colombian rooted NY-based band that gives all the funk, soul and cumbia one could ever wish for on a date night out.

The beautiful Getty

There were views of the city, drinks, dancing (so much dancing) from EVERY age you could think of (variety at it's best since the concert was at a museum), we were ALL having the time of our lives. Then all of a sudden I hear the fierce lead singer Carolina Oliveros say "I don't know what's going on" while she then turned around to stare at her guitar player. Being that Mike is a guitar player, we both knew what was up and were feeling for the guy. His pedal board lost a connection, a power cord came loose - something of that nature. Mike has had to deal with this mid-gig on a plethora of stages as well, but any time I've seen him experience it, he's like a magician. He tests all the possible problems, finds the glitch, and wails right back in time with the tune, merely moments later. The bigger point is, whoever Mike is performing with (especially lead singer Brian from Brian Buckley Band), they ALWAYS continue to sing or improvise, allowing Mike to get it together and the audience is none the wiser.

*Here comes the point*

Instead of allowing that process to happen, lead singer Carolina who had already announced her insecure thinking ("I don't know what's going on"), walked off stage and motioned to the band that they were done! After many minutes of the band talking to each other side stage, much to the chagrin of all who were in attendance, she came back to the stage to say they could not go on and thank you to everyone for coming. Granted, they may have had 20-30 minutes max left of the show, but that's not the point. I literally witnessed her become completely hypnotized by her insecure thinking, ESPECIALLY after having announced it to the world because it threw her into a horrible thought storm that made her nearly dizzy with stress, and off the stage she went. In that moment, I knew I couldn't save her because she had to come down from it all, but I desperately wanted to run after her and tell her what she had just experienced and that she didn't have to let it own her the way it did.

It doesn't matter if you're a performer or entertainer, you can relate to this experience if you've had to have a hard conversation with someone you had a bunch of nervous/insecure thinking about, you've had to deliver a speech at a wedding or give a presentation at work - all of these experiences are susceptible to overthinking in the moment and leading us to having flashes of insecure thoughts that make us blank-out. I used to experience it A LOT as a dancer - like, A LOT. I had SO much insecure thinking around doing well, being good enough, thoughts of being judged when I stood on the audition line, the works. It didn't matter how much I self-talked my way out of nausea, nearly EVERY audition was a mental war. And here's what's worse! I adore dancers and dancing with all of me, so I networked my way into tons of auditions - but do you think being invited to a tiny private audition for a replacement dancer for Beyonce (my dream job at the time), being run by a friend of mine, eased any of the insecure thinking? Nope! The bigger the stakes, the more love I had on an audition because of hopes/dreams/not letting friends down?! The worse the thought storm. In hindsight, each and every one of those opportunities were learning experiences to help the depth of my understanding now, but holy cow was it a painful fight...

every. single. time.

And here's the thing, just like I experienced as a dancer and what I witnessed on stage at the Getty, when we breathe life into that insecure thinking, when we give it value and make meaning out of it, we completely lose ourselves - our GREATNESS - to that thinking. We get lost in translation. We don't show up to the world, the performance, the presentation, the meeting, the conversation, as our true selves. Our light doesn't shine and we aren't able to connect to the heart of others because we aren't present, we're lost in our own reality upstairs that has nothing to do with the moment.

What would I suggest to the amazing and badass lead singer of Combo Chimbita? If you recognize that something is going off track, there's absolutely nothing wrong with acknowledging it, but with the understanding that your mind is constantly bringing you new thought and that you can let it move through you, any opportunity to take a mere moment of pause and choosing to stay in the moment (maybe even saying to yourself 'stay in the moment') will naturally and effortlessly bring you fresh new ideas straight from your Wisdom that will keep you in flow and creative, in an instant. Like I was discussing with Mike, if she had taken that moment of pause (and I'm talking a quick deep breath in, breath out type of pause), amongst a myriad of other options, she could have come to the front of the stage and sang acapella with her Guacharaca. And guess what would have happened should she need to go totally rogue from her original set up and do that?! We as the audience would have been in complete awe. Her voice, her instrument, would have bled love and connection more than anything she had planned in her original set. And if you need an example for being tripped up in a meeting or presentation or speech? Taking that moment of pause can lead you to keeping things light - maybe sharing that you've had a brain fart - no matter the level of serious in the room, humor brings everyone to the present in an instant. Whatever it may be, those are the human moments we connect to - those are the moments that move us - those are the moments we remember.

So if you are a performer or an entertainer, a bridesmaid with a speech or you're concerned about a future meeting or conversation, KNOW that we always rise to the occasion when we're in flow with the moment. When we drop out of our thinking, even just momentarily, magic happens. The Universe has our back and our Wisdom drives the train.

All my love and see you next week,

Jessie

You Know So Much More Than You Think

"How many of you can tell the difference between the living and the dead?"

Dr. Judith Sedgeman, EdD posed this question to a room of soon-to-be doctors, and much to their dismay (and after much eye-rollage), she was adamant to get their opinion.

"Seriously, HOW many of you can tell the difference between the living and the dead?"

One student raises his hand, much to his chagrin... "No pulse, heart stops beating, lungs stop filling up with air..."

Dr. Sedgeman responds, "OK. How can you tell without touching them?"

Long pause in the room.

Another student takes a stab at the answer...

"There's no life"

Dr. Sedgeman: "That's what we're talking about. That energy that you know has left. The spiritual component of our existence."

*Let that sink in for a minute. Take your eyes away from your screen and breathe in that undeniable knowing.*

After hearing this simple yet incredibly powerful example to point to the spiritual nature of life and who we are, I got introspective. Stories of folks at the end of their lives, and experiences of my own, flooded my memory. Isn't it true that we're so often told from the ones we love before they are about to pass away, to live life to it's fullest? That their greatest regret is that they allowed fear to get in the way of endless amounts of opportunities, may it be in reference to their career, love, relationships, adventure, travel, finances and so on?

What comes up for me is that when we have a sense that we're at the end of our lives in our current skin suit, when we're in our final days, we naturally drop out of any and all insecure thinking. There is an element of pure surrender to the natural process we're experiencing and all that is left is the feeling of Oneness that exists between us all. We are 100% our spiritual selves. There's a feeling of not being able to see where 'I' or 'We' end and our surroundings, the energy behind life, begins. It becomes blatantly clear that any thinking that kept us from voicing our love for others or from going after our dreams or what kept us divided (ahem.. the current state of our country) was a complete waste of time, because it was just that... thinking that we believed. Though in the moment, the fearful and insecure thoughts looked really real and seemed to be warning signs that were logical, in the end we see that it was all self-made, it wasn't reality. That it was all BS. And who knows what 'could have been' should we have not paid attention to those thoughts.

One of many personal experiences that I've had that points to our spiritual nature is one that I'll never forget. The week I spent with my grandfather while he was passing was literally like watching a butterfly in transformation. When I first arrived to his home, he was still getting up from his bed with assistance, he could absolutely connect to who I was and speak a few words. As the days passed, his circulation slowed to his extremities and he slowly drifted away in his human self, but he stayed with us. Days went by and finally at 3 or 4 in the morning one morning, my mom called hospice. When the hospice nurse arrived, she took one look around the room and said, "Are you all here, all the time?!" She was referring to the room full of women that wouldn't leave his side - me, my mom, aunt, sisters, cousins, nieces... we all took turns caring for him, rubbing on his feet, sharing stories and laughter around him, eating cereal and making pot after pot of coffee to keep us going. It was my first experience where someone who represented science shown light on our spiritual nature. The nurse said, "You all are keeping him alive." My brain couldn't make sense of it, but I absolutely knew what she meant. His spiritual self, who he was beyond his skin suit, the energy that exists within and around us all, was keeping him connected and plugged in, it had nothing to do with his will power.

Thayer Douglass. My Grandpa.

If you haven't already gotten the gist of the message I'm trying to portray to you, I'll make it very clear.

You can surrender to that knowing, to that Universal Mind, to that greater intelligence, RIGHT NOW.

How, you ask? Oh, I'm so glad you inquired.

You have a factory-installed, innate compass or rather, guide - that is like your own Mission Control center for your life. You don't have to go searching for it outside yourself, you don't need any tools to keep it tuned up and most importantly, you don't have to do anything to know it's there. All you have to do is follow it's inklings.

So what is it?

Your Wisdom. Your gut instinct.

It is 100% connected to the Universal Mind, the greater intelligence behind life. That is why every time you follow your gut, life unfolds without having to work at it. Even when your Wisdom guides you in a direction that looks risky, different, unknown, or you get insights into possibilities on your horizon that seem impossible - it takes courage to surrender to that knowing, but once you do, you begin to live a soul-centered experience of life that's immense. Hard conversations are had with more ease because you are coming from love and that love is felt by everyone involved. Leaps of faith feel supported and the risk isn't terrifying, it's thrilling. Breadcrumbs from the Universe are incredibly apparent and you begin to move in flow with the Oneness of it all.

Many folks have shared with me that what I'm saying makes sense, but are afraid they don't know the difference between their Wisdom and their thoughts. And to that, I answer... it's all in a feeling. Our Wisdom bubbles up one moment before our thoughts clobber the hell out of it with 'logic,' fear, judgement or insecurity. But guess what? No problem. You have a built-in alert system that tells you where the quality of your thinking is. And again, it's all in a feeling. If you are experiencing any feelings of angst, fear, anxiety, depression or physical symptoms of tight chest, sweaty pits and palms, upset belly, etc... all of these feelings and emotions are alerting you that you're believing your thinking that isn't true for you (and if you're thinking of an experience you've had in the past that you're determined is real like a break up or losing a job, it still isn't true for you, now. Why? The experience is in your past. It's important to appreciate it, but then leave it in the past and come back to the moment... it no longer supports who you are now which is why the thought of it makes you feel like shit). Conversely, if you are in any feeling related to joy, excitement, peace, contentment, happiness, love, etc... you are standing in your Wisdom. You are in flow and total alignment with Universal Mind.

Our feeling is the greatest gift. Like the bumps on the side of the freeway that warn you that you're moving out of your lane and you automatically correct your steering... the same is for your feeling in relation to your thinking. Heed it's warning and come back to what feels right. And if you're in a thought storm and feel all over the place and confused? Ask yourself OUT LOUD "What do I need to do now?" and your Wisdom, your gut instinct, will guide you loud and clear. And remember, you are always OK - even if you feel like your well-being has gone missing; You are actually standing in the middle of it, you're just distracted by your insecure thinking that you're believing. It will pass, I promise you. As a dear MFT friend so simply put it: It isn't my belief, it's my experience.

Back to the classroom with Judith Sedgeman:

"Where does that energy come from?" Dr. Sedgeman inquired of her students after them seeing what she was referring to about the spiritual component to life. She clarified that it wasn't a religious question, she wanted to know what they thought intellectually.

The class stayed quiet, they didn't know the answer.

She replied, "It's OK to not know things, and still take them as true."

Ahhhh... trust the feeling as fact, what a gift.

Here's to you, dear reader, and all of the courage that already resides within you to surrender to our Oneness, surrender to your knowing, surrender to your Wisdom and to live in the feeling of hindsight. I am so excited for you and all that is to come.

All my love and see you next week~

Jessie

Sometimes We Just Need A Reminder...

Let me set the stage for you.

I am 18 years old, I had just moved to Los Angeles, and a friend from work asks if I'd like to hang with him and some musician buddies after our shift is over. I oblige, and as I walk into his apartment, a guitar player I was ogling just two months previous when I was brand new to the city is sitting on the couch (cue stomach drop). When I had seen him play those months before, I watched him walk off the stage and into the arms of another girl, so I hadn't even attempted a conversation, though I was bummed she existed, nonethless. I'll never forget how we caught eyes as I walked into the apartment and were introduced. We made small talk with friends, then we took our conversation to the balcony and talked for hours. It was that getting to know each other tête-à-tête where you eat up every morsel of who the person is with pure excitement and hang on every word. I asked him about the girl from his show and much to my excitement, they had broken up - BUT - he was very clear, it had been a rough road for a few years with her and he was loving not being in a relationship (ugh, cue another stomach drop of a different kind). Then, much to my {additional} dismay, just as he shares his elation for no longer being in a relationship, she shows up to his apartment to 'talk.'

Cut to me in my 18 year old innocence, I had hardly dated back home because I was enamored with the dance studio and I was on an emotional roller coaster, poor thing. I was stunned to see her walk in, but I was grateful that his reaction was bereft of any iota of excitement to see her. We wrapped up the conversation and I tried to act cool as I slipped out of the apartment with my head in the clouds and my heart on the floor.

The following day my gut was on fire. I couldn't stop thinking about him and my instinct was to call him. My thoughts ran rampant trying to stop me: "He just got out of a relationship, Jessie! Hell, after last night, he may still be in one! You can't be the one to follow up the next day, YOU JUST MET HIM! Screw that, he's awesome - but is it lame to call? Shouldn't he be calling me? And by the way, he hasn't called YOU, so what does that say? Oh, wait, it's still morning, he's a musician, maybe he's still asleep. Nope, if he was into you, he would've called you by now!" As you can imagine, the hypnotic thought storm was real, but I persevered... "Screw it, call him - you never know where it will lead."

[Ring ring ring]

His roommate (my friend from work) answers... "Hello"

Me: "Hi! Is ___ there?"

Friend: "No, he's at the gym. Is this Jessie?!"

Me: "Oh, yeah, will you let him know I called?" (Cue the cringe)

Friend: "For sure... (Insert sarcastic joke about me calling him first). See you at work later"

Me: "Ok cool. See ya dude!" (Cue double cringe)

The guitar player calls back. My memory is a little dusty when it comes to the details of the next move, but what I do remember was having the exchange that we both knew the spark between us was blatantly obvious. He didn't want to jump into another relationship, not just for his sake, but mine too (melt). We agreed to start seeing each other now and again and every step of the way we would ask each other if we were cool with our pace and be completely honest if one of us wanted or needed to jump ship...

That guitar player is my husband, Mike. And 15 years later, I'm pretty sure we can say the rest is history.

Babies...

Why this story, you ask? Because it dawned on me not long ago that this was one of my first experiences where my Wisdom was loud and clear and I had to battle my thinking to follow it. Not only was it a volleyball match between my thinker and my knower at the very beginning, but when we were getting really serious three months later? My gut was telling me that he could be the one I married, he could be the one I saw myself having kids with, and my thoughts were having a hay-day that I hadn't taken in the lay of the land enough. I had just turned 19 by this point, and I called my mom frantic that maybe I shouldn't be moving towards such a serious relationship without having more experience. I'll never forget our exchange after going around and around about my insecure thoughts (my mom was onto the Three Principles before she was even aware of them)...

Mom: "What does your gut say?"

Me: "That he's it, mom. Like I can really feel like he's my forever."

Mom: "Then why would you trade in a Mercedes for a hoopty?" (hoopty translates to a craptastic new boyfriend).

NAILED IT.

She got me grounded in my Wisdom and that was that. It was right all along, it just took courage (and a little push from mom) to follow it.

For today, whenever you read this, I would love for you to take note of a time that you've done this in your life. Where your gut was screaming and against all odds of your thoughts trying to make enough logic to deter you, you followed it. It can be anything. A job you took the leap for, or a job you chose to walk away from. Following your dreams for a career that seemed impossible, or going to a school where you didn't know anyone. Going back to school or having a kid. Leaving home when you did or leaving a relationship that was toxic. Absolutely anything, big or small - I guarantee you, no matter who you are, that you have at least one experience to glean from. Once you have that memory, sit with it. Think of the ripple effect of positive experiences that happened around that choice of following your Wisdom. Feel the warmth of joy and gratitude all through your chest, from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. Breathe it in for at least a few minutes. Remember what it felt like to follow your gut.

Now...

Go do more of that.

All my love and see you next week...

Jessie

Food For Thought

Hallelujah, I have just completed Whole 30. Can we get a collective Amen?!

AMEN!!!

One more time for all the folks in the back!

AAAAAMEN!!

Woohoo! I DID IT!!

For those who aren't familiar with Whole 30, it is a diet plan (I hate the word diet, but there you go), that you stick to for 30 days (no sugar, alcohol, dairy, beans, carbs - essentially nothing that turns into sugar in your body), and along with weight loss and re-balancing gut health, the intention behind it is it to launch you into a lifestyle change with your food habits. I did it once before at the beginning of 2017 to get rid of some extra weight, which it did and I was so grateful for it. This time around I committed to it purely to re-balance my gut health. It didn't matter if I ate a giant salad, cooked veggies and protein, or a pile of fries or ice cream, my gut was bloating to make me look 7 months pregnant after every meal. All this to say that I feel great AND because life is my greatest teacher, I learned yet again that we always have choices to follow our Wisdom and not believe our made-up thinking, even when it comes to food.

But we always have choices on what to eat and not eat, Jessie, this is not new news!

I hear you! But this is a different conversation.

As I do for most of my days as best I can, I was noticing where my thinking was when I craved certain things I couldn't indulge in, when my mind was telling me I was hungry, or when I was grumpy and I would automatically think it was because of the restrictions of Whole 30. Just noticing. And what I came to realize for myself was that every single reaction in my mind that would kick up moldy, crappy, thought turds of urges, wants and needs, was that they were just that, thought turds. When I would have the thought "Ugh, I wish I could have a glass of wine with my dinner, I'm out with friends for god's sake!" I would notice it, or sense the upset feeling it gave me if that was the more obvious alert, and think to myself, "Do you really want the glass of wine? Or would you rather stick this thing through and get the benefits" and my Wisdom was loud and clear... skip the wine and stick this thing through. Immediate peace would wash over me, no will-power was needed, and I would continue to enjoy my experience instead of feeling like I was missing out. Another thought that would come through a lot was that I craved my favorite taco platter from the local taco truck, not just for the deliciousness that it is, but for the ease. Did I really want to feel the gut pain and bloat that I experience EVERY SINGLE TIME I eat that plate? Not at all. My resolve runs incredibly deep with not wanting to feel that way anymore, plus, it definitely wasn't Whole 30 compliant. So I asked myself, what do I really want? Wisdom: I want Mexican flavor and something quick. Great! Turkey meat lettuce tacos made at home will do the trick (and they were DELISH!)

Do you see what I'm getting at here?

Most of us have a ton of thinking around food. We're forced to make decisions about it multiple times a day, in every state of mind and every mood we fluctuate in and out of. We have habits that we believe are what we need to stick to, but more than likely we made that decision on a day when we made choices about what to eat, and we felt great as a result, so therefore we decided that's what our body ALWAYS needs. We heard from a fitness guru or a health guru or a fad that we can't have this, that, or the other thing, and even if the fad passes or the guru comes out saying that they have the new found key to ultimate health, that old thought is now ingrained in us so we don't sway from it, no matter how it actually makes us feel. And let's not forget the labels! Vegetarian, pescatarian, vegan, raw foodist, high fat low cal, no fat high carb... the list goes on and on.

Do you see how exhausting this is?

What keeps unfolding for me is that the more we have restrictions, habits we have to stick to, labels we have to uphold, the more thinking we have around the 'not having' or the 'not doing,' therefore creating a hell of a lot of internal pressure because we're forcing ourselves to stick to something that isn't necessarily right for us, ALL THE TIME. Think about it - let's say you have decided that you must have three meals per day at 8am, Noon and 6pm with snacks in between. At 3pm, you don't have your snack because you're overwhelmed with work. You now have thinking around the fact that you didn't have your snack, you're in a low mood on your way home because of it, therefore you grab chow mein because you deserve it (hello, low mood), and you eat the whole thing because you didn't eat your snack at 3pm anyhow. You feel like shit, bloated, feeling bad about it - but you're justified. What if you weren't even hungry at 3? What if all of that thinking just led you to this big greasy meal purely because of your thoughts that had nothing to do with hunger or what your body needed or didn't need?

Are you picking up what I'm putting down?

If our thinking is always flowing, if our state of mind and mood is ever-changing, if our bodies are constantly processing things differently due to stress, hormones, increased or decreased exercise, etc - wouldn't it make sense to go with the flow of what our Wisdom tells us our bodies need, as opposed to having any calculated, judgemental or rigid thinking around food? I've seen recently through social media that 'intuitive eating' is becoming a thing and there's already people nay-saying it - why? Because they don't understand the way their mind works and how to connect to their Wisdom. They've used it as an excuse to eat more crap because they think they're following their intuition to a more balanced experience of food, when rather, they're kicking up thoughts that lead to urges and bad habits as opposed to listening deep down to what their body really needs.

Now, am I proclaiming that if you are a vegetarian, you should stop being a vegetarian?! Absolutely not. If you have figured out that your body functions optimally when not eating meat, that's listening to your Wisdom. What I AM saying though, is that if in ten years you have a hit in your Wisdom that a meatball would do your body good, listen to it, don't judge it, just BE. Same for sweets or anything else that isn't a 'good-for-you' choice. The balance will naturally come the more we listen to what our Wisdom says we need and actually act on it (easier said then done, I understand, but totally worth it to observe). Our thinking doesn't have a hay-day when we continually make decisions out of our gut instinct (like everything I talk about!)

If your mood naturally balances itself without effort when you don't grip your thinking, if your brain's chemicals naturally balance themselves when you don't grip your thinking consistently (this is true, yet a whole other subject), if Universal Mind/Greater intelligence/Universe is always guiding you and pulling you forward for your highest good (hot tip: that's where your Wisdom comes from) - then food and eating falls within that same category of trusting what your Wisdom guides you to and you will naturally stay balanced. Does it mean you'd never have a bowl of ice cream again? Nope. No more chow mein? No again. My favorite taco plate? Nope! Again, balance is the key word here - when you aren't deciding from your intellect, your gut will lead you to the fun things, too. This also goes for food you previously decided you didn't like! (I'm looking at you vegetable haters). Who knows where your thoughts were when you tried broccoli for the first time - and when a friend forced you to eat it several years later, you already had thinking around how you knew you weren't going to like it. If thoughts are the gatekeeper to our experience, do you think you were going to fall in love with broccoli with all that distaste already floating around your head? Exactly. And lastly, should you make a food choice out of an urge or out of a reaction to your thoughts, that is OK too. Like anything else, knowing where you are on the map of being in alignment with your Wisdom/Universe versus succumbing to your thoughts is where the internal peace and health lies.

Again, knowing where you are on the map, and simply observing it, is where your peace exists.

With that, I'm stoked to be getting closer to my Wisdom for my food choices moving forward and hope it inspires you, too. It's incredible how the journey and the deepening of this understanding never ends, no matter the subject or experience.

What a gift. What freedom.

All my love and see you next week~

Jessie

In Sickness And In Health, You Always Have A Choice

I've been bubbling on what to share for today - I had a few ideas, good ones, but they were coming from my intellect. Experiences I have had lately that are great examples of being aware of the 3 principles in motion, but they aren't meant for today, my gut isn't sounding the alarm. Instead of pushing myself to sit in front of the computer, I stayed put, knowing my Wisdom would bubble up with something, even if it was in the eleventh hour.

And just like that, as Wisdom always does when you look the other way, it hit me...

I was sitting on the couch watching "The Great British Bake Off" on Netflix (the sweetest [no pun intended] show. I highly recommend it for winding down without having to commit to a storyline), and this massive insight hit me:

Our spiritual selves can be at peace even while our physical human selves, our bodies (or as I call them, skin suits) are experiencing physical changes or pain.

It takes a commitment to the observation of the interplay between the spiritual and physical since in the face of physical pain in our bodies, our thinking can run rampant. But if you can stay in a higher consciousness (awareness) of what is happening in your thinking, you will naturally be given the opportunity to stay in a peaceful, content (even joyful) inner experience. Think about pain or dis-ease in the body, of course you feel it, there's no way around it - every sensation: burning, pinching, prickling, tingling, nausea, etc. But as soon as you feel it, you have the free will to choose to continue breathing life into that pain by way of staying hypnotized by your fearful thinking around it OR you can be aware that you're experiencing physical pain (this is the observing of the interplay I was talking about at the top), and with the nature of how your mind works when you observe, a distance is created between you and the thinking around how much pain you're in, giving you the space to allow that thinking to pass which organically shifts your focus elsewhere.

WHOA.

The more I allow this to unfold, I'm brought back to the fact that our internal experience does not depend on our external circumstances; Therefore our physical pain would be in the same contention for outside experience, since our physical body is outside of our spiritual selves. Are you with me? (Hang in there, this next example will help make it more clear...)

For example, I have always struggled with a nauseated belly when I'm nervous. I was experiencing it the other day just before I left my house for a workshop that I was teaching. First, I was quickly aware that I was in my thinking about how the workshop would go, so my anxiety immediately dissipated when I said out loud, "Jess, you're not there yet which is why you feel anxious and nervous. You always rise to the occasion. Take one step at a time, come back to the moment." Realizing that I had become gripped by my thinking when I wasn't looking, then choosing to get in the driver's seat of my experience, naturally allowed the thinking and feeling to pass. However, because I had gotten so wound up momentarily, my stomach was still nauseated after I felt more peaceful, so my thinking, once released from my grip as far as the workshop, found it's way to focus on my upset stomach. As our minds work, it had a field day with my thoughts around my nausea and I quickly became hypnotized by it. I became even more nauseated as more and more insecure thinking was being created, and I even thought for a moment, "Should I just throw up so I can feel better?" But as soon as that thought swam through, I caught myself believing all of my made up nonsense and took the distance. I knew in that moment, that just like the nature of Thought, the nausea would pass if I didn't breathe life into my thinking around it. And sure enough, I was naturally shifted to focusing on other things and realized many minutes later that everything had left me and I was back in the moment. All of this happened within minutes, by the way, that's how quickly we can be overtaken, as well as how quickly we can catch ourselves and choose a different adventure.

You always have the choice when you observe where you are in your thinking...

Your well-being does not depend on your physical health.

Yet again, a moment of clarity that just came shining through. You can be managing anything from acute or chronic pain to terminal illness, and as much as you breathe life into the fearful or insecure thinking that swims around the physical attributes, because your feelings and emotions come from your thinking 100% of the time, you can choose to stay hypnotized by it or just be aware of what's happening, so it passes through you naturally. You cannot be destabilized from your well-being when you stay in observation and awareness. You are human, of course, so pain can absolutely take you by surprise, your thinking can run a 10k marathon before you catch it, or hell, you can suffer from your thinking around your physical pain just because you feel like it, that's the beauty of free will! But the difference between understanding how your mind and internal experience works versus being gripped by your chaotic mind because you don't know what's happening, is having the freedom to choose how you feel, inside. You are OK either way, because we are always OK (which brings peace in and of itself), but isn't it freeing knowing you don't have to stay gripped by an experience?

Ahhhhh....

All my love, see you next week~

Jessie

Life Is A Gift That May Take Courage To Unwrap

I recently received news that a family member close to someone I love dearly has been given a very tough medical diagnosis. Literally a moment before receiving the news, I had let out a big exhale from all the thought stressors of paying bills, money, the patience it takes to build a really thriving business (we're doing it, the benefits far outweigh the insecure thoughts, but hey.. we're human, too). I know it reads slightly petty to talk about bill stress after having heard such immense news, but that's exactly where the lesson lies. I had a flash...

It was a reminder from the Universe. Universal Mind. The Intelligence behind all things.

In that very moment of exhale I was reminded, with purpose, that what is really important is this life, this time, the love and connection we have to ourselves and to each other, the love that we stand in every day - our core, this moment that we're in - right now. I was hit with massive gratitude that myself and my family have our health, in this moment. That we can call and connect with each other, in this moment.

I reflected on the duality of knowing that your release is not far away, yet what a gift it is to be able to say and do and BE all that you are, and have always wanted to be, for yourself and your loved ones for the rest of your days. What a metaphor for us all to not wait until we're given the expiration date on our current skin suit to be our true selves and TRUST.

I've had many conversations come up lately with clients and family about the courage it takes to truly follow your Wisdom that is always with you, within you. I understand it, wholly. I've been there. It can take literally one thought shift to look at things differently, but as long as you believe the illusions that your thoughts are creating, it can take as long as you need to turn your back to the thinking that isn't real for you - it takes courage. It's a journey of unlearning. We have been told our entire lives that we need this, we need that - for a peaceful life. Even the idea of positive thinking and gratitude - it's been pitched to us that if we don't have those things then our lives will not be the greatest they could be - merely adding more stressful thinking when we feel like we don't have it or can't find it. Here lies the unlearning:

You are already standing in peace and wellbeing that brings forth gratitude, love, joy, contentment. It is intrinsic within you - a constant. It may look like we are on a rollercoaster of our wellbeing going missing from time to time, or even for long periods of time, but it is only our thought-created world within us that distracts us from our wellbeing that doesn't ever go anywhere.

For me, it took a solid year and a half to do the biggest chunk of unlearning to date, and that doesn't include when I first found the 3 Principles, the base to my work, a year before that. While I was studying the understanding behind our true nature and the way our minds work (and maybe this is you right now, with reading my articles), I was constantly left with a good feeling after reading the different books and watching videos of Syd Banks discussing our spiritual nature, yet I didn't have the wherewithal to see it for myself. I would still get incredibly gripped by my thinking - I was in a major career transition and the thought storms were immense. I had so much insecure thinking that I believed to be true that I thought I was the only person on this planet that this understanding was not going to apply to. And yet, I kept going, I kept reading, I kept studying - I couldn't put it down because in the midst of reading and listening, the truth behind the information left me in such a good feeling I knew I had to trust it. That was my Wisdom that was naturally giving me the courage to trust. It gave me hope even when I felt like 'I' had gone missing.

After all of my studying, truth be told, the insights began to roll in the moment I stopped thinking about it (how's that for a mind twist). From listening to leaders in the field of the 3 Principles, it occurred to me that up to a certain point, I had been using my intellect to try and understand it all - how we function and how we can listen to our Wisdom and trust it. It sounded right to me, but I was still analyzing it with my prideful student brain. In all my innocence, I thought I 'had it' because I understood that my feelings were coming from my thoughts, I understood that I look at life through the lens of my thinking in any varied moment, and I understood that the answers to all of my life's twists and turns laid deep within my belly of Wisdom. I understood it, but I hadn't yet realized it for myself (does this sound like you?) I had a moment with Syd's dear friend Elsie Spittle who told me that even in the moments of life looking difficult, she lives in the feeling of excitement of what the next moment or day can bring. With the nature of Thought, she can trust that her current feeling will pass when she lets it. She can trust that when she follows her Wisdom on a moment to moment basis, her goals and dreams will come TO her, and how it all unfolds is always beyond her imagination (and telling me these things tickled her so much she was giggling just sharing it with me, after 40+ years of living this way). I could feel what she meant...

I could feel what she meant.

It was now in my hands to be active in my experience and drop the studying. When I was conscious (aware) that I was being gripped by my thinking (at the time, a lot of that thinking was being worried about things 'working out' in my new career and everything that comes along with that), I would recognize what was happening, which would naturally allow it to pass. It honestly felt like magic. And the moment the gripping, insecure thinking passed, my Wisdom would bubble up and give me guidance and assurance in what to do next. Many months later, I can tell you purely from experience, that the voice of my insecure thoughts is not only quieter, but more rare. The positive thinking and gratitude that we're told we need to experience a more beautiful life? Yes, they make life so much more bright and colorful and rich! But they bubble up naturally and effortlessly without me having to work at it. I spend more of my time in a state of curiosity, excitement, joy, and peace. And what happens when we're peaceful inside? Our Wisdom becomes the louder voice, and when we follow it, life unfolds... just like Elsie said it would.

Sometimes I'm in awe of this state of being. Will thinking and emotions grip me in the coming days, months, years? Abso-friggin-lutely... because I'm human. But having the understanding of what's going on inside of me gives me the tools to not be afraid of what I'm experiencing, which in turn brings me peace even in moments where I can't see clearly.

The take-away today is not to step away from this article thinking you have to work hard at your awareness. Quite the opposite. I share my personal experience with you so you can see that the more you just notice where you are in your thinking, the more you'll naturally be guided from within and see life's little miracles (life hack: your body always tells you where you are in your thinking... and sometimes you'll notice it there first. If you feel yucky in any way possible... you're believing your thinking that isn't real for you). Let me also remind you of this:

You have all the courage you need to follow your inner compass and experience your life to it's fullest potential. The only thing that stops you from trusting it is your thinking that it is impossible for a feeling within you to be the truth. When in fact, it is. Myself among many others have surrendered to it, and life couldn't be more beautiful. Don't wait another moment to be your whole self...

not one. more. moment.

All my love, see you next week~

Jessie

Taking The Leap! An Interview With Leesa Zelken of Send In The Clowns

"It is more than a business for me: it is my calling and my life’s work."

Leesa Zelken, CEO (as she says, Clever Entertainment Organizer TM) of Send In The Clowns, is no less than a force to be reckoned with. Speaking to her about her company, where she started, what her process has been and what she provides for each and every joyous 'kid-centric' event - that she amplifies to the nth degree with beautiful, creative, fresh, unique, enchanting and sensational touches, no less - is like speaking to Mr. Rogers and what he set forth to create for children and learning.

I was lucky enough to work for this incredible woman several years ago as a party performer, and to this day, I proclaim her as being at the top of the list of best bosses anyone could ever work for. Not only did I get to create magic for children all over Los Angeles in the most beautiful costumes with the most epic props and games bringing her imagination to life, but she was incredibly supportive of my path (and still is to this day), extremely generous and always had my back. Needless to say, I can guarantee you each of her employees and performers could say the same about her, and because of that, we had her back with every twist and turn of a balloon animal and shake of a magic wand.

From epic celebrity celebrations to having me perform for children at a homeless shelter, Leesa's heart and creativity knows no bounds - read on for this magical human beings rise to being the leader in her field for 27 years, thus far...

This is Leesa Zelken.. to a T

After having moved to Los Angeles in 1989 to pursue a career in acting (and landing very notable co-star TV roles on shows such as Friends, Seinfeld, and Curb Your Enthusiasm, to name a few), Leesa found herself performing for a friend's child's birthday party completely by chance and it landed her on what she calls the "party career trajectory." As the Universe always works, she was beginning to bubble on needing a career that could provide the 'rush' that she would get from acting and performance, as well as something that allowed for more control, not one of the highlight benefits of an acting career. "I donned a clown suit and performed a fun routine of activities I devised (...) I was the original “clowns are not scary" clown. It was a big hit, I was a natural, and extremely inspired and excited to find a perfect blend of performing and money making. I immediately saw this as an opportunity to start a business, came up with a catchy name, and learned the “tricks of the trade,” such as balloon making and face painting to get the ball rolling on these very basic beginnings of my business."

And so it began...

Jessie: What were the steps you took leading up to taking the leap into your business? How long was this period?

Leesa: In the beginning, I recognized that getting my name out there was the biggest goal. Keep in mind this was 1990/1991, long before social media existed. It was “old school” pound the pavement, pick up the phone approach. I knew I was onto something, but needed opportunities to create interest and word of mouth, which would lead to getting hired and getting paid…oh, yes, getting paid. So, along with my new balloon making and face painting skills (did I mention that I was a “natural” at those, too?) I reached out to local fair and festival coordinators, (was met with a few “no’s” but many welcoming “yes’s”) offering my services for free in exchange for being able to pass out my business card. Immediately, I booked jobs, created cash flow, and took the early steps to establishing my business.

J: When did you know it was time to take the leap full time into SITC? Had you set a specific date? Or did you follow a feeling?

L: Very quickly the interest in me, my business, and what I had to offer caught on. Clients were reaching out, along with their friends, and their friends. I was one of the few people offering services such as mine, and the demand was high. I was honing my “show” adding more services to it, and working non-stop weekend after weekend. I was good at what I did, but there was only one of me. It became very clear, very soon, that I needed to train and hire equally enthusiastic people to do what it was that I did, and this was probably the moment that my labor of love turned into a full time gig. (...) I didn’t follow a predictable path for starting a business. I had no business plan, no forethought into “starting something.” I just stumbled into what I did and learned literally everything I know and have expertise in by doing it day to day (...) Along the way, I learned some things about myself and life and others that added to my success: refrain from saying no to things that simply seem scary but say no to things that seem amiss (<--- Jumping in here to point out that Leesa has refrained from saying no when things seem simply scary because those are thoughts of her own making that are pointless to believe and could keep her frozen, as fearful thoughts do to so many! And saying no when things seem amiss? That's following her wisdom, her gut instinct, which is ALWAYS right. Carry on...), reach out to others for help and support, feast or famine is the way of business and both are necessary and good, have fun in whatever you do.

J: Did you ever have doubts or fears in the beginning?

L: In the beginning I was quite fearless. The quick success, easy money, and—I’ll say it again—“the control” were all exhilarating. I always felt like a rock star, either as a performer or as a party planner. I provided a service for people for a happy occasion and the vibe around what I did and what I offered was pretty positive. I always had cash flow, because of the way in which the operations of my business run, and there was always a confidence in making money and securing clients. In the more recent years, there has been more competition, more changes with social media, and more skepticism on the part of clients, due to financial constraints and just the changing nature of the world, and these things have me more doubtful and fearful as a business owner, at times.

J: Did you have an investor?

L: Nope. Nada. Never. No investor. I only pay for what I can afford when I can afford it. That has always been my approach. If you are running a business at a deficit you are running a business in fear-mode and clients feel that. I run my business in abundance, and that infuses my interactions with clients and staff. (<-- I love this. When we are moving through life in fear-mode that others feel? That is believing our thinking that makes us feel desperate and I can tell you with all of me that the Universe does not respond to desperate energy... ever. She's right on the money).

J: Do you ever have fears to this day? What do they feel like and how do you manage them? What makes you peaceful in these moments?

L: I am very lucky that for the past 27 years I have flourished in my business. I have an 18 year old daughter, headed to Barnard College at Columbia University, and I have been fortunate to run and grown a successful business for all these years, while partaking thoroughly in my “mom-life.” My business has brought me great peace and balance, when the craziness of parenting sets in, and my parenting of a daughter has been more robust because of the role model I have been for her, as I have devoted myself to my work that I love and from which I attain great pride and joy. I think that for me, having one without the other (parenting/business owning) might feel empty, but having both fulfills me in ways that allay all fears and allow for more peace.

J: How do you mentally manage the waves of business that are inevitable?

L: I get pro-active when things seem out of control. I think it is important to not wallow in the dips and bumps in business, but find outlets for revamping, refreshing, and reinventing. Plus, exercise is a great right brain/left brain “workout” and very rejuvenating when I need to step away from “all things party” and give myself a brain break or a kick-start. Thank you, Spin Class, and Pilates for providing great outlets to my work detours and plateaus! (<-- Also, what happens when we work out? We're left feeling more peaceful. When we're peaceful, we naturally make room for fresh, creative thinking to solve a problem, move us forward, or give us fun new ideas!)

J: Any crazy stories to share?

L: In the kiddie party business there is no shortage of crazy stories: like the time we were asked to deliver elephants to an event with just 3 days notice (the elephants were all booked up, but we did manage 2 camels, a giraffe, and a zebra), or the time that our Dorothy character showed up to an event missing one ruby slipper, but managed to find a pair 2 sizes too small on the wicked witch prop for temporary use (her feet, oy—her poor feet!), or the times (yes times) some of our party princesses had to pull off to the side of the FREEWAY with a broken down car in full princess ATTIRE!, and on and on…. Bottom Line: we have a CAN-DO attitude no matter what the “crazy."

J: Any advice for people who are considering taking the leap into their own business?

L: Well, since I didn’t “leap” but “sashayed”, I would probably recommend the latter. Seriously, just love what you do and the rest really does seem to follow. Dive in because of a passion you have, and stay true to your goals. Honor those around you who help you grow and lend support to your business, monetarily and otherwise. Act with integrity and believe in the fact that there is plenty to go around.

J: Any final thoughts you’d like to share?

L: Yes. I most especially want to share this one aspect of my business that I never could have predicted, and something that specifically speaks to my relationship with you, Jessie. I have often said, over the years, “I am only as good as the people I have representing me”, and this adage has really been the cornerstone of my business success. I have been fortunate enough to gather and hire amazing staff, and colleagues to be a conduit to many of my clients. Business owners often talk about how “hiring” and “maintaining” great staff is the hardest part of managing a business. For me, this has never been the case. Not only have my staff over the years astounded me with their commitment, energy, and creativity, but many have become dear friends of mine, and of each other. I have seen these dear friends get married, have babies, and find other fulfilling businesses and careers, and many have remarked how SITC has influenced them in some way or another in these endeavors. Not only can I revel in the accomplishment of a great business with great clients, but moreover I can feel deep gratitude for the people of SITC who helped create this well-oiled party machine.

As Leesa said, Send In The Clowns has absolutely influenced me in braving the world of entrepreneurship, but not in the way you might think. Like the rest of my work and what I share with you all, the feeling Leesa left with me after graduating from her company is what stays with me to this day. Having a boss I admired and respected, standing in her purpose and seeing the strength and joy that came from that is what will always provide a touchstone example for me for the rest of my days. My dear colleagues Molly and Heather wholeheartedly agree and jumped at the opportunity to share their love for Leesa...

From Heather: "What I've always appreciated about Leesa, and found so inspiring, is how she puts her whole heart into each event we do. Whether it's a new client or a repeat, she puts all of herself into the creative effort to make sure each party is fun, flawless and unique for that family. There is never any question about how much she cares about her business and the care and effort that goes into each party."

From Molly: "One of my favorite things about working for Leesa was how appreciative she was about a job well done. You could tell she meant every word and it was incredibly motivating to feel so valued as a team member. I've worked in many industries and it has always stuck out to me how much Leesa recognized and made you feel appreciated for your work. I also loved/love how Leesa really enjoys creating and imagining party concepts from thin air. You can tell it brings her true creative joy and isn't just a job or career or company to her. It's genuine fulfillment and it's such a beautiful thing to see."

Finally, a true testament to what it is like to stand in your purpose and allow wisdom to continue to guide you and allow life to unfold in front of you. Leesa's final sentiment when talking about her beloved company: "I have nurtured it, cared for it, struggled with it, and honored it, much as a parent does with a child. Moreover, I have trusted Send In The Clowns to lead the way, growing and developing at just the right times, maturing and leading when called upon to do so, pausing and re-inventing when necessary."

Thank you, Leesa, for being one of my, and so many others, greatest teachers by standing in your purpose, following your wisdom, and letting life pull you forward. What a gift to us all!

All my love and see you next week,

Jessie

Curious about all that Send In The Clowns has to offer? Check out their WEBSITE or INSTAGRAM! 

One Of The Keys To Life...

Really feel out this statement: Your emotions get in the way of every great thing in your life.

On first reading, does that feel true for you? Read it one more time: Your emotions get in the way of every great thing in your life.

Not so long ago I was putting some new thought into redefining what I do and how I explained my work to the world because I was finding my old descriptions were getting lost on people. Saying that life is actually an illusion and it's all being created on a moment to moment basis by your thinking, is quite meaningless to people when all they've asked is, "What do you do?" As I searched and bubbled on the question "Why me?" considering there are a million and one self-help gurus, therapists, healers, reiki masters, etc for people to choose from when feeling in the dumps or needing help to make change in their life - this is one of the lines that bubbled up:

Your emotions get in the way of every great thing in your life.

The more my intellect put that statement to task, it became more and more clear to me how true it was. I have absolutely experienced it in myself and I have definitely witnessed it in my friends and acquaintances around me. And I'm not talking about the beautiful, love-filled emotions that connect you to the heart of others and your surroundings, I'm talking about the emotions that fill with you with worry, fear - the emotions that make you feel guarded.

Think about how often an emotion is the thing that stops you from moving forward, from connecting, from risking, from being your ultimate self. Let's start off with the glaringly obvious moments where it stops us: Asking for a raise or promotion, a major audition, having difficult conversations with our partner, having difficult conversations with our children or family member, having difficult conversations with our friends, buying a house, moving out of our current living situation, taking the leap into a new career, socializing at a networking event... this list can go on and on. Then we can boil it down to the minutiae of our daily living when an emotion gets in the way: Seeing an old friend at the store unexpectedly (and most often, avoiding them), witnessing a stranger being emotional and not reaching out, adoring something about a stranger and not letting them know, eating a treat, NOT eating a treat, saying no to intimacy with your partner (this one hauls in a plethora of emotions that can get in the way: too tired, too overwhelmed, too much on the mind, too little time, putting it off... etc), getting out of the house to exercise, reaching out to a friend to catch up... seriously, this list can also go on and on.

For a lot of you out there, with most of your daily experiences, your emotions are holding you back from acting out of your wisdom.

Why?

Because with every thought, comes a feeling. To say it differently, you are feeling your thinking 100% of the time, not the experience in front of you. When it comes to moments where we have to risk, be vulnerable, connect without expectation - we jump right into fearful, insecure or judgemental thoughts, and guess what that does? Well, because feelings go right along with those fearful, insecure or judgemental thoughts, that thinking looks really real in that moment, and even though you've made it up, you believe it more than your wisdom that was about to take you into action.

Now, will your wisdom misguide you? No - never. Your gut instinct, your wisdom, is rooted in who you are before all of your thinking. On top of that, like a wave in the ocean, you are a part of a greater intelligence behind all things, a Universal Mind that is keeping you afloat even when you aren't paying attention. And who you are, who every single one of us IS at our core, is pure love, understanding, peace, joy, appreciation and gratitude. If you don't believe me, think of a time when you're most peaceful, joyful, or relaxed - got a picture in your mind?

Now check in with the feeling in your body... feels pretty good, right?

You just experienced in real time, a feeling that came from your thinking (and if you just plowed through reading this, go back and invite some beautiful experiences into your mind, I don't want you to miss out).

When you're in that peaceful place, that is what I call having a neutral mind, it's what you auto-correct to when you aren't being deceived and distracted by your thoughts. And when you're in neutral, wisdom has room to bubble up. By the way, sometimes our wisdom will tell us to hold back, don't go over there, don't make that call, don't talk to that person - but it's always for our highest good, guiding us down the path of least resistance EVEN in the face of life seemingly showing us bold resistance. Your internal experience does not depend on your surroundings or circumstances, you don't have to take my word for it, just listen to the feeling inside of you after reading this - your own wisdom will tell you.

So to bring this right-to-the-point lesson full-circle: Life is too beautiful, exhilarating, fulfilling, loving, moving...  for you to miss out on connection and being your true, ultimate self 24/7. Emotions will happen, thinking will grip you... you're human! My thinking still grips me! I just allow it to pass within moments these days as opposed to hours or days later, because if it doesn't feel good, it isn't true. When you allow that gripping, insecure thinking to pass, the feeling that fills you up - the warm and loving emotions - will change your life. And from there, you have the freedom to choose what is best for you, always. You have the tools to master your behavior because you aren't living in your own reality that no one around you is even privy to.

I will leave you with a quote from Sydney Banks, the beautiful human being who had the insight into how our minds truly work:

If people could learn to stop reacting to their experiences in life, we'd all be fine.

So simple. So true. Let that sink in. Re-read it. Realize it for yourself. To the extent that you understand that you don't have to take your experience or your thinking or feeling seriously, you are protected from being destabilized. You just observe it, and you're back to neutral.

So for this week, do me a favor and be a witness to your internal experience. That's it. Don't stress about doing anything about it or working at anything. Just witness it... that in itself is going to bring beautiful shifts in your experience of life. It will look a little more like this...

My Grandma Adell in all of her glory...

All my love and see you next week~

Jessie

"You Are Not Alone"

"NO ESTÁN SOLOS!"

AGAIN!

"NO ESTÁN SOLOS!"

AGAIN!

"NO ESTÁN SOLOS!!!"

The feeling, in this moment, I am going to do my best to describe. What you've read above is the phrase my best friend and voice for healing, Natalia Cordova-Buckley, engaged in with the crowd of thousands at the Families Belong Together march this past Saturday. This was her rallying cry at the end of the most heart-to-heart, honest, and inspiring speech, translating to: "YOU ARE NOT ALONE!" for the families, single mothers and children being faced with more pain and suffering when they had dreamt of hope, change and belonging when arriving to the U.S. She spoke to the humanity in all of us, she spoke to the wisdom in all of us, she spoke to the hope in ALL of us; And in that moment, while I and thousands of others raised our voices to the ether in unity, with love coursing through us, I felt the Oneness.

Oneness?

Yes. I couldn't tell you where I began and where the world and people around me ended or vice versa. I've had experiences of this feeling before when I am in ultimate bliss and peace, but it was magnified times infinity. Of course my love and pride for what Natalia was so bravely speaking to, the fact that she was standing in her purpose, in wisdom, in flow, blew me away with gratitude. But additionally, to look around to see every walk of life, every ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender, socioeconomic background, coming together for the same purpose - for humanity - created a whirlwind of electricity and light that swirled all around my insides and came pouring out of me and all around me. My awareness brought to life, yet again, that we are truly all coming from and functioning within the same energy, the only differences between us is our thinking. My heart, my chest and my belly all felt warm - tears streamed down my face. THIS is what we ALL are at our core - we are love and understanding in motion, our heart connection is inevitable, when we don't get in our own way.

When we don't get in our own way.

I share experiences every week to help identify and explain the energy of Thought as well as the content of your thinking and how you can move away from it. About your wisdom that comes from Universal Mind - the greater intelligence of ALL things that you can distinctly identify by that nagging feeling in your gut when wisdom is trying to tell you that YOU have the answer. About how your Consciousness goes up and down all day every day, depending on if you're aware and can observe where your internal experience is coming from. Need a reminder? Here's an example of higher Consciousness (awareness) "I'm feeling so anxious right now. What am I thinking about? Oh, next weeks meeting, and since I'm not there yet, I'm feeling anxious. Ok - let those thoughts go, I'm not there yet, wheww... " Result: back in a peaceful, neutral mind - back to the moment; Versus feeling anxious, reacting to that feeling by getting mesmerized by your thinking that created it and getting deeper and deeper into the whirlwind thought storm by having more thinking about the thinking that created the anxiety in the first place. This is the result of lower Consciousness because you're reactive to your internal experience as opposed to observing it (by the way, we're all human.... we ALL experience the roller coaster of Consciousness, don't stress).

Alllll of this to say that when I share these experiences, these observations, they're based in ordinary life occurrences that we can all relate to, but guess what? Having this understanding relates to politics as well. I have an intuitive notion that some of you just read the word 'politics' and the hair on the back of your neck stood straight up, no matter what side of the line you're on. Isn't that amazing? That is evidence, right there, of the power of thought. Just the word 'politics' can send you off into a hypnotic world of thinking and now you're having a different experience. Maybe it triggers fear that I'm going to launch into a political debate, maybe it triggers your fears of the state of our country, maybe it triggers your feeling the need to defend yourself because you're in support of the current administration - maybe you're feeling none of these things in this moment but you've experienced exactly what I'm talking about in other situations. But the reality is, just as we have the free will to change on a moment to moment basis depending on our thinking in that very moment, we have the free will to shuck and jive in the political climate. You may be thinking "That's impossible! My politics reflect my values and who I am!" Well, that's exactly it. So many folks get caught up in the thoughts of who they have identified themselves with/who they have labeled themselves as (or who their parents/families identified with, so they've adopted the same political affiliation), that they lose sight of what is happening in the moment in our country. They don't see what is unfolding, therefore they aren't given the opportunity to be curious about if what is unfolding is truly a reflection of what they value, or rather, what feels right to them. It truly does, like everything else in life, boil down to a feeling inside. If what you're trying to process about the state of our country doesn't feel right to you, then honor that feeling. Know that that is your personal alert system within you telling you that something isn't right, and it only takes one thought shift, to have a different experience.

If you are sensing by any stretch of the imagination that I'm trying to sway you a certain way politically, I'm not - and if you feel that way, you are looking at me through a lens of thinking that has nothing to do with me. Maybe I have stirred up something inside of you, and I would encourage you to get curious about it. What I AM saying though, is that I know with ALL of me that every single person on this planet is standing in the middle of mental health and stability, and that connection I felt so strongly at the march was the connection that exists between each and every one of us. We often miss the opportunity to feel it (both the connection to others AND our mental health and stability) because we're caught up in our mental chaos. That's it. We're at the movie theater but we're watching a different movie on our phone, missing all the action on the big screen. If anything that is unfolding in your community or the country is giving you a nagging feeling but you feel so identified by your political party that you're ignoring that feeling, know that your identity to your political party, like everything else, is just a thought. It is your right as a human being on this earth to honor your feeling first, and use your free will, to abandon that thought. It's much less lonely, it's much less divisive. And may I add some personal two cents? Where we are today has nothing to do with Democrat or Republican - it just doesn't. The core of every experience right now is our humanity being put through the ringer, period. I have chosen to let go of any previous experiences or judgements of everything having to do with a political label, because it has been proven to me, time and time again, that once a thought is released, humanity shines through - no matter what party you used to identify with, or plan to go back to, once this nonsense has passed.

To close, I would love to share a portion of Natalia's speech that speaks directly to the heart of every human being - our ESSENCE - nothing more.

"... I urge you all to continue participating. To take action as you are doing by being here today. Some day these children will read about this in the history books. They will read about how kind hearted strangers fought for their freedom and rights. They will know they were seen. They will know they were welcomed. They will know that they belong. They will in return do the same for others. THIS IS HOW WE HEAL HUMANITY!"

Pictures above of the Los Angeles Families Belong Together turnout, Natalia speaking, the biggest squeeze ever after she spoke, a snapshot with Natalia and Marianna Burelli, and the crew.

All my love, see you next week~

Jessie

Honoring Wisdom Over Your Thought Turds

A few years ago, my husband Mike and I had plans to hang out with our best and dear friends at their house. A casual mid-week evening catch-up that would serve as a boost to get through the rest of the week. I remember that I was in an absolute hole - a deep one. The kind that made everything look dark and impossible. I was in the midst of a major career change, but didn't have a vision of where I was headed yet, so I was often in a state of mental chaos. Mike kept saying to me, "Let's just cancel! They will completely understand!" but I knew in my gut that I wanted to see them - I didn't really know why because I was an absolute basket case and looked as such, but it didn't feel right to cancel. The whole way over I was complaining about my sadness and the circumstances in my life that I knew for sure was the reason for it. When we arrived at the house, I couldn't get out of the car - I was so incredibly upset, but I still wanted to see them. So being the wonderful human beings they are, they came out to the car and stood by my open window while I sobbed and told them everything that I thought was horrible about my life. I practically fell into a panic attack because my thoughts were being spun up a million miles an hour and I felt incredibly trapped because of it. After a good chunk of time of me going on and on and getting tons of love and arm squeezes from my besties, we headed back down the hill.

Why share this experience with you?

It was incredibly pivotal in my understanding of how my (our) experience of life is being created. Read on for more clarity...

As we drove away from our friends, I remember feeling a little embarrassed by my extremely upset state, which was odd because I had absolutely been vulnerable with them before and felt safe to do so. Looking back, as I mentioned earlier, I was beginning to get a glimpse into the notion that my thoughts were creating my experience. Though life looked really stressful at the time and everything I shared with them felt really real, it was the first time the flicker of insight that my feelings are always coming from my thoughts began to spearhead my consciousness (awareness). I remember recognizing that the suffering I was sharing with them was all in reaction to the swirling thoughts that were going through my mind in that moment, and not what was actually happening in front of me. It felt a little out of body, to be honest - I couldn't even judge myself for being crazy, because I could see for the first time why I couldn't stop going on and on: I was reacting to my thinking. My in the moment experience was my husband and two friends looking at me with incredible love and care and offering up their supportive advice, but what I was experiencing internally was thought after thought that brought me pain and suffering, so that is the experience I was living in - I was appreciative of their care, of course, but I completely missed out on the heart to heart connection that comes with being in the moment, which would have inevitably brought me peace.

It's incredible looking back on something like this and seeing in hindsight how wisdom is at work, even when we aren't aware of it. That the principle of Mind, the greater intelligence behind life that our wisdom and insights come from, always ALWAYS has us. If Mind is the ocean, we are a wave within it. Even through the chaos of my personal thinking, I was able to follow the feeling that my wisdom was making me privy to - a peaceful knowing inside that I needed to make that visit to my friends. I know now that I needed to unravel in front of a different audience to experience a bit of a shake up in my awareness. I had fallen apart like that with my husband and parents, of course, but this insight was never able to come through after speaking with them because I would stay in the spin in my head. It took having this different experience in front of my friends to make me see what was actually happening in that moment. You know when you get advice from someone over and over again, then you hear that same advice from a different person and you feel like you've heard it for the first time? It was a similar feeling to that!

If you're an avid reader of mine, you may be thinking, "But wait a minute - if our experience is coming from inside out, it shouldn't matter who you're talking to - how did that insight come through during such an intense thought storm with your friends and you claim it couldn't come through with your parents or Mike?"

Ugh, you guys are so smart - I'm SO GLAD YOU ASKED!

Having the different experience of my friends as opposed to Mike or my parents, naturally made me reflect on what had just happened with my melt down, therefore allowing a *moment* of internal peace during that inquiry! In that moment of peace, wisdom saw that the door to my intellect was open for a split second and it ran through just before I slammed it shut again to launch into more chaotic thinking. What an incredibly relieving realization, that our wisdom will take any opportunity to spearhead the storm in our mind, even when we aren't aware of what's going on.

This points to such a beautiful part of life that we all so innocently aren't aware of. We have a bottomless well of knowing, an internal tour guide if you will, that is ALWAYS directing us... nudging us along through life. But when we're gripped by our fearful thinking about ANYTHING, we believe our mind is trying to warn us about something that we should pay attention to. It isn't so. Those fearful thoughts are purely thought turds trying to clog up the well (sorry for the image, but you got it, I bet!) The more we're conscious (aware) of this process, the more we naturally check in with our wisdom and begin to ignore our thinking when it doesn't feel right. And when we do, we return to a peaceful state, naturally allowing our new, fresh ideas and guidance to bubble up from our wisdom, turd-free.

Sydney Banks, the wonderful human being who had the initial insight into this life-changing perspective, the 3 Principles, had this to say...

"Look in the mirror and you will find one of the wisest people on earth IF you can take your personal thoughts away."

You've got it all within you dear readers - every single answer you've been looking for. But I will continue to share every experience possible with you, so you can see your reflection in me.

All my love and see you next week~

Jessie

The Big Reveal

Today, I am going to share with you all the one and only skeleton in my closet. Such a skeleton that I had to share it with my family and friends individually, because I was so afraid that they were going to be upset with me that I betrayed their trust by keeping up this lie.

Are you ready?

For the last 30ish years, I have lived my life eating really spicy food and proclaiming that I didn't feel the heat on my tongue - that I must be 'missing' those taste buds. I would be tested by every new friend over a plate of super spicy thai noodles or by party goers standing over the super spicy salsa at the snack table - all eyes on me while I chomp down a thai chili or a chunk of jalapeno to prove that I wasn't even bothered...

If you haven't caught my drift - therein lies the lie. I have always been able to feel the heat, down to every last ass-burning bite. I have just acted my fool head off to keep up this outrageous thought that I let everyone believe... my ENTIRE life. Until recently.

Why in the world would I come to such a fable, you ask? And why keep it up for so long? Well, as I would hope you would imagine, it all started with the most endearing of intentions. Looking back, I want to give my little self the biggest hug because it was quite the caring notion. When I was probably around 5 years old, my parents and I were at our favorite Mexican restaurant in Northern California, Cafe Delicias (for any NorCal readers, if you haven't been to this heavenly authentic restaurant, it's a must). When you sit down, as per usual, you are brought chips and a mild salsa and an extra salsa dish. At your table is a ketchup bottle with their homemade super hot salsa... this is what the extra dish is for. My parents would always indulge in the spicy salsa, but the tiniest amount - literally a corner of their chip would go in before they loaded up with the fresh pico de gallo. One day at this tiny age, I grabbed a chip and went all in, in the hot stuff... full dip. My dad immediately tried to stop me with worry that I had way too much on my chip and I was going to burn my mouth, to which I replied by eating the chip and saying, "I'm like grandpa! See! I can eat spicy things and it doesn't bother me!" (Even though my mouth was on fire). You see, one of my favorite stories that my dad tells about his dad (who passed away when I was 2 years old), is that he remembers him loading up every dish he could with Louisiana Hot Sauce and LOVING it. And because I knew my dad missed him, I saw this as the perfect opportunity to be just like grandpa so he felt connected to him! All of this going on in my tiny little mind.

Cut to the years passing by and every time the subject of spicy things would come up, or a spicy dish or dip would cross my path, I had to stick to this fable because if my mom and dad found this trait to be an endearing genetic part of me and they didn't know the truth, I had to tell everyone I knew so I never got caught in the lie. Now really think about that - for just under 30 years, this spicy food lovin gal had to act every. single. time. I had to withhold myself when people were in awe, I had to dodge questions as to why my head was sweating bullets but my mouth wasn't on fire (well surely, I told you it's because it's an issue with my taste buds, not anything else! Duh!) I was never able to comment on my food and say "Woo! This is spicy!" I can't tell you how many jalapenos I ate in my twenties to prove myself until I finally realized I could tell people it messed with my stomach too much, to get out of having to do it. Everyone I met was totally floored, friends and family would even tell people they knew when I wasn't around because they loved this fun fact so much. I get it! It was like the party trick of all party tricks - so much cooler than a double jointed shoulder or being able to wiggle your ears (though I find both very impressive).

So what made me come clean? Honestly, my first move was to tell my husband Mike because we're so damn open and honest with each other, I couldn't believe I had this huge fib hanging over my head, and I was tired of keeping it together (we both love spicy food, it was exhausting). If you know me personally, you know I like to set up a story (to a very lengthy fault, sorry friends), so once I had finally revealed that the skeleton in my closet was that I could really feel the heat with spicy food, he was incredibly relieved that my big lie wasn't that I had been cheating or falling out of love with him. He laughed, I laughed, then I cried - I couldn't believe, as well as he couldn't believe, that I had altered my life so much to uphold a thought in my head, and saying it out loud made that fact REALLY REAL. At that point I still professed that I was going to keep it quiet from the rest of the world, especially my dad, because I couldn't imagine breaking his heart that this connection between me and grandpa wasn't real. But after several months of hemming and hawing, as well as Mike encouraging me to finish the job, I did it. I called dad first, and though I'm sure you're all on the edge of your seat wondering what his big reaction was, he didn't even really remember what I was referring to! Mind you, I never brought up the subject if I didn't have to because I felt so guilty, and dad and I rarely eat spicy things together, so 15 years of being out of the house, this trait was no longer in his reality. And to top it off, he tenderly pointed out that his dad was always able to feel the heat, he just LOVED it! But in my tiny mind when I told the fib, I couldn't imagine anyone liking to have their mouth on fire like my gramps so surely he just couldn't feel it! Lawdy lawd. The next few weeks was an unfolding of telling more family and friends, all to which I built the story up way too much and they burst out in laughter when the truth came out. What a relief.

Are you wondering why I've told you this story? Well, for one, considering our very trying times, I thought you might find it a light read. But more seriously, I would like to point out to you that when I was tiny, I was doing the best that I could with the thinking I had going through my mind in that split second moment of eating a bunch of spicy salsa and I took the opportunity to connect with my dad who I adored. Each year after, I had this belief in my head (a THOUGHT) that I had to carry on this story as if it defined me or else I may hurt someone's feelings for not being truthful (ANOTHER THOUGHT!) And any time I had the urge to just blurt it out, I would have pictures in my head of what everyone's reaction would be... stunned, upset, saying that I was a liar and what else have I lied about.. seriously! Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts!

The lesson is, our thoughts run deep, and more than likely if they don't feel good to you when you think them, they aren't for you anymore. And on top of that, more than likely they aren't important to anyone else either because we're all caught up in our own reality trying to survive life with the thinking available to us every moment of every day!

So here's to you turning over old thoughts in your head, and here's to me being able to forevermore proclaim "Woo! This is spicy!"

All my love and see you next week~

Jessie

Anthony Bourdain: A Tribute & A Wake Up Call

"He was an ambassador of the Soul"

It's true. My husband Mike hit the nail on the head when the tragic news of Anthony Bourdain ending his life flooded our social media feed.

Like many folks, Mike and I became fans of Anthony Bourdain during his "No Reservation" days - loving his raw, honest, sometimes rough (always tell-it-like-it-is), completely heart-connecting way of being. He opened our eyes to different cultures, he made us excited about the potential to follow his footsteps in our future travels, spotlighting completely pedestrian yet delicious diamond-in-the-rough places to eat. Screw the reviews from hoity toity know-it-all food critics, if the meal was delicious, that's all that mattered. Whether it be from street carts to a hut in the middle of the Amazon, dumpling houses to finding out what your neighbor is REALLY GOOD at making, connection was Bourdain's mission and food was his love language.

Observing the outpouring of love for this tower of a human being after his passing made me realize something pretty huge and profound about his purpose. He made each and every one of us feel like his friend, like we were the only ones getting in on these secret, divey, hole in the wall eateries all over the world. He opened our eyes to the politics, misgivings and misrepresentations of so many different cultures - and the way he showed us through his gift of revealing and honest conversation made us feel like we had a seat at the table or around the campfire; We were his personally invited company to each of his adventures. He asked the hard questions and because of his incredible deep listening skills, curiosity and open heart, humanity was revealed in every individual he was breaking bread with.

I don't think I will ever forget his recent venture to West Virginia for CNN's "Parts Unknown" that literally left me in tears. With judgements that I didn't even realize I had, until he unveiled his own and I saw my reflection in him, to witness the duality of this extremely open-hearted culture of kind human beings with staunch beliefs that would normally make the hair on the back of my neck stand straight up; Again, the conversations, the connection, his willingness to hear their perspectives and to share why his and my progressive world can't stomach them, was an art. When he asked why this previously very democratic state voted red for the most "city-slicker, anti working-man, 3x married president," they earnestly answered: because they didn't feel heard in the plight of coal-mining. They were told by the left that their jobs would be lost when most don't have anything but 7 generations of coal-mining history behind them with no higher education. Alternately, Bourdain ingeniously then asked, "Would you tell your kids to work in the mines?" and the response was a collective "NO" - he looked for the gap, so we could see the gap. The understanding and humanity was felt. These are good people who see the argument of the environmental problem with coal-mining but don't feel like they have any other way to turn, so with every last penny earned they will send their kids to college with the pride of a black-smudged dime.

This was the Bourdain we knew, the feeling we held for him when we brought him up over dinner with friends. His heart extending beyond himself to others, to have empathy, to see, feel and make US feel, that we are all one - in search of a delicious soul-hugging meal. As I was reminded by his dear friend Helen Rosner in her beautifully written tribute in the New Yorker, Bourdain was effortlessly honest with his audience about the shadows of his depression as well.

In a 2016 episode of “Parts Unknown,” set in Buenos Aires, he held an on-camera therapy session. “I will find myself in an airport, for instance, and I’ll order an airport hamburger,” he says, lying on a leather couch. “It’s an insignificant thing, it’s a small thing, it’s a hamburger, but it’s not a good one. Suddenly, I look at the hamburger and I find myself in a spiral of depression that can last for days.”

I know what the beginning of this spiral feels like, as I'm sure you do. That triggering thought or that triggering experience that begins the thoughts that lead you to your habitual thinking that feels 6 feet deep. I don't care if you're experiencing depression for the first time, if you feel like you just deal with 'low days,' or if you find yourself under so many layers of chaotic thinking that you can't even remember how to breathe - any whirlwind in your mind that leads you to feel like the ground is literally no longer beneath you and that your inner compass won't stop spinning, can make you feel lost in the most profound of ways, I've been there.

To this day I can feel the flutter of those triggering thoughts arise, like when you feel like you're about to hiccup... Before I actually have the thought that can send me down a spiral or into a storm, I sense it first... like the hiccup. This is the energy of Thought - this is the gift of Thought - this is the principle of Thought - this is where the power of understanding Thought can change your life. When I read the news about Bourdain, I literally yelled "NO!" out loud, before fact checking the internet. I couldn't believe what I was reading. As soon as I saw that his death was confirmed, I was thrown into a complete and utter sadness that overwhelmed me for the rest of the day. Why? Because I wish I was there to speak with him, I wish he knew what I know.

What do we always say about people who are, or have considered, ending their life? They have suicidal thoughts... read that again... they have suicidal thoughts. As a culture, we are innocently calling out the issue without recognizing that the answer is right in front of us. The energy of Thought is transitory, it doesn't EVER stop, and the quality of our thinking goes up and down all day, every day. We, as humans, have the gift of turning that formless energy (that feeling that I sense when my depressive thoughts are on the horizon like the feeling of a hiccup), into FORM (pictures in our mind). It is literally the superpower of our personal thinking minds - WE are the thinkers, WE create those pictures. Imagine stepping outside and feeling a beautiful breeze surrounding you, and you reach out to grab the breeze then open your palm to reveal sand - like magic, you grabbed the formless but energetic air and turned it into something. That is what we do as thinkers. We take the energy of Thought and turn into the form of pictures in our mind.

By way of the principle of Consciousness (awareness), these pictures become VERY REAL to us because our feelings come from our thinking 100% OF THE TIME - no exception. It doesn't matter what your circumstances outside of you are, you are feeling your thinking every moment of every day. You are creating your outside reality by way of your inside thinking, and being aware of this, is the gift of Consciousness. So as you can imagine when you are in the middle of a thought storm, with so many thoughts that you can't even keep up with how fast they're firing in your mind, you feel like you can't breathe, you feel like you're not worthy, you feel like the love you receive from others isn't real, you feel like the world is closing in on you - that is your body telling you that you are believing your thinking that ISN'T REAL. It isn't true for you. Plain and simple. And when we are honoring ourselves, when we have the understanding that our thinking can be taken less seriously when it makes us feel like shit - those moments where we think we can't take it anymore and need to do something about it, we know we have the choice to sit it out. We choose to call a friend, a partner, a loved one, knowing that this current reality is not permanent. It will pass. Because it is an energy that is constantly shifting and will most definitely autocorrect to a neutral and peaceful state, with time. Or rather, the moment you choose to live a different reality.

I understand if this seems like I've over-simplified a state of being that seems much more complex - but it isn't. The difference between you being in a low mood this morning and naturally being lifted out of it versus Anthony Bourdain is the layers and layers of thinking that is being believed so that it doesn't feel like there's a way out. Spiritually, the more shitty thinking that is believed, the more habitual it is (and this can go on for YEARS), the emptier the self-love cup. When we've believed lies that we tell ourselves in our own little reality, we find evidence in our life to support it, then we feel justified in our thinking and our light shines a little less than it did before. And the smaller we feel, the lower our mood, the more we believe our thinking, the more we can't pull ourselves out if it. But it all starts with the above understanding. Simple but not easy sometimes, and I understand. I've been there. I haven't been to the end of my rope, but I've experienced the dizzyness that begins to make you feel like you're crazy and you can't cope. There is ALWAYS a voice inside that will tell you what to do instead, telling you what you need to come back to a peaceful place - this is your wisdom. It is with you all of the time. But it's like a quiet flute being played behind the band of the shitty thinking, and the band needs to be turned down to hear it.

The nature of energy is to flow. That's all Thought is. So maybe it'll take you talking out loud to your shitty thinking and saying "Oh, hello again," to put distance between you and the pictures. But having this understanding will at least give you the opportunity to see that you always have the freedom to choose your next thought; The freedom to choose your next action. You're not at will of the freeloading thought turds that are floating in the beautiful abyss that is your mind. Knowing that you have the power to create your own reality through the lens of whatever thinking you're believing at any moment in time, allows the triggering, depressive thinking to melt away. And just this awareness in itself will begin to shift your thinking, which shifts your feelings, which shifts your behaviors. It's an amazing experience.

When Bourdain passed, all of this information was swirling around my mind. I was desperate to write a post for social media, but I couldn't think of a way to concisely share my tribute along with my outrage for how many lives could be saved by knowing a simple understanding. If you're reading this and you've considered ending your life or still consider doing so now - please know that you have a purpose that is meant to be shared, and if you don't feel that right now, it's because the noise in your head is too loud to hear it. But it's there. It may take time to quiet the band upstairs, but like anything worth doing, the reward on the other side is living your life in your truest form while being able to help others understand themselves like you have learned from your own battle.

In closing, astronaut Scott Kelly's tribute to Bourdain took the words right out of my mouth...

"... I watched his show when I was in space. It made me feel more connected to the planet, it's people and cultures and made my time there more palatable. He inspired me to see the world up close."

Tony, thank you for conquering your battles as often as you did. Thank you for not allowing them to keep you from us, because what brings me peace is knowing that you knew on some gut level that you were touching lives and changing them for the better. How lucky are we that you won that battle as long as you did. I always had a feeling I'd meet you one day and give you the biggest hug as appreciation for all that you taught me...

Until we meet again...

All my love and see you next week~

Jessie

Anthony Bourdain

Taking The Leap! An Interview With Valerie Mya Of On The Go Glow

"My decisions didn’t come from business textbooks, they fully came from my gut. The feeling was freeing, I just knew when things felt right."

This coming from the woman who has found herself CEO of an incredibly successful spray tanning business making everyday women and men feel like their most confidant selves, as well as A-list celebrities like Courtney Cox, Kristen Bell or best friend and Agents of Shield star Elizabeth Henstridge, get red carpet ready.

I met with Valerie Mya over lunch on a beautiful sunny day in Los Angeles, where it seemed the flowers and breeze knew we were getting to know each other for the first time. The patio was filled with a beautiful energy that most certainly reflected the light inside both of us that couldn't be more excited to share our histories. At the time, Valerie and I had met in a class and she had casually mentioned what she did for work. Little did I know till we had our lunch that this pixie-sized beauty was a badass boss. When she went on to share with me more about how she got to where she did, without any hesitation my wisdom jumped out of me and asked for this interview because she is an inspiration through and through. If you have ever had ANY hesitation to take the leap into a career, whether starting your own business or shifting gears into a new industry or company, and the only thing that holds you back is the idea that you don't have all your ducks in a row or know-how, read on for proof that passion, purpose and gut instinct is all you need.

Valerie Mya/Dana Patrick photography

Jessie: Did you know while you were growing up that you wanted to run your own business one day? If not, what did you have dreams of doing?

Valerie: As a kid/young adult I was never great at school. I had more of the creative brain - I was into dancing and acting. But the way schooling was set up didn’t really fit me, I almost failed high school. So no, I didn’t think owning my own business was a possibility. That was until I realized I was smart, I just had another way of learning (LOVE that!) Having this business has definitely helped me see myself in another light, and made me realize there are all different kinds of “smart.”

J: What was the moment that it hit you to start this business? What was the first insight and where were you?

V: As I mentioned earlier, I was into the performing arts, so when I moved from New York City to LA I needed a part time job in between the acting struggles. I worked at a few tanning salons as the main spray tan technician. I realized people requested me all the time; I didn’t really know then, but I believe I had a “thing” for making people feel comfortable - I loved making people feel good about themselves. Being a very independent type of person (I moved to NYC at age 14 on my own), I knew working for myself would be ideal. The idea of bringing this service to people just came to me (<--- WISDOM!), and I knew LA people love convenience, so I started it casually on the side not knowing if it was going to take off.

J: What did it FEEL like when you had that first gut pull?

V: People always say it’s so impressive to start a company but in a way, it always felt easy. I didn’t over think things and I just went with my gut with every decision I made. Listening to my gut made it feel as easy as brushing your teeth. Don’t get me wrong, the manual labor was hard and I had a lot of very long days/nights but when it came to making decisions, at the beginning and through out, it always felt easy.

Side note! Because Valerie didn't have pressure-filled thinking around needing to make this venture successful, she stayed out of her own way and was much more peaceful in allowing the steps to unfold in front of her and tap into her wisdom. This is absolutely possible for YOU, it just takes the simple understanding that your thoughts are the only thing getting in your way and making you believe you can't be successful. Carry on...

J: What were the first steps you took?

V: Because I started this business as kind of a side hobby at first, I started very basic. I got equipment, an email account and started spreading the word through word of mouth. After getting some routine clients under my belt I signed up for Yelp, and because I was the only company open 24/7, we were the only spray tan company to come up during late night searches. Yes, we really are open 24/7, you can get a spray tan at 2 in the morning (and yes, it happens). That really is what helped make On The Go Glow different than others and get the name out.

V (cont'd): I put in the blood sweat and tears at the beginning. From designing the website, to managing the phone calls, to spraying etc, I did it all. Being open 24/7 there was no “we are closed,” so whenever a spray came in, I stopped what I was doing and I showed up - I did that for about 3-4 years. I remember spraying from 8am to 9pm, sitting down to eat dinner and the phone ringing for another spray at 10pm. By that point I knew I needed to start hiring. (9 employees later, I think that was good idea!)

J: Did you ever have doubts at the beginning and do you ever have doubts or fears now? What makes you peaceful in those moments?

V: Honestly, at the beginning I didn’t have doubts, because it felt kind of like a small hobby. Don’t get me wrong though, once it took off and I realized “Wow, okay, this is a full blown business,” I had a moment of “Can I do this?” Like I mentioned before, school wasn’t my thing and I didn’t go to business school. But when the doubts hit me, I realized I was already doing it, I already owned a business, I just had to keep trusting myself and not over think anything. As for now? Sure! Doubts and fears always creep in. As the business grows, so many things have to change within the business, and the thought can creep up “Do I know what I am doing?” When I do have doubts and fears I always remember all the clients that keep coming back, all my employees that feel like family and who express loving working for OTGG. Everyone involved calms me and the proof of succeeding is all around me, within them and in what I have built. As scary as it can be, it’s also very exciting to see OTGG grow.

J: What do you feel your company does for people and what do you offer?

V: Whenever I hire someone I say the most important thing I care about (besides epic spray tans) is that the client feels 100% comfortable. I believe OTGG gives people a safe place to “bare it all” and look and feel amazing after. We see all walks of life and I really think we make sure everyone feels comfortable in their own skin. It's a boost of confidence that we spray - we love spreading self-love. We offer long lasting incredible spray tans that don't smell, we believe in using only healthy products on your body, so we have our own organic solution - and all in the comfort of someone’s home or hotel room (or anywhere really) 24/7. 

J: Have any crazy stories to share?

V: We have a lot of crazy stories! From those very late 2am calls, to getting so close with clients that we go through marriages, divorces, and deaths with them; Spray tanning someone with cancer and having her cry after because she said she hadn’t felt so good in a long time. I have a huge list of stories, that honestly has changed my life. I am currently writing a book that will have a bunch of funny and heart touching stories and explaining the amazing connection strangers can have while "baring it all."

What is becoming a theme of my interviews with these superstar Taking The Leap entrepreneurs, is that they didn't allow any momentary doubtful or fearful thinking get in the way of them and their unfolding reality. That's it. So if you're sensing a flicker of curiosity within you to explore something new whether in work, career or relationships, I encourage you to follow it, because your thoughts (and your feelings coming from those thoughts) are the only thing getting in your way.

To close, I'll leave you with two pieces of solid advice from Valerie...

I have noticed, this year, once I took the fear of “not having money" or “will the appointments keep getting booked” away, the company really took off again. Taking away the fear (Ahem... not believing those thoughts!) has allowed the business to really flourish. Just like at the beginning when I wasn’t over thinking it.

As for taking the leap?

Do it, take the leap. Know that it may be hard work and very scary at first, but it will be well worth it. Trust your gut. If something feels wrong, don’t do it (even if the business textbooks say to). I really didn’t follow any business plan I just went with what felt right. I had a lot of people telling me “you should do this - you should do that,” but most of the time I didn’t listen. Tune into yourself, listen and trust.

TUNE INTO YOURSELF, LISTEN AND TRUST. Amen, sister.

All my love, see you next week~

Jessie

An On The Go Glow technician can be booked in the Los Angeles or Las Vegas areas via their website at www.onthegoglowmobile.com

When Expectation Versus Inspiration Gets The Best Of You...

I met with my spiritual mentor at the end of last week for some guidance in what to do next with my business. Like anything, building a business takes time and can definitely make my human self go batshit crazy if I get too caught up in the thoughts around when certain things will start rolling in the way I want them to (and can I tell you how irritating it can be to be challenged by your thinking when you're aware it's only your thinking?!) After some new tools to take me to the next level with things, I had insights galore...

He asked me straight - “Which do you think is the more appropriate pace - with space for lessons, insights and learning -  for all that you want out of your career? Your timeline? Or theirs?” (Their's meaning the Universe, Universal Mind, Greater Intelligence, Guides... whatever floats your boat).

Of course, I immediately said with no question “Theirs.” (Whew, sweet relief - I guess I needed the reminder).

We went on to discuss how we as humans have the need to speed things up - ESPECIALLY when we have an expectation of ‘where we should be by now.’ It doesn’t matter if we’re talking career, relationships, changes in health, changes in weight, growing a family, or improved living conditions - once we have our mind set on a goal, we tend to then have an expectation of it being achieved or obtained as quickly as possible, and we make ourselves go mental in the meantime. An interesting thought that my husband Mike so simply and insightfully observed about expectation is that we often click in to more sped-up thinking that creates a negative energy around not having, or not having achieved, that thing yet. We spend our days ruminating over how close we are to it (or how far away we are from it), what we could be doing more of to obtain it quicker, judging all the things we think are getting in our way, or worse off - speeding through all these thoughts which throw you into a thought storm of - is this thing I so badly desire that I feel is right for me even going to happen!?! (I can’t tell you how many people I know that get themselves trapped in that belief! "Is it really possible for me to achieve all that I believe is possible?" YES!).

But here’s the thing - the more you ruminate on all these thoughts because of your expectation, you will most certainly take yourself out of the action that would MOST CERTAINLY get you to exactly where you want to go. As I’ve observed in myself and many others, having an expectation brings on a bit of complacency, a very counter intuitive sense of inaction in the face of something that most definitely needs your action! And on top of it all, because you're going in circles in your thinking, you're missing the beautiful moments in life that are happening right under your nose and not allowing wisdom to come through!

Am I saying to grind away at everything you think you need to do to make a dream or goal come to fruition to fight the pangs of expectation? Absolutely not. This is where inspiration comes in. What I know from experience, and what Mike also chimed in on through his observation of me and himself, is when a goal or dream breathes inspiration into your being, the complete opposite of what I have described as expectation happens. When I am inspired to achieve something, I am motivated, EXCITED, full of joy - and moved to action. And not moved to action because I have forced myself to do so, but an action that is naturally curated from my excited, inspired, creative feeling that is burning inside me.

Expectation creates more chaotic thinking, inspiration comes straight from your wisdom.

For further evidence of this, keep reading...

I first met with my spiritual teacher turned mentor in November of 2016. At the time, I was pretty miserable at my job feeling lower than I had ever felt before. I learned later my state of mind had nothing to do with my job and everything to do with my thinking around it, but long story short, I wasn’t following my soul-pull purpose and I hadn’t clearly discovered it yet either, so I was feeling quite lost. My mentor had an insight that I would have to be at my job for about another year, and at the time, that sounded like a prison sentence, but I kept listening. He sensed I had lessons to learn about myself within that timeframe and if I forced myself into another job, all the problems I deemed to be issues with my current job would rear their ugly head somewhere else. He also knew that my purpose would begin to become more clear and he advised that I begin to write, journal, study and read everything I could about how to create my own work to share with the world. I knew I wanted to help people. I knew I wanted to help them understand that their thinking was what was driving them crazy because I had had a little bubble of insight into my own experience of life that that was what was creating my sadness - but it was just a bubble, a flicker of light that made me curious, and he wanted me to follow it. (<-- As I do now for people, he was serving as a guide to my own wisdom since I was under SO many layers of depressive chaotic thinking).

So there I was, completely inspired for what was to come. The burn had worn off that I was sentenced to another year at my job because I could clearly see the purpose of the time needed - I was also completely motivated to not allow any more time than a year to pass before I made the next move. Every day I wrote, read, watched videos - I even attended the most incredible workshop on a tiny little island off of Vancouver to deepen my understanding of the 3 Principles - an understanding that my work is based in. I was in pure bliss. So much so that any time a thought would come up like “What if an opportunity doesn’t show up for you to do your work and leave your job” or “What if you have to stay at your job longer” - my inspiration and resolve was so deeply woven into my being that I allowed those thoughts to pass and they didn’t trigger me whatsoever. I trusted, surrendered, and kept it moving.

Cut to July of 2017 I visited with my mentor again. I wanted to check in to see if I was on course (I knew I was.. my thinking was quieting and leaving room for my wisdom to inform me, but this was a big leap and I was grateful for his input). Sure enough, he intuited that I was ahead of schedule, I had learned all I needed to, and I had done the work to prepare myself for my leap of faith. We talked about my classes that I had planned to teach, and the money I could expect to make. Looking back, my intuition, my wisdom, was telling me something was off about this financial goal/expectation, but the carrot was dangling and I was ready to grab it.

When it came to finally taking the leap from my job, I continued to be inspired by the feeling of excitement of that day coming closer. Any time I would have fearful thinking around it, I would let it pass and I would trust that my wisdom would let me know when that day would be. It’s important to note that at this point, any fearful thinking about finances would also get blitzed by my trust (and frankly, my expectation) that I was going to have great financial return pretty soon after l left my job (even though I still had a little nagging feeling that it wasn’t totally right).

It’s 3am on a Wednesday turning Thursday night at the end of August. I can’t sleep so I’m journaling my random thoughts and BOOM - a lightening strike courses through me and I blurt out loud, "30 days - it’s time to give my 30 days notice". I had no ‘job’ set up, just plans on teaching my class, but I knew I had to make the leap. As life unfolds for you when you are following that inner compass and wisdom, when I told my husband and family, they were in complete support and when I met with my boss, she so graciously offered me part time work on projects I could do from home while I built my business. I couldn’t have had a more graceful and peaceful transition - and it was just under a year from when I had set off on this journey, just as my mentor had suspected.

Now, to this day, I’m not sure if he had planted the financial gains idea into my mind for the little extra push of bravery, or if his intuitive timeline was just a bit off - either way, he isn’t God and I shouldn’t have put any expectations on what he had shared with me, especially since my own gut didn’t feel completely right about it (our own wisdom knows what's best!). But since what I had experienced from the first go-around was so incredible and came true, I couldn’t help but have such expectations!

(Danger, danger Will Robinson!)

Before having the insight that every moment of this last 8 months has been for a greater purpose and on the timeline of the Universe (not my own), the expectation for bigger financial success (ahem... just a thought that I adopted from my mentor) was providing such fear of it not coming to fruition at all, that I became energetically stuck. My wisdom kept peeking through but I didn't know how to put it into action. I now see that the past 8 months since I took the leap from my job have been absolutely needed for this insight among many others. I no longer teach my work in a weekly group class setting as I had planned. It may come back around at some point but my gut was telling me ‘this is close, but it’s not it.” I’ve had to switch up my business plan because I LOVE doing private sessions. My work is absolutely informative and life-changing in a group setting, that’s why I love to do workshops and have been asked to continue working with the kids at LA County High School for the Arts, but to remove the anchors of specific old beliefs that people have in a session, to see their eyes light up because in an instant their whole life changes and their success skyrockets because of it? That’s the juice I was looking to squeeze. And I couldn't have gotten here without the journey behind me. Sometimes our wisdom is very clearly screaming at us, but when we have set expectations (aka thinking) in our way that looks really real, we need the reminder that it isn't.

Ahhhh... the look of how it feels when you release your grip on your thinking!

Since meeting with him again last week and getting more of a business plan down, l am re-inspired. I’m completely full of love and light and joy and excitement for what’s to come because I have the clear steps ahead of me bringing me peace of mind, therefore allowing my wisdom to continue guiding me. When we honor our wisdom, we get more information, we continue to stay inspired, we continue to feel filled-up with love and joy because we are honoring our inner knowing; And when we feel all of these things, we are in alignment with our path, with the Universe’s blueprint, and the road will continue to rise up to meet us.

All my love and see you next week,
Jessie

Your Guide To Self-Love

Is there a difference between loving yourself and liking yourself?

I got this question in a text this morning from a best friend of mine who was curious about my opinion, and I had so many insights bubble up.

What I know for sure is that love is a constant. It isn't a state of mind or something that comes and goes - LOVE in and of itself is always there. The only reason we don't feel it now and again is because we are distracted by our self-critical mind. Picture sitting next to a beautiful flowing stream. It's so quiet all around that you can hear the bubbling of the water as it twists and turns around the pebbles and rocks. There's a rainbow-like hue just above the stream from the sun hitting the light mist that's hovering just above the water. And yet, you have your back turned to to this beautiful stream and you're analyzing the dark clouds you see off in the distance, wondering if they're headed in your direction. That stream of love is still there, even when you're looking away and giving more attention to your fearful thought storms, you're just momentarily (or not so momentarily) turned away from it - your awareness is shifted, but it's there, quietly bubbling along.

Unfortunately, as so many of us have experienced time and time again, we allow those self-critical thought storms to get in the way of loving OURSELVES... often. Maybe we can get to a peaceful enough place to turn sideways to the stream to see and feel love for others, or we momentarily dangle our feet in the stream, feeling full of love for an experience. But when it comes down to holding up a mirror to ourselves and being able to say, "I love every bit of what I see - my heart, my humor, my light.. my imperfections, my cracks and creases, my patience and my impatience - I'm in love with every bit of it." We often times put ourselves dead last on the love list. We are so quick to beat ourselves up, to judge ourselves for things we aren't doing correctly, for not understanding things quick enough or for our impatience and not trusting the flow of life! We get in the boxing ring with our intellect and try to outdo ourselves, with ourselves. When in reality, when we fill ourselves up first, when we follow the little nudge from inside (our wisdom), when we give ourselves GRACE - we immediately shift to a place of peace and understanding. As I said above, we auto-correct to our natural state of LOVE.

Energetically speaking, when we're in this state of peace, understanding, grace = LOVE, we are open to see the breadcrumbs from the Universe, we have room to accept more love - whether that be in the form of another human being, friendships, that promotion we've wanted, the job shift we've been eager for, or life just simply feeling easy - even in the face of circumstances that give the illusion of hardship. When we are in alignment with ourselves, we are in alignment with ALL - with Mind (greater intelligence of all things, the energy of all things), the Universe. Our self-love truly governs and is the root to all facets of our life.

Are you wondering how to have self-love? Logically it makes sense to you, but when you really think about it it sounds a little out there and not completely possible? Here's the thing, when you get in the drivers seat of your thinking - when you start to connect that your feelings come from your thinking 100% of the time, you'll know that when you feel off in your body, that is a warning sign from your bod to your intellect that you're believing your thoughts that aren't true - you have the opportunity and freedom to choose to observe your thoughts in that moment, instead of being triggered by them. You create an immediate distance between you and the chaos trying to wreak havoc in your mind, and that in itself will make you more peaceful. You are human, so sometimes you'll get sucked into the storm before you even recognize the moment of choice. But again, allowing yourself grace, seeing your thinking for what it is, will bring you back to that peaceful place and the moldy thinking will pass - it always does the moment it's diffused.

Next step would be to do something that you love to do that may even make you feel challenged. At least once a week, do this. It can't be going to the gym (even if you love it), or something that is career related - think of something you would love to do for YOURSELF, something that may have piqued your interest before, but you always stop yourself with "logical" thoughts. I guarantee you it will bubble up immediately if you ask yourself "What would be a fun thing to do for myself once a week" - catch it, don't let your thoughts tell you it's nuts or that you don't have time or money. A pottery class? Horseback riding? Boxing? Setting goals for longer walks or runs? Crochet? Music lesson? Swimming? Roller skating? Dancing? Cooking? Baking? The feeling of accomplishment and joy that will beam from your insides will create a shift IMMEDIATELY. The peace, the joy, the calm, the light that is created, opens up the information highway inside of you that will allow you to walk the blueprint of your life that is already drawn - and boy is it exciting and wonderful.

Are you hanging in there with me? Here's the thing, as I say to my clients and in every workshop or talk I give, allow this information to flow through you, just drink it in. Just reading all of this is naturally opening up your understanding of it all. The insights are already at work. It's hard for us as human beings to not conceptualize, intellectualize and therapize ourselves into oblivion. But again, that's just more thoughts about our thoughts that create stress and anxiety. Just don't go there, ok?

Lastly, as my friend asked, is liking ourselves the same as loving ourselves? For a moment I thought, "well surely we can have a moment amongst loving ourselves where we don't like ourselves." But the reality is, at our core, when we have love for ourselves, in the moments where we might think it's ok to not like ourselves, we're purely just off course of our wisdom and believing our thinking. For example, this same friend and I were texting a few days ago and in response to something sweet we were talking about I wrote back #METOO. In the moment I wrote it, I got a little funny feeling in my belly - it didn't feel right - 'Me, too' would have sufficed, but I sent it anyway. That funny feeling in my belly was my wisdom saying to not do it (the #METOO movement is very important to me, so it was a bummer to diminutize it). I went against myself, therefore not coming from a place of love and full circle: not liking myself. Did I beat myself up for it? No. I just thought "that was a bummer" and left it. But it bubbled up every once in a while for the rest of the day, so I finally text my friend back in the evening and said, "I wish I would've just said 'Me, too!'" We had a laugh because in the big picture we both knew I wasn't being a turd about the movement, I was doing the best with my thinking in that moment which told me 'oh, it's kind of clever' when my gut felt off, but I appreciated her listening nonetheless.

So is there a difference between loving yourself and liking yourself? It feels to me, in this moment, that they are mutually exclusive. As my friend so insightfully said to my response to her "Love is the foundation to the building and like is what can be built on top" - exactly. And it's all flowing, moment to moment. The more we swim in the self-love stream, the deeper our resolve to care for ourselves first before we beat ourselves up.

Get in that stream dear friends, lap it up. It's always there, even if you aren't looking at it, but life's too short to just be aware of it's presence as opposed to enjoying every possible joy-full moment that you could be playing around in all of it's sparkling, rainbow-hued glory.

All my love and see you next week,

Jessie

My Excalibur Is My Strength As Much As It Is My Weakness

I totally stole the title of this article from my husband. But in all fairness, he was talking about me. And he's right.

What is my Excalibur? My entire life, no matter what I've been engaged in - school, my dance career, my career at the agency, and now my business - once I have a goal in my mind and I can see the big picture, I am full-out with my energy towards obtaining that big picture and I climb the ladder to get there hard and fast (at least that's the illusion that my mind creates). I constantly think about what I could be doing to strategically prove that I'm capable of more responsibility or being promoted or hired. But here's the thing, the deeper into this understanding I get with every day that passes by, I've observed myself creating an immense feeling of internal pressure because of all my thinking that gets created from this mindset. Because the reality is, it's just more thinking.

I have to be honest - I've recently been thrown off my own scent a bit. Meaning, I didn't realize I was creating this pressure! Several months ago, I had already recognized and appreciated that that pressure feeling was something I used as fuel in the past - when I felt totally spent I just excused it all by thinking "When the going gets tough, the tough get going" – if the situation becomes difficult, the strong will work harder to meet the challenge, and I was that person! Proudly! It's such a natural second gear for many of us - it's our cultural norm, really. But what's incredible is that with this understanding of the mind, I had been observing my thinking, not getting triggered by it, so I no longer felt that pressure (I thought!). Until the other day I was so focused on big picture goals, I was staring off into space with a concerned look on my face and my husband Mike snapped me out of it. My internal pressure feeling had changed - it no longer brought feelings of anxiety and I still felt a sense of peace within, but it was a weight nonetheless...

I don't know about you, but I'd rather walk through my days looking and feeling like this...

Little Jess... sometime in the 80's

I was heading towards this bigger realization last week, as I had had an AHA moment where I was feeling this pressure (without recognizing it as that yet). I just felt worn out, wishing more things were unfolding faster and my brain wanted to question the greater Universal intelligence that we all live within. If my wisdom knew what I was headed for, opportunity wise, if I could see it AND I could feel it, why did I feel so challenged? Why was life feeling 'difficult' and my patience wearing thin? Then the AHA - if the Universe is always working in our best interest (which it is), and our feelings come from our thinking 100% of the time (which they are), this worn out and impatient feeling I was living in was completely self-created and was an opportunity (more like a big ol' slap across the face from the Universe) for me to go inside and see it. What a lesson.

It always boils back down to the very basics of this understanding, and I will be the first to willingly raise my hand to say that being human means being seduced by my surroundings from time to time. But the reality is, it's simple. Always simple. As Elsie Spittle says in her new book, The Path to Contentment:

"Innate wisdom is a spiritual fact - it's not just an idea or concept. At the same time that wisdom is of spiritual essence, wisdom is also extremely practical. (...) Over time, as I began to see more about the inner workings of my mind, I could see wisdom come to life for me and guide me in my day to day living. It was a natural outcome of simply enjoying my life and not trying to figure everything out with my intellect.  I discovered that the more I lived in the present, the more wisdom was released from inside me so that it became my companion and help-mate."

I just had an insight. I've experienced this so clearly in my relationship with my husband, Mike. To this day, I trust and surrender to it's flow without ever getting my thinking in the way. When we met, he had just left a gnarly relationship of a few years and really didn't feel ready to jump back into something. We had spent three blissful hours talking right after we met, there was no denying we had found something special, so in classic Jessie form, I made the first call the day after that long conversation trying to force my way in. He knew we had something too, so we made the decision to literally check in with each other every day. Folks have asked me, "Weren't you guys nervous you'd check in one day and one of you would say you're not into it anymore? That would be heartbreaking!" And the reality is, yeah, that was a total possibility, but neither of us ever got into our thoughts about it. In hindsight, we were just trusting the feeling and we knew what we had felt really good and right. We didn't even call each other boyfriend and girlfriend for months, but it didn't matter. We just enjoyed the hell out of each and every moment, and each day kept leading to the next. Nearly 15 years later, I can't believe I'm just seeing this. Proof right under my nose that the more you enjoy life and follow your wisdom, that gut feeling, life will continue to unfold for you, every step of the way.

Sweet relief. I've come back home. Back to myself. Back to enjoying life and following my inner promptings of what to do next, then taking those steps when they come to me. The blueprint is already drawn, there's no need to use my intellect, my over-thinking and over-analyzing, to make me feel as though I'm doing more, accomplishing more or that I could be doing more and accomplishing more. Because the plain fact of the matter is, the more your intellect gets in your way in that matter, it can create the illusion that you're falling short because your head is 10 steps ahead in the blueprint, while wisdom is happily guiding you along at the pace you're meant to be at. Additionally, each step taken provides more information for the next. Something that our intellect could never 'figure out' for us, that's why the surrender to the feeling inside is so important.

My Excalibur is no longer my weakness, it just has a new responsibility - keep dreaming big, but slow down, follow my wisdom and enjoy the view. God that makes me excited, you?

All my love, see you next week!

Jessie

Taking The Leap! An Interview With Aida Bernal Of Spellbound Entertainment

"What I do isn't just help people get jobs, I'm helping people's dreams come true. That's something that I honor and take very seriously."

This from the mouth of the woman who my best friend and client of Aida, Natalia Cordova-Buckley, calls Mama Shark. The woman knows the entertainment business like the back of her hand (her experience in the industry is mind blowing), she's incredibly passionate about her work and her clients, and has a heart bigger than the size of Texas.

I first met Aida a few years back through Natalia when she joined Natalia's efforts to spearhead the industry in Hollywood. Natalia's intention was to eclipse the overtly sexualized stereotypical roles that the industry so quickly throws Mexican women in, which in regards to the culture of Hollywood, can unfortunately be no small feat. I remember being in awe of the team they had created; They were on a mission, hand-in-hand, to find roles that represented a strong and empowered Latina. With pitch after pitch, Aida was getting Natalia in rooms that took her talent and intention seriously. Cut to Natalia most recently wrapping season 5 as the first Latina superhero on television (or any other medium, for that matter) on Marvel's Agents of Shield, I would say this team has broken through a glass ceiling.

This is Aida. This is her mission for each and every one of her clients.

Photography by Cammy Kinney

So how did Aida get to the point of Taking The Leap into becoming manager extraordinaire? "Since I was young, working at the cash register at my parents store, I knew I would have my own thing. I didn't know what exactly, but I had the feeling." I can detect a deep sense of appreciation she has towards her parents for modeling what it looked like to be an entrepreneur, having their own store on the historic Olvera Street in Los Angeles. The love they shared between each other and for their business started the fire, and as she grew older, she knew she wanted to work in entertainment and work with artists.

When her first entertainment job as a stylist's assistant got her to music video sets, her fire grew bigger and the vision started to narrow. Every single job that followed, she says, led her to where she is today (be prepared for this killer resume): Queen Latifah's music management company Flavor Unit/West Coast (this wet her taste buds for management), MCA Records (where she heard the advice of a lifetime from an A&R executive, "Look at this like college - you're getting paid to learn. When you leave here you'll know what you want and what you don't want"), then finally, several years at the production company for one of the superstars of our generation, Jennifer Lopez.

As I experienced myself, taking the leap from a regular job to work for yourself is a spiritual experience. After collecting information and insights, the wisdom bubbles up out of no where that it's time to leap, and for Aida, though she considered herself a linear person who would have things more planned out (SAME HERE), the insight smacked her upside the head in the shower one day that it was time to go and she had to listen. It was time for her to step two feet into her own company...

Aida: I had friends and acquaintances tell me I was crazy, but when you know, you know! If I can share one thing with the world that I learned from that process: We need to be better supporters of each other. If someone is telling you their ideas for a big move in their life, whether it be writing a cook book or going out on their own in business, it is your job as the listener to empower them instead of fueling the embers of fear. You don't know where they are in their process - you don't know where on the ladder they are. If they're further down the line and are grounded, then it may not matter, but if they're a baby chick beginning to hatch and you come at them with your 'logical' fearful thoughts, you've just crushed their spirit.

AMEN, sister! Speaking to Aida about her work now, you can feel every bit is coming from her guts. Her passion is immense and so inspiring.

Aida: I feel very blessed to be able to run my own company, work from my gut, my intuition, and though I've always done that in every entertainment job I've had, being on my own, there's no politics or bureaucracy between me and the client or potential client.

Jessie: You're able to run your business from your wisdom, no holds barred! The core of your business, the ground that you stand on, because you choose people from that heart connection, from that gut instinct, it's inevitable for everything to blossom - from your clients careers to your career as a manager/producer. I feel like you can see the potential in your clients before they can see it for themselves.

A: Yes! It's all about listening to their story, listening to their history. When they demonstrate their drive and passion for whatever it is they want to do, that's what makes me engage. Those are the kind of people I look to work with, the ones that inspire me. Not just because they're great actors, but because they're good people going after their dreams. It's really not that complicated, it's really quite simple.

J: Do you find yourself getting emotionally invested in your clients since you're so involved in the day to day of their dreams?

A: I can't manage at a distance. I've been told by industry and non-industry people that you shouldn't become too attached to your clients because this business is brutal, this business is ruthless - I didn't get into this business to have that mentality. I came into this business for the love of what I do and the passion for seeing something through from beginning to end.

J: I can see the connection here to your music days.

A: Yes, very similar to A&R (Artists and Repertoire) in the music business. They sign the band then see them all the way through. The recording, the marketing, the release of the album, the music video - there's all this process that happens before that act becomes what they become. For me with talent management, because I've done some developing (which a lot of reps don't want to do), I will meet with someone and when there's that spark on a human to human basis, and the cherry on top is that they happen to be brilliant artists, to me, that's what matters. You sign the human being behind the actor. For me, it's not just about these really talented people, it's about having a real, personal connection.

A: (cont'd) When it comes to the relationship, I'm the one that has to process the 'no' before I speak to my client. It can be difficult especially when it has nothing to do with my client. I have to make sure I'm in a place where I can deliver that info so it can be received well. There are times where I've had to deliver three 'no's' in one day, and that's just a fragment of my day (due to meetings, submissions, pitches, etc), but then there's times I get to deliver three 'yes's' - I have to be ready for all of it. I deal with the highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows. Learning how to manage the lows is the real key because being an artist is one of the most vulnerable things you can be. I'm known to be protective of my clients because when you're putting your artistry out there, everyone is going to judge (especially in the age of social media), there's no way of getting around that. So it's so important that those of us who work with talent whether it's agents, managers, publicists, even attorneys - to have that in the back of our brain. Knowing when you need more heart and less business.

Whew! What an incredible human, and what an advocate to have on your side as an artist on this roller coaster of an industry. What I love most about Aida's story is that she has literally followed her wisdom her entire career. Through each endeavor, without hesitation, she did the work, managed the ups and downs and moved on to the next step when her insides prompted her to. Now, I'm sure she would agree that she's human and every twist and turn felt overwhelming at times, but in hindsight, she was being guided from the inside-out. As she said, she is very blessed to be able to run her own company. From my perspective, because of her bravery and surrender to the process, even if she wasn't fully aware of the magic at the time, is why she is where she is. And guess what? Whether you're in the industry or just trying to figure out your next step in life, know that you can have a journey like Aida's the moment you choose to. The answer is inside, just allow it to bubble and it'll smack you upside the head in the shower one day too, I guarantee it.

Aida wanted to share some parting advice for incoming artists:

Do everything you can to be the best artist you can be, {hone your craft} as a musician, painter, actor, etc because that is all YOU. {And YOU are who the world needs!} As SNL's Michael Che says (not verbatim), "Don't put your goals into something or someone (in my actors cases an example would be a hiring 'body' like a Network or studio), because it can be taken away. Make your goals ABILITY based." Tune out the noise, and keep going.

And finally, the gem she left me with in all of her Mama Shark glory...

"I color outside the lines, and so do all the people I work with. We are the disruptors, we have something to give to the world. I already know how talented my clients are, the rest of the world just needs to catch up."

May we all have an Aida in our corner.

All my love to you and see you next week,

Jessie

Spellbound Entertainment is a management and production company. You can see Aida's clients in Agents of Shield, Mayans MC (Sons of Anarchy spin-off), Narcos, Sense8 and more. The first film produced by Spellboud Entertainment called STARFISH is in post production. It's written/directed & produced by UK client Al White and also produced by Aldo Jovan.

The Illusion Of Fear

"Life is like any other contact sport. You may encounter hardships of one sort or another. Wise people find happiness not in the absence of such hardships, but in their ability to understand them when they occur." ~Sydney Banks

Text from mom:

Hi Jess, Charley (the Dr.) recommended me for a Cochlear Implant. Being referred to UCD (UC Davis) to the Cochlear Implant team. Charley is going to be there through the whole process from the testing through the surgery.

{I'm stunned! I'm so happy for her, but I don't feel at ease. I want to call right away, but we had planned to chat the next day so I respond}:

Omg mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's amazing!! How do you feel?

Mom:

Yep! Excited and a little sad. When I get the implant I won't be able to hear anyone's voice as it is now. I will only hear chipmunks but I will be able to understand everyone. I will explain the process when you and I chat tomorrow. (smiley face)

{Instant sadness hit me in my chest and gut, my mom won't be able to hear my voice anymore... I can hardly breathe at the idea. Of course, I called.}

As I'm sure you've experienced at one point or another, whether with a family member or dear friend, there's that moment when you get news that feels scary and the world stops. It doesn't matter what you're doing, you're immediately brought to the moment and nothing else matters any more. It's been quite the journey with mom's hearing and potential implant, and I was immediately elated when I had thoughts of her understanding conversation, especially group conversation, which had become more and more difficult for her to follow. But fearful thoughts were lingering about what this change could mean for her after I received the first text, then BOOM the second text came through about not being able to hear my voice the way it is - evidence for my fearful thinking - and there came the instant sadness and anxiety.

"This is the moment" I thought, "where I could choose to not suffer from my fearful thinking. That is where my sadness is coming from. Mom's actually OK."

I literally had a flash of seeing my thinking for what it was, that it was just that.. thoughts, not real life. An illusion. I recognized that mom had more information that I needed to hear before I could believe the scary pictures in my head. Anxiety is purely our bodies reaction to pictures we're believing about the unknown future, and because we aren't there yet, we feel out of control - and like in slow motion but the blink of an eye, that all became so evident to me in that moment. Once I got clarity, I was immediately and without effort brought back to a peaceful feeling, therefore allowing me to hear what my wisdom said was best.. to not wait til the next day to call, but instead to call her in that moment.

Because I took care of myself by observing my thinking and calling immediately, I was in a peaceful state of mind when I got on the phone with her. Of course I'm a human being, so I still got sad thinking about her not hearing my voice the way it is now, but we were able to have new fresh thinking that provided insights into her upcoming experience. We talked about how the implant will only be on one side, with a hearing aid on the other, so she could potentially turn off the implant and I could get right in her face and sing my fool head off so she could hear my actual voice if she wanted (that idea made us giggle til we were out of breath). We considered how the brain re-trains itself so who knows if she'll even remember that she's missing out on certain tones in voices, and most importantly, she'll be able to understand conversation again like she hasn't in years. That point in and of itself filled us both up with complete and utter joy and excitement for what will become possible for her.

In hindsight, it had become so normal to 'deal' with her hearing loss (both for her and for me) that any thoughts about her current state of hearing or lack thereof had become thoughts I very innocently didn't pay attention to any more. I'm grateful to a point because being that our feelings come from our thoughts 100% of the time, if I had become obsessive about her state of hearing in my mind, I would be crippled emotionally. But because it has been so normal in my family to watch hearing progressively change and shift in different family members, I had learned to roll with it all. Mom was saying the same thing - it didn't occur to her how exhausted she had become from unconsciously lip-reading until her husband said he had an instinct that her hearing had gotten severely worse.

With her realization, I had an insight into my own experience with her from this past Christmas. I had recognized that she was beginning to get the same look on her face as my grandpa - I could see that she was no longer putting in effort to keep up with the banter (because it was so exhausting), and instead sat at the table in the bliss of loving and observing her family. My gut told me then that something was different, she was content, but things were different - but because I had gotten so used to her hearing loss and any thoughts going through my head related to it, I didn't speak up on my instinct.

Isn't that amazing?!

Our minds are incredible - we can so easily get hooked by thoughts that look scary, especially if they're based in the unknown. But when we're in a routine - and this applies to our day-in and day-out routines that include habitual thoughts that we think EVERY day - we disengage from what our gut, our wisdom, is telling us. The feeling is different in our bodies when we think these thoughts and our wisdom has new information about them, yet we disown the feeling because we honor our habitual thinking more so - it's familiar, it knows our routine, so why even consider a different perspective? (I can tell you now that it's less scary and feels safer to stick to the old thinking, even if that thinking keeps us in a funk... that's an article for another day).

To wrap up, like what Sydney Banks is pointing to in the quote at the top: you cannot stop life, it's a contact sport and you are not in control of what happens. BUT you are in control of your thinking - as much as it feels like we are our thinking, we're not. It's an energy that flows that brings pictures in technicolor and our feelings come from those pictures and our reactions to them, 100% of the time. With that understanding, as I shared in my experience at the top, you are naturally given the choice to stay peaceful when those life punches are being thrown at you. Of course you're a human being and you'll inevitably be reactive, especially when it comes to the health of our loved ones. But your suffering time, as mine was, can be shortened immensely. And when that happens, you are naturally brought back to a state of peace which allows you to connect to the heart of others, have fresh thinking, and insights have room to bubble up. And as mind boggling as it may seem, none of this takes work, it merely takes a deepening of an understanding of how the mind creates our experience of life...

...and that deepening is already at work within you after reading this, you can trust that to be true.

All my love, see you next week~

Jessie

Beautiful mama on my wedding day ~ Lauren Hurt Photography

Reflections (Not Sleepless) In Seattle

I just returned from a wonderful little vacation in Seattle, if you haven't been, I highly recommend taking a few days to visit. There are so many quaint experiences to be had: From the momentary bursts of rain that the locals refer to as 'spit' (because frankly, that's about as bad as it gets), to the endearing observation of when the sun comes out - the locals have a cow and say 'The mountain is out!' because they can see Mount Rainier that is normally disguised by looming fog and clouds. From the architecture, the art, and the food, to the beautiful juxtaposition of the city with it's ever-growing tech population amongst the nature that is being preserved within the city, as well as the immense evergreen forests, mountains and water that surrounds it (the views from the Space Needle and other high points in the city such as Queen Anne Hill are to die for).

I found myself reflecting on my interactions with the world while I was staring off into the majestic Puget Sound, watching boats of every size moving like ballerinas across The Drink (another colloquialism from a local). Each boat left a different wake behind it, some left a little frothy trail and some left a huge dip in the water, with overflow creating a rip tide for everyone trailing behind. There is a wonderful saying that I heard from another dear 3 Principles practitioner, Barbara Patterson, that was so apropos to the moment...

What is the wake you leave behind you when you interact with the world?

Isn't that a fabulous question for reflection? It isn't about walking on egg shells because you don't want to bother anyone and create a wake - it's an opportunity to take in and observe the experience others have of you as you walk through life. Without creating more thinking around how you should be, or judgement on how you've been, just take in the understanding that you always leave a trail of influence behind you, a feeling, and just having that idea in mind will begin to open your eyes to it. You know how once you learn more about something, no matter how big or small, your understanding naturally widens? Your world gets bigger just by gaining that knowledge? That's what I'm talking about here. Just by considering the question, What is the wake you leave behind you? Your perspective has already began to open up.

On that same idea but the flip side of the coin, have you ever noticed that you can often sense the feeling behind what someone is saying more than what is coming out of their mouth? Start to pay attention to it next time you interact with someone. The deeper you get into the understanding that your thoughts are your own and that you have your own experience of life unfolding in your head that no one else is privy to except you, the more you'll effortlessly want to be in the moment and experience the person in front of you in real time, as opposed to seeing them through the lens of your thinking that is mucking up their shine. Like I was sharing earlier, the awareness alone naturally brings you to the moment and allows for connection from your heart to the heart of others. You can clearly hear the intention behind what they're saying, then connection, magic and love unfolds. Truly! Even with the banker who is having a bad day and is a bit snippy with you: When you aren't in your world of thought during the interaction (aka: "Geez, he's crabby, he doesn't have to be treating me this way, should I tell a supervisor? Ugh, he's moving so slow, this is such an easy transaction!") you can sense what is up with them, that it isn't personal to you, and have empathy and love. Again, there is nothing to 'do' here, just the awareness opens your eyes to how you interact - where you're coming from when you speak to others and the influence you leave behind - both being the ever important feeling that leads to connection.

We returned from Seattle on Friday and over the weekend I was experiencing that energy drain that comes after vacation - you know the feeling, I need a vacation from my vacation? Yes, that one. And my dear husband Mike kept inquiring on if I was ok or not, if I needed something or if he needed to talk me out of my proverbial tree. Each time he would ask me, I would go inside, take a look around to make sure I wasn't overthinking anything or stressing about life. And each time I would recognize that I was truly peaceful feeling, I was just literally drained of energy (unusual for the old me, the old me would sense something off inside of me then I'd instantly get spun up about different things I thought I should be worrying about. But as the understanding of how my mind works has gone deeper, the more peaceful I've become - HALLELU!) Admittedly however, each time he would ask me, my thoughts would get a little more wound up around wishing he'd leave me alone because the inquiring was triggering me to analyze more and more - to look for dirt that didn't exist. So in that moment, I observed my thinking and saw that I was beginning to get irritated thoughts when the feeling behind what he was saying was purely love and care. Full stop. Instantly and without effort I was then able to speak to that feeling, because I felt it too. I was able to thank him for how much he cared for my well being and that each time he inquired actually made my mind want to jump off a cliff that didn't exist, so being quiet and hanging out together was all the fix I needed. What an incredible relief that was to him, and to me. It's incredible how much crap we create when we are listening through the noise of our busy minds as opposed to our peaceful heart.

With all of this reflecting I leave you with this: It's all in a feeling. When we're in touch with the feeling, we naturally are moved to it's attention and out of our distracting thoughts. We are all connected, we are all moving through life trying to make sense of our own personal thought world, even though it looks like we're trying to make sense of the world around us. The closer we are to ourselves, our home, the closer we are to each other.

Here's a little snippet of our ride down the Space Needle to give you a sense of the beauty of Seattle (and a quick hi from our very cheery elevator host who was in the greatest of moods because 'the mountain was out'). And yes... I added the tunes.

All my love and see you next week,

Jessie