Years ago, I would read Ekhart Tolle and Byron Katie and Michael Singer, authors and spiritual leaders who would talk about seeing your soul as pure and whole and separate from your thoughts, and I would have the hardest time understanding what they meant. I could get it intellectually, that I was inherently OK, but man was it difficult for me to really understand. I would read and read knowing that there were nuggets of wisdom on every page, and maybe I would feel better for a little while after reading, but I worked so hard at trying to ‘get it’ because I was so tired of suffering. I was so tired of my anxiety and my worry and my fears. If you ever feel that way, know that I am right there with ya, I’ve been to the depths and back again many times in trying to create a more peaceful life for myself.
But that’s exactly where I was getting turned around by my own mind. I was trying so hard to create a more peaceful life for myself inside - I thought I had to do the creating. That I had to convince myself that I was OK or that I needed to be trying to think of things differently. It was so exhausting. Let me give you a metaphor that I’ve heard from a colleague before…
There’s an aeronautical principle that if you are flying high in the air in an aircraft and it begins to tailspin, the best thing you can do is take your hands off of the controls and let the design of the plane take over, which is to come back into equilibrium. Although it feels counterintuitive, this is just like us as human beings. When we begin to see that when we try and stay in control of our thinking and convince ourselves of something that isn’t happening, we tailspin. And if we take our hands off the wheel, so to speak, similar to an aircraft, our inherent design as human beings has the ability to take over which is to come back into balance and clarity.
You see, I didn’t realize before, that balance and harmony and clarity, were my reset. I didn’t realize that feeling OK and peaceful and quiet, was my reset. I thought that my reset, my natural state, was upset. I thought my natural state was worried and anxious. It wasn’t until I realized that my mind was making up stories about what my natural state was, and I was believing it.
I was the one in charge of what I believed in my own head and I didn’t realize it.
Now let me ask you, who is the I that I’m referring to? When I say I am not my thoughts, I am the one witnessing my thoughts, who am I referring to? I am the one observing my thoughts, I am the one choosing to believe my thoughts, who am I referring to? Picture me sitting in a movie theatre - stadium seating, popcorn in my hand, action movie up on the screen - that’s what it’s like when I’m watching all of my thoughts in my head. So who is the I? It’s my soul, my true nature, my essence. And it cannot be broken, it cannot be injured, it cannot be hurt, because it is the one behind the scenes watching all of the drama unfold on the screen of the movie of my mind.
This was so crazy for me to see about myself and this is no different than you or any person you meet. As the Rabbi mentioned yesterday in the interview, he said after all of the years of practicing his Jewish faith and knowing that our souls are perfect and full of light and love, it wasn’t until he saw his thinking as separate from his soul, that he understood it more deeply. That any pain or insecurity he would experience was just thought on the visual plain, did it click for him in a deep way that there was nothing to do to improve or change about himself. You see, it’s only in our mind, the movie maker, that we hold on to our past traumas, our pain, our insecurities, our upset, and because we have the greatest special effects system built in to us with our consciousness, the movies in our mind get brought to life in our bodies with feeling, so we innocently take our movies as truth of who we are. But once you begin to see, even just a little bit, how it all works. How you, YOU, are an unscathed and fully whole and healthy being watching movies in your mind, you’ll find it easier and easier to take the pressure off of yourself of needing to be in control of your movies because it’s all a pointless effort to begin with. The design of how you are built is to ALWAYS come back into balance and when you are looking at life from the perspective of your true self where there is nothing to be done, nothing to be fixed and you are whole and full of love, life becomes much easier and much more beautiful.
Sending love in all directions and I’ll see you next week,
Jess
