When bringing ideas into reality, we’re conditioned to believe we need to move quickly, go after our ideas with a passion, and when we become riddled with fear because of that conditioning, we make up that there’s something wrong with us. There is another way, that is far more sturdy and takes the pressure off… read on.
After recording our episode for the podcast, my wonderful mom Sherrill Douglass and I kept chatting for a bit around the notion of how helpful it is to remember to stay curious to understand. We talked about it in terms of relationships throughout the episode, but my mom said off the cuff to me later…
“We all have a hidden world inside of us to discover”
When she said it, I felt such a beautiful feeling come over me - why? Well let me ask you, dear readers, what are the implications of knowing this? What are the implications of knowing that every single one of us has a hidden world inside of us that has yet to be discovered? On one hand, it immediately gives me a feeling of hope for my own personal experience… that there is always more to come, more to learn about myself that will be revealed. No matter my age, no matter my circumstances, the hidden world inside of me will continue to show me more of what makes me feel alive - I feel this when I look at art or read poetry or listen to new music. When I’m discovering new cultures or working through the punches that life throws at me… that’s a real big one. Every time I walk through a big humdinger in life, such as my health, the health of my family, death, you know the events that shake you to your core - every time I walk through those I learn a hell of a lot more about my own needs, what’s important to me and what isn’t - those are the fast track events that help us discover more about our hidden world, but we don’t have to wait for the “bad stuff” to see this fact. And it makes life so rich to consider it. Our minds are so fickle with wanting to keep us identifying with the same beliefs about ourselves, then we adapt to these ideas of who we are and we become bored and wonder why. The same goes with the people in our lives - our minds take the liberty to slap labels on folks and then we wonder why we get bored in our relationships. There is so much more to be had!! There is so much more, forever and always, to discover about yourself and about the folks all around you. You can truly never know everything there is to know about someone. And the more you see this, the more room you’ll have, the more bandwidth you’ll experience inside of yourself to stay curious about your hidden world and the hidden world inside of others to then understand how you and they, click!
If by chance you happen to be reading this and it feels like a scary idea to go spelunking in the hidden world inside of yourself - I’d like to offer you the perspective that by nature, learning more about who you are at your core, is an incredibly freeing and natural experience. Any ideas you may have of it being terrifying is purely your mind giving you an unhelpful opinion. Many folks I work with have admitted that they haven’t looked in that direction before because they believed there were parts of themselves that they didn’t like and they had spent years trying to stuff them away or trying to avoid them. But every single time, with a little bit of understanding about how we filter our present moment through memories of the past, folks tend to see that those ideas of getting to know themselves being scary, stems from past experiences of feeling shame around who they are. And again, in this moment, if you want to, you can give yourself the permission to begin to discover the beautiful hidden world inside of you despite the opinions of the past that are loud in your brain. You can be gentle with yourself, take your time, you have your whole life ahead of you to play in that sandbox. There’s no rush. Because YOU aren’t going anywhere… your mind may go a million different ways, but YOU, are untouchable and just a gem cave waiting to be mined. And the more you discover your hidden gems and make those known to the world, the more you’ll find success in your relationships, your career and your peace of mind, because more and more you’ll make your outsides match your insides. In my mind, the very definition of living authentically.
And the more you stay open and curious about discovering the gems inside those around you, the more deep connection and love you’ll find in everyone you meet.
Sending love in all directions,
Jess
Earlier today I was with a client in session and she was updating me on how she had been doing. It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other but before she even opened her mouth, I could tell she was different. She looked at ease, confident, peaceful, a far cry from the gal who had first come to me. When she was telling me about her life and what it looks like these days, I got overwhelmed with emotion. A huge wave of joy came through me accompanied by a big ol’ well of tears. I tried to keep the tears balancing on the edges of my eyelashes…. You know that feeling when your eyes are burning from being completely full but it doesn’t feel right to let them out? Anyhow, I’m no stranger to tearing up in my sessions with clients because seeing people feel better just moves me. To see them with hope that wasn’t there before… with a sense of freedom and ease that they didn’t know existed. But with my client today, I wasn’t able to keep the tears at bay, they had to pop out, and I shared that with her. I said, “I am teary because I am just so happy to see you happy” and she joined in and said she felt the same and she let herself get teary too.
One of the things I’m grateful for that has been natural to me since I was a little girl, was the permission I’ve always had to feel my feelings, even if that meant potentially making someone else uncomfortable because they don’t know what to do with a crying person. I know it’s because I grew up in a family where emotions and feeling our feelings was always allowed; They might’ve gotten the best of us at times, but the foundation of being free to release whatever was present is a gift I am now fully aware and appreciative of. What’s interesting though is that as I got older and I had to have difficult conversations with bosses and co-workers in particular, people who I didn’t necessarily want to feel all my feelings with, I found that I had a hard time pulling back on my feelings. I didn’t know where the e-break was. And it would drive me nuts - not because I was worried about how I was being perceived or judged, I just didn’t feel like being so open and vulnerable in circumstances where I didn’t want to be that way. For example, I remember at my first restaurant job when I was 18, I got written up for being late, and I tell ya, he couldn’t have been more kind and complimentary in doing so, but I still had huge tears that I kicked myself for as I walked out of the office.
In conversation with Claire Warden yesterday, an Intimacy Director for theatre, tv, and film, who, in part, teaches actors to become aware of their emotions in their body, shared that it is hugely helpful for them to begin to understand what emotional experiences feel like, to have an awareness of what their own journey in their body is like, so they can begin to know when and how much of their own emotion they want to bring to the table in their acting. Now of course, you may say a great actor brings it all, but specifically in scenes that Claire works in, physically intimate and simulated sex, she knows that the actor may have a hard time not tapping into their own past traumas and experiences for the script, and that can be not only exhausting but also re-traumatizing. So she shared this wonderful visual of a camera’s aperture that she gives to actors saying (and I’m paraphrasing), “When we have more understanding of our own emotional experience and what that feels like, we have the ability to be in control of how open we want to make the aperture… when the emotions of the past start flooding in, maybe you want to close the aperture a bit, then maybe open it a bit after you’re feeling balanced again.”
What this part of our conversation made me realize, is that as soon as I saw that my emotions are always coming from my thoughts and my thoughts are completely neutral… they aren’t good, they aren’t bad, I was able to feel less afraid of the experience they were giving me, and therefore, I was able to feel a bit more in charge of when I felt safe and comfortable to be vulnerable. It’s an incredible thing because before, although I see the huge benefit of being so naturally vulnerable, my vulnerability was a knee jerk reaction. Now, with knowing where it all comes from, similar to what Claire was talking about, I can sense when I want to close the aperture a bit. Now, does this mean I’ve built a wall around my heart or that I’m stuffing my emotions? Not in the least, frankly, quite the opposite. Having the skill of seeing my emotions and my thoughts objectively allows for me to keep my heart wide open, to be more present then I actually was before (because when I would start to cry when I didn’t want to I’d get in my head about why I was doing it), and it allows me to ride the wave of emotions moving through. You know where we’re really good at this? Grief. Whether you are the person grieving or you are the person supporting a grieving person, because we kind of have a sense of the cycles of emotion that comes with grief, we’re really good at riding the waves as they come, holding space for them, as well as keeping an open heart even when we don’t feel like feeling ALL the feelings with certain folks around us, because we just can’t help ourselves. But it’s wonderful to see that. That we are very skilled at being objective of an experience while also being vulnerable, keeping an open heart, and feeling the feelings so we can continue to process whatever is present. Today with my client, is an example of exactly that. A huge wave of emotion came over me, I was objective of what was present to feel out how much I wanted to share that emotion with my client, then when my gut said go, I was able to connect in a really deep way because I trusted my own boundaries. I trusted that I checked in with the aperture and I was willing to let it stay wide open.
For today, consider this for yourself. Start to get an understanding of what your emotions feel like in your body, know that you are safe no matter what is present, and see what happens when you watch your emotions move through you without doing anything about them. Like watching an energy wave of whatever color feels right to you, washing over you. Just watch it. And see what you notice. It’s incredibly empowering the more you know about yourself.
Sending love in all directions and I’ll see you next week,
Jess
What do you think about this statement?
“When you’re married to an idea of who you’re supposed to be, you miss out on who you’re becoming”
What does that mean to you? I wish I could hear you, but at the very least I’m grateful to give you the opportunity to reflect on the question. Before I jump in I want to share with you a message I received on the hotline from Rabbi Mordechai, who’s episode was released just last week. He has a beautiful reflection to share and it’s fitting for the theme of today… (paraphrased for you here)
“We’re looking for a feeling that comes from observation, not from judgement… Like the difference between the love in our marriage and the love for our kids… a constant feeling of love without judgement… it comes from a different place… Follow the feeling that does not come from judgement because that comes from your stories…”
Why I thought it would be fitting to share Rabbi’s thoughts along with my opening statement, is because it all works together. When we’re married to an idea of who we are supposed to be, who our partner is supposed to be, who our friends or family members are supposed to be, we miss out on who we are becoming, who our partner is becoming, who our friends and family members are becoming. As Gerrick shared in his interview, he was so married to the dream of what his career was going to look like that once he had obtained that dream, he ended up staying in a job for far too long, not listening to the whispers from inside of him that the job wasn’t the right fit any longer. As Rabbi mentioned in his message, that’s where we can get mixed up. When we have an idea of what something is supposed to look like and we judge one way or another, we may feel somewhat of a feeling of satisfaction, but it’s empty - it doesn’t fill our bodies with a sensation of love or contentment, hope or excitement.
It is so important to wake up to this, to begin to learn what these genuine feelings that are implications of you listening to your truth, feel like in YOUR body. It’s absolutely human to get caught up in the shoulds and the supposed-to’s in our heads and I’m also not suggesting you stop aspiring to new heights for yourself or in your career or your relationships, but it’s a very different experience, in fact one that takes the pressure off, when we become present, when we lean into unconditional love for ourselves and see what comes forward from there. When we can use our imagination as guideposts for moving forward, but not being attached to expectations or outcomes.
As Albert Einstein said, “The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.”
What a fantastic reminder for us all… me included. There’s a learning curve to not listening to the faithful servant in your mind as your source of truth and instead listening to your intuitive mind, your wisdom, the truth that is unique to you. But it isn’t impossible - it’s a delightful discovery I make over and over and over again.
Sending love in all directions and I’ll see you next week,
Jess
Years ago, I would read Ekhart Tolle and Byron Katie and Michael Singer, authors and spiritual leaders who would talk about seeing your soul as pure and whole and separate from your thoughts, and I would have the hardest time understanding what they meant. I could get it intellectually, that I was inherently OK, but man was it difficult for me to really understand. I would read and read knowing that there were nuggets of wisdom on every page, and maybe I would feel better for a little while after reading, but I worked so hard at trying to ‘get it’ because I was so tired of suffering. I was so tired of my anxiety and my worry and my fears. If you ever feel that way, know that I am right there with ya, I’ve been to the depths and back again many times in trying to create a more peaceful life for myself.
But that’s exactly where I was getting turned around by my own mind. I was trying so hard to create a more peaceful life for myself inside - I thought I had to do the creating. That I had to convince myself that I was OK or that I needed to be trying to think of things differently. It was so exhausting. Let me give you a metaphor that I’ve heard from a colleague before…
There’s an aeronautical principle that if you are flying high in the air in an aircraft and it begins to tailspin, the best thing you can do is take your hands off of the controls and let the design of the plane take over, which is to come back into equilibrium. Although it feels counterintuitive, this is just like us as human beings. When we begin to see that when we try and stay in control of our thinking and convince ourselves of something that isn’t happening, we tailspin. And if we take our hands off the wheel, so to speak, similar to an aircraft, our inherent design as human beings has the ability to take over which is to come back into balance and clarity.
You see, I didn’t realize before, that balance and harmony and clarity, were my reset. I didn’t realize that feeling OK and peaceful and quiet, was my reset. I thought that my reset, my natural state, was upset. I thought my natural state was worried and anxious. It wasn’t until I realized that my mind was making up stories about what my natural state was, and I was believing it.
I was the one in charge of what I believed in my own head and I didn’t realize it.
Now let me ask you, who is the I that I’m referring to? When I say I am not my thoughts, I am the one witnessing my thoughts, who am I referring to? I am the one observing my thoughts, I am the one choosing to believe my thoughts, who am I referring to? Picture me sitting in a movie theatre - stadium seating, popcorn in my hand, action movie up on the screen - that’s what it’s like when I’m watching all of my thoughts in my head. So who is the I? It’s my soul, my true nature, my essence. And it cannot be broken, it cannot be injured, it cannot be hurt, because it is the one behind the scenes watching all of the drama unfold on the screen of the movie of my mind.
This was so crazy for me to see about myself and this is no different than you or any person you meet. As the Rabbi mentioned yesterday in the interview, he said after all of the years of practicing his Jewish faith and knowing that our souls are perfect and full of light and love, it wasn’t until he saw his thinking as separate from his soul, that he understood it more deeply. That any pain or insecurity he would experience was just thought on the visual plain, did it click for him in a deep way that there was nothing to do to improve or change about himself. You see, it’s only in our mind, the movie maker, that we hold on to our past traumas, our pain, our insecurities, our upset, and because we have the greatest special effects system built in to us with our consciousness, the movies in our mind get brought to life in our bodies with feeling, so we innocently take our movies as truth of who we are. But once you begin to see, even just a little bit, how it all works. How you, YOU, are an unscathed and fully whole and healthy being watching movies in your mind, you’ll find it easier and easier to take the pressure off of yourself of needing to be in control of your movies because it’s all a pointless effort to begin with. The design of how you are built is to ALWAYS come back into balance and when you are looking at life from the perspective of your true self where there is nothing to be done, nothing to be fixed and you are whole and full of love, life becomes much easier and much more beautiful.
Sending love in all directions and I’ll see you next week,
Jess
In this week’s interview on the podcast with Vivian Hall, a riding instructor and horse trainer extraordinaire, she shared some incredible insights into life by way of stories about her experiences in her day to day with teaching horses and humans on horses. Something that is so straight forward and practical in terms of horseback riding is that when the rider tenses up because they’re in their head about what to do next, the horse reacts by getting tense and not cooperating very well. Then as the horse stops cooperating, the rider gets more stressed and eager for the horse to cooperate with what they want it to do, trying to force it into submission if you will... and guess what the horse does in response? It gets more defiant because it doesn’t trust the rider and more often than not, won’t do what it’s being forced to do.
Holy cow, have you ever heard a more clear metaphor about us and LIFE? Read on for more clarity…
So often when we want something to get done or when we want something to happen for us, what do we do? Well, if you’re anything like me, my knee jerk reaction is to begin thinking about it, potentially productive thinking at first, but more often than not, I will catch myself fly past the productive stage and spiral right into the stressful stage of overthinking every little detail that I can muster in the moment. Every time I catch myself I go, ‘Ah! I’m doing it again!’ and as best I can, I pull back on the assessing because I know that it isn’t helpful for me or the thing I’d like to have happen. Why is that? Well, just like the horse reacting to the rider, when we get tight inside and full of pressure and stress, just like the horse, life pulls back and waits for you to relax. Does life have a personality? Of course not, I’m just running with the metaphor here. But there are two practical things at work.
One, when we are full of stressful thinking, we have no room for new ideas. Our deeper intelligence, our common sense, can’t be heard. Again, if our brain is already full, there’s no room for fresh thought that is coming from our deeper intelligence, our internal GPS system that is guiding us every step of the way. The creativity we need to navigate new experiences is no longer at our finger tips because we’re feeling rigid and stressed. Number two, when we’re consumed with energy going to our brain, it’s like a stop gap for attracting things into our world. You see, we are made of pure energy - you don’t have to think to yourself heart beat heart beat all day long in order for it to function, do you? Of course not, because there is a life energy that is pulsing through you making things work - that energy is the exact same energy of all things - it is the aliveness that you can feel in the air, in nature, in animals. It’s science! Denying our spiritual and energetic connection to the energy all around us is like denying gravity. Whether you choose to believe it or not, it’s still present. The connection and cycle of possibility between us and life is literally the same as seeing the cycle of behavior between a tense rider and a tense horse. The cycle of tension, rigidity and stress is stopped when we relax.
Vivian shared this great saying that she tells her students that I think is a fantastic mantra for all of us - Exude the mood. Her students know that if they want to have a good experience with their horse, they need to relax, because when they relax, the horse relaxes and fantastic communication can then begin on an intuitive level. The student has creativity at their fingertips, with the ability to stay in flow with the horse as well as being in flow with what they need to do to navigate the course ahead of them. This is no different then the relationship between us humans and life. When we wake up to what we’re doing to ourselves when we’re overthinking, it is so helpful for remembering to stop what we’re doing and relax, so we can see clearly, hear our deeper intelligence more clearly, have creativity at our fingertips, and have wide open hearts allowing for life to flow to us and through us.
Exude. The. Mood.
Last thing I’d like to mention before we go - in the same vein of all that I’ve just talked about.. life is constantly showing up for us to level us up, to aid in our growth, in our expansion... we’re the ones that question it. It’s understandable because often times when life shows up for us in a new or challenging way, albeit in our relationships, our careers, or our own personal growth, it feels scary because it’s new territory. It wouldn’t be showing up for us if it wasn’t meant for us. It wouldn’t even be in our orbit, in our awareness, if there wasn’t a gift of learning or growth hidden away inside of it. There are things happening for folks all day every day that we know nothing about because those experiences aren’t for us. And I’m not talking about destiny, I’m just talking about life. Every opportunity, whether it’s perceived as positive or negative, is an invitation for raising the basements. For doing things differently, for trying something that will inevitably call for us to break through our own glass ceiling. I just wanted to remind you that - life is nothing but a classroom, an opportunity for a deeper expression of YOU to come forward. Don’t forget it... and again...
Exude the mood.
Sending love in all directions and I’ll see you next week!
Jess
When was the last time you checked in with yourself to ask yourself what it is that you really want? I think if you’re like any other human being, you could give me an answer right away because we humans tend to have ourselves on our mind a lot of the time. But for the sake of this moment of reflection, I’m not interested in what you don’t want and I’m not especially interested in what you think you want or need. I’m interested in you giving yourself the time to sink into the quiet inside of you and see what bubbles up from your curiosity.
What is it that you really want?
Is it a deeper connection to yourself? A deeper connection to your partner or your friends? Would you like to trust yourself more? Would you like to not worry so much? Are you tired of the same old fears coming up and rueing the day?
It’s not often that we allow ourselves the time to reflect on these deeper needs because we’re so good at adapting to our ever-changing circumstances and tolerating things inside of ourselves not realizing that we actually have choice.
Oof. Tolerations.
Are there parts of yourself or beliefs that you have that you tolerate the consequences of? If you’re not sure right in this moment, that’s OK. It’s a deep question. As a dear client of mine recently said when I pointed out some behavior of hers that she’s learned to tolerate, she so honestly replied with, “It’s taken me a while to even get here to talk about it because I was so used to my old behaviors towards myself, that I couldn’t tell you that it was behaviors that I was tolerating. I thought they were just... me.”
Did that make you nod your head? I did when she said it because it is so true about the human condition. We get so used to our ways of doing things. We get so used to our habits of thought. We get locked in to ideas of what we think we want out of life or a career or ourselves that we stay focused on the idea as opposed to being present with what’s changing inside of us. As Teddy mentioned in the interview this week, it wasn’t until he realized that keeping up with the celebrity scene wasn’t getting him out of bed in the morning so to speak, that he assessed what he was doing with his life and started his journey inward to start asking himself these deeper questions I’m posing to you today.
I want to circle back to what I said earlier about not being especially interested in what you think you want or need. I want to clarify what I mean. We tend to have thoughts about things that we think we want or need outside of us because we innocently believe we need those things for our well being. And it’s a trick of the mind because you have your well being right now. You don’t need anything else to obtain it. It’s a judgement or an assessment if you will, from constantly looking outside of ourselves and believing we won’t be OK without x, y and z. It’s deeply important for me to share that with you because I recently woke up to some demons that have been living rent-free in my head that I thought I had cut out like the cancer they are, years ago. And that’s money fears. I’ve woken up to them before and I’ve seen how they were fears that didn’t belong to me, they were other people’s fears that I had absorbed. But they’d been rearing their ugly ahead again in the recent past and when I was kind of shocked to be feeling what I thought was an old thought system I had cut out, I had realized in hindsight that yes, my initial realization of my money fears had definitely changed my relationship to money, but because of those initial realizations, I hadn’t noticed that I was actually still tolerating a bunch of thinking around money.
For example, when I was really busy in my practice, I would entertain thoughts that it could all go away. And when it was quieter, because that’s the ebb and flow of business, I would entertain thoughts that I may not get more clients. All of them rooted in fear, none of them rooted in truth. It wasn’t until I realized I was tired of the dog and pony show inside my mind, and as I asked YOU earlier, I asked myself what is it that I really wanted? (Answer: to be free of the grip of these money stories), then I was reminded that I am the one in charge of my experience and I have the choice to stop identifying with them. It has been an incredible journey since for me, because I feel a deep peace.. but I will warn you from experience - when you’re done with old habits in your brain, and you begin to choose to not get caught up in them and stay in your peace instead? They will rear their ugly head... louder and louder. Almost as if they want you to believe you need them in order to avoid the fearful story they’ve created. The ultimate gaslighter. But what’s fabulous? Is when you know this, when you remember this conversation we’ve had today, you’ll see through it. All I ask is for you to have patience while you practice staying in your peace while you allow the noise to pass.
As Father Greg said last week, practice makes permanent, boy oh boy is that right on the money.
So, dear ones, what is it that you really want? What is it that you want to be free of? What are you tolerating that you can be done with? I so want your heart to be given the opportunity to rest, and you are absolutely capable of experiencing that.
Sending love in all directions and I’ll see you next week...
Jess
When do you feel love in your heart? What does it feel like? Is it a tingly sensation all over? Does it feel like relief? Does it feel warm? Does it feel like you’ve dropped into a peaceful place? Take a moment to reflect on that for me.
Now what do you suppose takes you away from that loving feeling? In conversation with Father Greg from Homeboy Industries on the podcast, he mentioned something that really hit me in the chest about his work - “How do you infuse hope in kids whom hope is foreign?“ It hit me because I have spoken with countless people who, although most haven’t come from tumultuous backgrounds such as gang life, feel as though love and therefore hope, IS foreign to them. In fact, how is it that I myself, coming from a very loving home, and a very privileged life when it comes to loving relationships, have experienced that sense of hope and love being foreign? Like they have gone missing? I feel a little shy saying it considering I have had resources and people in my life that equate to incredible privilege compared to many, but I know it’s a feeling that many of you can relate to, at some point or another in your life. And it makes me curious - knowing that we come into this world as a little ball of love and hope - which I’m sure you’ve felt when in the presence of a baby, you don’t have to take my word for it - it makes me curious…
How is it that we forget who we are?
For me personally, I know that when I’ve felt the depths of despair it’s because I’ve made up a future that scares the living hell out of me. I’ve made up a perspective of myself that isn’t rooted in truth. The world that I’ve created in my mind is absolutely terrifying and I’m living in it and experiencing it as if it IS truth. And the tricky thing about those terrifying times? We only see in life what enforces the current movie that’s playing in our mind, so a terrible cycle gets created in what we’re thinking and what we’re seeing. One reinforces the other.
We all have histories full of experiences that act as different notes of the music being played through our mind, but the theme I notice in us all is that when it comes to those periods of our life, however momentary or long, the love we have for ourselves becomes conditional.
Until we feel fulfilled by what we see in our lives, we must withhold love from ourselves.
Not until everything is in some arbitrary version of perfect - we abstain from allowing ourselves to drop into the essence of who we are - almost as if that abstaining is punishment for not getting it ‘right’ in life. And yet, the more we abstain, the more we avoid dropping into our true essence, the more gas we’re throwing on the fire that is the horrific movie in our mind that creates that cycle of illusory hell that we feel we can’t get out of.
So how do we break the cycle? I understand it can be hard to see who we are at our core when the noise in our mind is loud, I’ve been there. So here are some thoughts that are straight from Father Greg’s mouth yesterday that I won’t even attempt to say more succinctly (though I will comment throughout from my own peanut gallery)...
“Move beyond the mind that you have” (yes)
“Make friends with your wound or you’ll be tempted to despise the wounded” (and it goes without saying that if you haven’t made friends with your wounds, you will be tempted to despise yourself… as the wounded... as illustrated by everything I said earlier... ok, carrying on)
“The goal is not to be a stranger to yourself” (this seems so simple but a point that we so often miss because we’re caught up in running away from a falsified version of ourselves in our mind)
“Fall in love with being loving” (couldn’t have said it better)
“Practice makes permanent” (absolutely) and…
“Ventilate the world with tenderness” to which I would add ventilate your own pain, your own fear, the delusions you have of your life... with tenderness towards yourself. As Father Greg so beautifully put, “Love is like water to a very dry sponge and the moment of connection of water to sponge is tenderness.” And finally, as he shared from his experience of creating Homeboy Industries, “you can create a community that is transformational with dosing one another with love and tenderness”, and I believe you can create an environment inside of yourself that is transformational by dosing yourself with love and tenderness. With that, eventually, you will allow yourself to see from a deeper place, all that you are, more permanently, and the implications of that are infinite.
So how are you feeling now? Do a little scan for me... are you feeling a little lighter? Warm? Is that a bit of a smile peaking through? Ahhhhh... there you are. God I love being here with you.
Sending love in all directions and I’ll see you next week~
Jess
Let me ask you something... how often do you find yourself judging yourself or other folks? Be honest... there’s no judgement coming from me whatsoever because we all find ourselves doing it, even if it’s harmful - especially to ourselves (we do that more often then we even realize.. right?) Why do you suppose we do it so often? Have judgement? We can take this from many different angles, but I’d like for you to consider the source... the seed to that judgement. Instead of analyzing the many possibilities of details we could analyze, let’s consider something even more simple. Let’s pull this puppy up from the roots.
First let me ask you... did you come into this world judging others? Did you come into this world judging yourself? Have you ever noticed that it’s a common practice when we’re caring for toddlers who are beginning to walk, that if the toddler falls, instead of hovering over them or making a big fuss, we instead keep our voices high and the energy celebratory? Like “Whoops! Bonk! You’re OK!! You just fell and you can get back up again!” Why is that? It’s as if we know something deep down about helping that little babe to not attach fear or judgement that something is wrong with them or to them trying something new. It’s inherent in us to want to allow that baby to have freedom of mind when it comes to the beginning stages of walking, knowing that if we burdened them with our own worries, it could potentially stop them from trying; Or they could become fearful of trying, and it could influence the way they try new things moving forward. It’s so intuitive. And yet, when it comes to so many other subjects and facets in our lives, we have been influenced over and over and over again, from our loved ones and people in our lives who have had an opinion on the way that we act or do things, or we take into consideration the way we hear our nearest and dearest judge and have an opinion of others. And of course, there are the opinions and judgements that we see and hear all day every day from messaging in media, personalities that we love, celebrities, brands, pop culture, the culture we come from, it’s endless! Why do you think we take in all of these opinions we hear and immediately absorb them into our psyche? From my point of view, love and belonging... it’s all we ever want. It’s all we need on a basic level as a baby, and it’s all we desire as adults.
But get reflective for a moment if you aren’t already - when we hear our loved one’s judge others, we clock it because we don’t want to be judged the same way out of fear that they would view us differently... leading to not feeling loved or having belonging with that person. When someone has an opinion of us that isn’t quite right but we love them deeply, we may begin acting accordingly to that opinion - take it on as a part of our personality - out of fear of losing love and belonging if we were to speak up and say that their opinion of us isn’t actually US. That what they see isn’t who we actually are.
All of what I’m talking about here is conditioned thinking - other peoples thinking that you have absorbed as your own. Other people’s opinions, that you have absorbed as your own. We all have them and they live in our ego mind - and ego is merely thinking that you have about who you think you are and how you think life works. And our egos are full to the brim of beliefs that aren’t ours. They’re also full of past experiences that brought us pain or insecurity or doubt.
That is where our judgements originate from.
When we’re aware of our conditioned thinking and can separate ourselves from it by looking at it objectively, we naturally don’t judge ourselves or others as harshly because we know that we are all just doing our best with whatever conditioned thinking we’re functioning with in that moment. As Father Greg from Homeboy Industries says (who also happens to be next week’s guest on the podcast)…
“Stand in awe of people and what they carry, as opposed to judgement in how they carry it.”
All of this is incredibly freeing to begin to notice because not only will you find yourself not judging others nearly as much, but you begin to judge YOURSELF far less. I still trip myself up with judgements of myself and I will definitely be tripping myself up and unlearning for the rest of my life BUT it isn’t necessary to go on a mission to seek out your conditioned beliefs and work at untethering them all... just beginning to notice them is like pulling the thread that unravels everything. Or like Natalia shared in this week’s interview on the podcast, it’s like pushing a button and watching everything drop. The implications of watching everything drop is that you’ll wake up to who YOU truly are before your personality was created, who YOU are before your conditioned thoughts take a hold of you, and you’ll naturally feel a deep sense of love and belonging because it never went anywhere in the first place.
Love is inherent in who you are, belonging to yourself and to others is inherent in our nature. We inherently belong to each other, the only thing that ever divides us is the thinking that comes between us. Between each other as humans and between us and life.
So what is the takeaway for today? Get curious. If you’d like to wake up to your conditioned thinking and you don’t even know how to begin... just be willing to notice your own judgements. When you’re harsh with yourself, don’t take the bait... instead... attempt to look at it objectively and get curious as to where it even comes from. I can guarantee you that it’s root is a story you’ve take seriously as a fact of life and who you are, that you can lovingly make peace with as a part of your old self …and say goodbye to.
I stand in awe of you.
Sending love in all directions and I’ll see you next week...
Jess
I’ve had an awareness rolling around my mind, probably because it has come up with multiple clients as of late, so it feels important to share.
So many of us are missing out on real, heart-felt, fulfilling connection with our loved ones - even while we are in the same room - because we’re spending all of our energy on our thoughts about them as opposed to being present with them. For example, it happens a lot between parent and child, so innocently. The parent is filled up from constantly thinking about the kids - worrying about this or that, strategizing for the following day, planning the future or feeling guilty about the past, and because they feel so filled up on their children from thinking about them all of the time, they don’t realize how empty the connection to their child in present time has been.
Is this making sense? Does it feel familiar?
It’s nothing to start having judgement around, it happens to all of us, all the time. We’re absent minded A LOT, why do you think I’m so passionate about sharing these things? It’s something we’re often not aware of because it’s such a trick of the mind when we think we’re present and then we have issues and confusion when the loved one in question feels distant or disconnected. The hat trick the mind is pulling on you is the fact that you haven’t been absent minded in your head - you’re thinking of them all the time! But you’re absent minded to the present moment, where real, deep connection is cultivated and exists.
How does this trick of the mind play out in real time?
In children, you may experience them having more tantrums, crying in a way that seems misguided, acting out - in adults, you may experience them having more tantrums, crying in a way that seems misguided, acting out. Forgive my tongue in cheek delivery, but truly, kiddos are mini adults with just a much bigger and louder expression of their insides since they don’t have words for what they’re experiencing. Nevertheless, in ALL of us, when there’s a void due to a longing for connection, it’s important to check our own state of mind. Where have we been? Just noticing this, starting to become aware of our presence when we’re present, is not only enriching for our relationships, but for our own experience of life as well.
So will you join me in checking in with yourself from time to time? When your child has a full meltdown because the bananas are ON the pancakes instead of IN the pancakes, instead of thinking they’re ridiculous, maybe check in with yourself on where you’ve been? It might not be the whole shabangy, but I can guarantee you that it isn’t something a little deep connection can’t fix.
As my mom has shared with me before, when I was a little one, I had a very easy time of asking for what I needed. The memory she’s shared is from when I was really little and I had been missing her so she asked me what I needed and I said, “I need to sit on your lap and put my hands on your face while you talk to me.” Oh man, heart. melted. It’s a testament to my parents that I always felt safe to put my heart out into the world and ask for what I needed. I remember asking if I could sleep in the middle of their bed from time to time, or being a very lanky teenager and asking if I could sit in the middle of them and hold their hands while we watched TV (pretty sure this was just before I moved out at 18). It’s a skill that I’ve taken for granted because it was something I never questioned in myself. But knowing the results of those asks always led to me feeling better - feeling safe and comforted and whole - I can see now how that was me listening to a deep part of myself that each and every one of us has when we listen. When we aren’t absent minded.
When we’re present in our presence.
Sending all the love in the world to you,
Jessie
Last Sunday morning, I curled up on my couch with a big, cozy blanket, grabbed my cup of coffee that has become a Sunday treat, and a delicious almond croissant (did you know Trader Joe’s has croissants that rival a french bakery? They do… they’re in the freezer section of all places, but I highly encourage you to check them out). One of my favorite teachers, Elsie Spittle, had recently given a talk, so I pulled her up on my TV and settled in for an hour of bliss.
In the talk, Elsie said something that stuck with me. You know those moments when you hear something that you very well may have heard a million times before, but for whatever reason, this time it wakes you up inside?
“Your body is an expression of spirit.”
I couldn’t stop reflecting on how profound that awareness is. For a time, I think I had seen my body as a vessel for my spirit, separate from me. I didn’t disregard it for that reason, but it looked more like a task to take care of it from that perspective. It felt good to feed it well, it felt good to exercise to keep it healthy, but again, it felt separate from me. I hadn’t really noticed that I felt this way until I heard Elsie - “Your body is an expression of spirit” - in one fell swoop I felt a feeling of coming together of all of my parts. As if before I heard her, I saw myself only as the formless energy that is my spirit, the me that shines through my eyeballs, the me that people feel when in connection, but it made me feel so touched, even tender, to see the whole of me as an expression of my essence.
Upon my reflecting I realized something from a more pragmatic perspective as well. When we are lost in thought, when we are consumed with the script the story writer in our mind is telling us, our body reflects that back to us. I’ve shared this before, how our body is the greatest alert system for where we are in our head, but I’m seeing it deeper. What a gift, our body is. It is a constant mirror, reflecting back to us where we are in our state of mind. When we are suffering, when we are… I can’t think of a better word so I’ll say it again… consumed by the world we’re creating inside of ourselves, our body works with us in unison to let us know we’ve gotten off track. An analogy that comes to mind is our cars: If we see an alert on our dashboard that we need to get an oil change, that is a gift from the car saying, “Hey! I’m not functioning quite right anymore, do this then I’ll be working like new!” Without thinking twice, we know what we need to do. We may drive around with the light on as long as possible before we sense that it’s absolutely necessary to get the car fixed, but we respect the fact that we know it needs fixing in order to work well.
The same goes with our bodies.
What if we began to consider this for ourselves more consistently? Respecting our bodies as an expression of our spirit? What if when we began to get the alerts from our body - a tinge here, an inner pressure feeling there, a sore back here, a little dizziness there - what if when we got those signals we respected our spirit in the same way we do our cars? What would that look like for us as humans?
What comes up for me is that those signals are an opportunity to look at the mirror our body is holding up for us. We aren’t broken by nature. We aren’t in a constant state of dis-ease, by nature. So if when our spirit is free to express itself through this skin suit of ours, we feel relaxed and confident and at ease, or differently put, full of life and energy and charisma, whenever we feel we’ve gone away from those baselines, it’s an OPPORTUNITY to notice our state of mind and check in. I personally remind myself in these moments that I am willing to be uncomfortable while the thinking I’m in passes (because it will pass, it always does), then inquire (like taking the car to the mechanic), “What do I need right now?” I am always, always, always met with an answer which ranges from, “Get a drink of water” to “Stop kicking the can down the road” - it’s fascinating to me every single time and when I nurture that voice and honor it, I find myself back in flow, feeling my essence like a warm hearth in my core.
Because I have freed her from the trappings of my mind.
“Your body is an expression of spirit.”
Sending love in all directions,
Jessie
As I was laying on the MRI table and experiencing huge waves of deep love and gratitude, feelings I would never expect to be present in such a situation, I knew this was something I wanted to share with you.
In early November, I had some concerning symptoms in my left breast that got me to the doctor. In the 4 1/2 months that followed, I had a total of two mammograms, two ultrasounds, an MRI and multiple calls with my doc that never left me feeling resolved. My doctor, who I had never met before this experience, was incredibly kind and incredibly thorough, so much so that I sometimes wished she wasn’t so good at her job. But a tiny mass had been found that no one could understand through imaging, and doctors (I have found) don’t like to be left scratching their head - clearly something I was grateful for, and knew was wholly important to the process, but man was I feeling done with being poked and prodded and squeezed and smooshed and on my most tired days, I would dream of what it would be like to just not care and stop with all of the searching.
I received the call that I was going in for yet another MRI (this would make 6 images total, in case you lost count), but this one was going to be accompanied with a biopsy. I was instantly devastated because my mind went straight into fear about what it could mean, but soon after the initial shock, there was also a sense of peace inside that felt like I knew two things; One, that I would be OK no matter what the results were, and two, that it wasn’t going to be cancer. “Brave” my mind said when I observed my wisdom telling me it wasn’t anything to worry about. It’s amazing what our deeper self knows. It’s so honest (sometimes honest in a way you don’t want to hear), but when it’s handing us truth that is grounded and frankly, all for the best in the face of the unknown that looks scary to our minds, it’s truly remarkable AND gives our mind a run for it’s money when it so desperately wants to keep our attention on the ain’t-it-awfuls.
I had a month to wait until I could have the procedure and my goodness, did that month become one of my greatest teachers. I had this incredible opportunity to watch my mind and my wisdom play ping pong. I had put the whole procedure day on the back burner, so to speak, because it wasn’t going to be healthy for my body whatsoever to identify with any thoughts that were making pictures about how it was all going to go. As I’m sure you’ve experienced, however, the mind is going to do what the mind is going to do, so it unleashed the fearful thoughts at random, all the time. This is why I say that month became my greatest teacher. At the beginning I would find myself following the carrot of a thought that looked like I needed to consider it. Something as innocent as, “What is it going to be like?” would pop up and I would start down that rabbit hole. But when I quickly realized that I always ended up swimming in the depths of incredibly unhelpful thoughts, I knew it was time to take my power back from my mind and be a bit more vigilant about not taking the bait of any thought that had to do with the future (the dark and scary future, that is…). After that realization, it became easier and easier to notice when it would go to the gutter and my deeper self, the quiet voice of my wisdom, would gently step in and say, “You’re not there yet” allowing some peace to wash over me that would allow the scary thinking to move on.
By the time biopsy day arrived, of course the anticipation was unnerving (I’m only human after all) but I truly felt peaceful deep inside. I didn’t have anxiety, I didn’t feel fearful, I had an overwhelming sense of what Barbra Streisand says to herself before she walks on stage, “Let go and let God."
Before the procedure I was introduced to Jessica, an incredible nurse who would be my liaison throughout the entire process. When she first sat down she walked me through how the whole shabangy was going to play out. As she began, I welled up with tears and I shared with her, “Don’t mind me, I’m just releasing the tension from anticipation.” From there on out I was fully present and what came forth was immense. For the following hour and a half, while I laid on my belly with my arms stretched over my head like Superman, I was tasked to not move a muscle and it was an incredible opportunity to relax in the midst of a pretty uncomfortable procedure. Of course, there were moments of physical pain that would give me a little jolt, but instead of being tense and full of noisy fearful thoughts, I felt a sense of deep peace and as if my heart was filling up the entire room. Jessica was by my side with her hand on my back, coaching me in my ear, “You’re doing so good, hon”. The surgeon, someone I had never met and still haven’t seen (since I was face down), was so gentle and kind, letting me know every move he was making moments before he made them. It was a dance. A dance of life that we were all a part of and I was fully aware of how special it was. I couldn’t stop quietly weeping to myself because it was all so heartbreakingly beautiful (in fact, I’m tearing up just recalling it for you). At one point Jessica, with her hand on my back, said, “You’re ok” when she felt me crying and I said back to her, “I know, you’re both just so wonderful.”
I shared all of this with you today because what I experienced in that operating room was a microcosm of what is available to us every single day, in our daily lives. It may seem brave to follow the quiet voice of your wisdom when your mind looks much more reasonable with all of it’s opinions, but man oh man, when you honor the truth inside, the gifts that come thereafter are what make every moment from small to big, incredibly rich and valuable.
Life moves through you, not to you.
Enjoy the dance.
Sending love in all directions,
Jessie
PS~ The cells came back benign. Hallelu.
Dear diary,
My first big publication came out last week - a feature in Goop called “11 Professionals Helping People Find More Satisfying, Successful Careers” to be exact. I have been waiting for this feature to come out for nearly a year now and I’ve learned so much along the way that I wanted to write down the two big takeaways so I don’t forget them…
PATIENCE, young grasshopper.
You truly cannot move at a faster pace than the greater intelligence behind life. TRULY. Every step of the way, IS the way. A few months back, I found myself absolutely exhausted of my running script around this Goop article - thoughts of questioning when I thought it would come out, hopes that it would be a gamechanger for my business, fears that I was holding too high of expectations - and it dawned on me, “Jessie! There is nothing holding you back in life… ever! Your thoughts are making you feel like things should be happening faster or life would look different if only things would be happening when you think they should, but beyond your thinking there is the flow of life that you can trust… stop spinning about it, it will come out when it’s supposed to… enjoy what’s happening now.” It’s amazing when you think you know something deep down then you get smacked upside the head with an aha that takes you deeper. And guess what happened once I saw this, yet again, for myself? It felt like I was pulled back at warp speed into observation mode of the unfoldings of the last year anticipating Goop’s release and of course, I could see how all of my experiences, my insights and realizations, HAD to happen BEFORE the article came out. If it was released when I was originally expecting it to, I wouldn’t have been ready. I would have managed because we always rise to the occasion, but it holds so much more impact and I’m so much more peaceful, now. Takeaway? I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again… LIVE IN THE FEELING OF HINDSIGHT.
FOREBODING JOY IS A REAL THING.
Shoutout to Brene Brown for this heads up! The day Goop came out I was so excited I could hardly get out of bed fast enough. If the evening before (when I got the official YES IT’S COMING OUT TOMORROW!) was any kind of indication of my mood, the big release day was going to feel like my first visit to Disneyland mixed with Christmas eve as a youngin, the moment I turned around to my husband on bended knee, college graduation day and my wedding day all wrapped up into one. I went to the computer before the Goop newsletter was sent out, carefully typed in g-o-o-p dot c-o-m, scrolled down the homepage with baited breath and BOOM!!! There it was… the perfectly curated intro to the article, scroll scroll scroll, then…. my face. In one of the top online magazines on the internet. Cue excited feelings aaaandd….. nothing. What took the excitement’s place?! Everything that I would have never thought would be flying through my mind. Fears, worries, stress. ALL made up. Brene Brown says, “Our actual experiences of joy—those intense feelings of deep spiritual connection and pleasure—seize us in a very vulnerable way” and boyyyy was she right! To be completely honest, I have brushed by this feeling before but it’s never sat with me the way it did the day of the release. All day I felt like I was walking a tightrope of extreme joy and gratitude, then my foot would occasionally slip into doom and gloom. Luckily, with what I know to be true about my mind, I was able to witness it all and consistently stay in the moment because I so desperately didn’t want to miss any of it by being distracted by the nonsense trying to run the show upstairs (shoutout to the hubs for stepping in as a sideline coach!). All of this to say, I am incredibly grateful I was able to witness myself in the experience because it was the first time that JOY churned up fear in a real way for me. Staying out of the muck of my mind while chaos is going on around me?! I can ride that wave til the cows come home, but this was a new one for me. The takeaway? FEARFUL THOUGHTS ARE TRULY NONSENSICAL AND THERE IS NEVER A GOOD TIME TO ENTERTAIN THEM.
With that, I will leave you for today, dear diary. Moving forward, let’s remember that you’ll be learning new things every day for the rest of your life and you don’t know anything til the moment that you know everything.
XO,
Jessie
“Maybe it’s the ultimate act of self-love to be a spiritual activist FOR YOURSELF…”
This bubbled up the other day as I started out on a long overdue and much needed walk for fresh air. The Southern California rain had been encouraging a very introverted and introspective mood that was frankly quite low to begin with due to my hormones raging from switching up my birth control after 15 years. I had been really in my head about my next moves for work; What’s on the back burner, what’s ahead of me and brainstorming what I could do to move things forward. My thinking went from creative, exploratory, exciting to DOOM AND GLOOM. Isn’t it amazing how Thought can do that? One minute you’re in the middle of playing around in your thoughts as if you have every color of Play Doh and you’re curiously putting different sculptures together, breaking them apart, smooshing them into new shapes. Then all of a sudden the Play Doh weighs more, the beautiful bright colors are no longer and the dough isn’t pliable. You look down at a pile of rocks that are multiplying with each rock feeling really real, really heavy and really significant - aka DOOM AND GLOOM.
With my hormonal low mood, I already felt like I had a thick layer of green gas hanging around me 24/7 that I was fully aware I was looking at life through. I reminded myself on multiple occasions, even when I didn’t sense the green gas as much, to not take my gnarly thoughts seriously. My spiritual self had my human self’s back, so to speak. But who knows what happened on this particular day, the thought storm of Play Doh turned rocks was too heavy to handle. I reached into the ol’ goody bag of tools I have for these moments, also known as the only tool I have for these moments, and I asked myself OUT LOUD, “What do I need to do right now?” Wisdom always knocks with the answer and I was moved to go outside for a walk, and as always, it was exactly what I needed.
After getting outside, my perspective naturally came back and I could see where my thoughts went to hell without me noticing. You may already be a step ahead of me, but it was the moment I started to fall into the ol’ trap of needing to figure out things to do to move me forward faster in my work - whatever that even means. I say that because my own expectations and timelines are all made up, so who am I comparing myself to should I figure out something that would move me along faster? My own expectations? That again, are made up? I remembered all of this then AHA! What I know to be true, what is best for my well-being, is to TRUST the greater intelligence of life. TRUST that Universal Mind, the ever-flowing energy that is around me and within me, that my Wisdom is tapped into, will continue to nudge me forward via my gut instinct and when I heed it’s direction, everything unfolds EXACTLY the way it’s supposed to - beyond any of my wildest hopes or expectations. With my re-gained perspective came that delicious feeling of peace washing over me then there she was…
“Maybe it’s the ultimate act of self-love to be a spiritual activist FOR YOURSELF…”
It was so clear. To stay in the drivers seat of my thoughts, to remind myself that I can’t trust or believe the things going through my mind because my feelings coming from those thoughts were going to make me feel scared, anxious, fearful or just plain yucky - especially when I’m already in a low mood (from the hormones, but generally also from hunger, lack of sleep, hard day, etc etc) - is being an activist for my spiritual health to continue leading a soul-centered life. Like I said earlier, acting accordingly to what I know to be true about what’s going on in my mind when I feel like shit (aka nonsense that shouldn’t be paid attention to) is merely my spiritual self having my human self’s back. It’s like seeing the traffic on the freeway coming to a screeching halt from a distance so you make a quick decision to exit and take side streets to your destination.
So I say do it. Take the exit before the three car pile up. Be your own spiritual activist for a soul-centered life.
It’s the ultimate act in self-love. If you’ve ever been unsure how to have self-love, this is it, folks. Honoring what you know to be true, that Universal Mind HAS YOU, and it isn’t some airy-fairy, luck of the draw look at life. That it’s 100% my experience, as I’m sure you’ve experienced as well, that when you follow those inner nudges - your KNOWING inside - life flows and unfolds in a manner that can’t be described. Things always work out. So speak up for yourself! Talk to those very real looking thoughts and tell them you don’t want to believe them anymore and fall back into the lazy river of life that’s already flowing and pulling you forward!
Lastly, after having this insight I approached a staircase I needed to climb. I looked up at how many stairs there were and how steep they were, I took a deep breath in with my eyes closed, then with my first step on the first stair my inner voice, my Wisdom, said “Slow and steady.” I felt a zing of energy go from my toes through the crown of my head. I knew it meant much more than just climbing the stairs in front of me. I lifted my head in full gratitude with tears in my eyes and said, “Thank you.”
Here’s to you and your spiritual activism for your soul-centered life…
Here’s to us.
All my love,
Jessie
Have you ever noticed that as a culture when we refer to riding a roller coaster at a theme park, the perspective or feeling we get from it is FUN. Maybe we aren’t personally big fans of roller coasters, but we know the intention behind the experience is to be thrilled, get an adrenaline rush, feel accomplished and revved up to go for another spin when it’s over.
But when we’re asked by our friends and loved ones how life has been when we’re catching up, if we reply with, “life has been a roller coaster!” the intention behind it and the feeling we share is that it’s been kind of rough. Of course we’re referring to the highs and lows we’ve been experiencing, but we initially get a sense that, in general, we’ve been feeling the suck. Today, I share with you a short story that takes back the meaning of roller coaster when we refer to our adventurous lives.
Because that is what life is, pure adventure.
If that sounds a bit too sugar coated for you, let me remind you: The deeper we are grounded in the perspective that we are ALWAYS OK, that we are standing in the middle of our well-being 100% of the time and the only thing that keeps us from feeling it is Thought. When we find ourselves in the pits, we may be hypnotized by it momentarily (or not so momentarily), but we can trust that eventually we will naturally shift into more of an observer of our own thinking as opposed to believing we’re messed up, life is falling apart, or everything is going to hell in a handbasket. So our experiences - good and bad - can then just be part of the whole adventure.
Is it really possible to be in the driver’s seat of our experience when we’re feeling shitty? YES! Read on…
The other night, I found myself really exhausted at the end of a long day. I had been in my thoughts about a big project that’s on the move, so I was more than done with myself. As I was driving home, sitting in traffic, the wave of exhaustion and being tired of staying in my thoughts made me cry - it was a good release. I got home, I was alone for the evening so I plopped in front of the TV and ate my dinner. Moments later I felt the sadness coming towards me again, but this time I had to pause the TV to give full attention to what felt like a force running full steam ahead right at me. I knew I couldn’t see it’s face for what it was because it was moving too fast then it hit me and I wept. Full on. I was looking at what was around me and thinking how a book on my coffee table that I’ve been loving didn’t look appealing anymore. I thought about my clients, my future success… I questioned everything. All within a matter of moments and I kept weeping.
Shortly after these few moments of grave sadness passed through me, it was as if I could see clearly again. I thought to myself, “My God! You are weeping as if someone died!” I asked myself out loud, “Am I going to be OK?” And of course, my Wisdom inside of me nodded with an ever so knowing, YES. And within a few breaths, perspective came back to me. I was calm, I remembered all that I knew, then I was moved to take a shower so I took it. I headed to bed after this whirlwind experience that felt incredibly spiritual - though it was painful, I couldn’t help but find it awe-inspiring. I was so grateful for the understanding I have of how our mind works. Even though my insecurity level was quite high, my consciousness stayed quite high also. In the old days when I would experience this type of force of insecure thinking, I would believe it meant something about me, about my life. I would get tossed into an anxiety attack and it would take a few days of analyzing where it came from to gain some relief. This time around, even though those same insecure thoughts flowed through and I had to hold ground… I did just that. I held my ground and rode the wave of sadness. I witnessed myself. I let the gnarly wave of Thought energy kick everything up in my mind and I reminded myself that it was exactly that. It wasn’t real, and it would be gone soon… however painful and uncomfortable, I sat in the experience and reminded myself what I knew.
When I spoke with my husband the next day about it all, he clarified an incredible perspective on the whole experience in a way that I loved. I knew what it was that I was experiencing (Thought), but I couldn’t stop reveling at how intense it was.
“It’s the adventure of living life” he said.
Beautiful. Simple. Ordinary.
That’s exactly it, my love. It’s the adventure of living life. The roller coaster. There’s no need to make sense of it. There’s no need to judge it. It’s just part of the ever evolving experience of being a spiritual being having a human experience on this planet. And it’s in those moments that we learn, we grow, we’re reminded of what we know and what we don’t know; they keep us on our toes and provide texture and color to our lives.
I will continue to be amazed… here’s to your roller coaster.
All my love and see you again very soon~
XO, Jessie
Wow.
I feel free again.
Again?! Where did I lose my freedom, you ask?
Well, I never lost it, but for the last month, I have been so incredibly hyper aware of my thinking. Instead of incredibly let’s go with, annoyingly, hyper aware of my thinking. I’ve been tossed in thought storm after thought storm about my work, where it’s going, what I’m doing to move it forward. I have been craving more. And what’s worse? I haven’t been able to define what that more is. Have you experienced that before? It’s usually the precursor experience to a big change which is exciting, but wow it can be a mess of chaos in my head. I have been in my own little Jessie jail because my awareness that I’m gripped and not enjoying the shift has been irritating me and keeping me stuck in a feeling that wasn’t bad but uncomfortable, like a backseat driver that you’re on a 7 hour journey with. I know that I’m caught up in my own tizzy, my own made-up whirlwind. I know it has nothing to do with anything because no matter how tossed up in my thinking I am, I am fully aware that Divine Mind - the greater intelligence of all things - Universe - has me. No matter how cross-eyed I get, it really doesn’t matter. There is a flow that is moving me forward and tossing me breadcrumbs to give me evidence of it - but even with the breadcrumbs that I’ve seen and this knowing about flow, I have been frozen by my thinking in my down time, trying to ‘figure things out’.
So how did I get back to the feeling of freedom again? How did my thinking walls come crashing down?
I’m so glad you asked because my understanding isn’t actually the answer, it’s quite the opposite.
Knowing what goes on inside of my operating system had actually made me stubbornly determined to get out of this feeling of confusion - how to get to the next level with my work and business - by trying to play volleyball with my thoughts and WIN. Like I was trying to trick the system. Does that make sense? I’ve been strong-arming my thoughts to the ground to triumphantly make space for my Wisdom (ahem, I failed… it doesn’t work that way). See, the beauty of this understanding is, once you know what your thoughts are, you aren’t pulled into them emotionally in the same kind of way ever again. Yes I have felt gripped, annoyed, confused, irritated as of late… but I never felt pulled under water. I haven’t once felt yucky inside, no anxiety or depression - the moment I’ve sat in front of a client or friend or even just being out in the world, my annoying thinking would wash away because that’s it’s nature and I let it. But that’s why it didn’t dawn on me what I was doing to myself. None of my stubborn thought wrestling had resulted in traditional alerts in my body because my understanding of what Thought is had made me still feel content (to a point). Whenever I was previously stuck in my thoughts I would get a tight chest, yucky belly, I’d get super hot and sweaty, but this time I was just sitting around frozen with my thinking face on (the permanent crevasse between my eyebrows has grown deeper by the day).
So what is actually happening when I do all of that wrestling? Just more thinking!!! Here’s what I witnessed in myself: I have been so determined to get through this little phase inside-out, that when my Wisdom came through one day to meditate, I actually said to myself, “No, that’s outside-in, I don’t need to DO something to get through this, my understanding will get me through this!” Oh my god - more thinking that told my Wisdom (which was informing me what to do next, from the inside-out!) to eff off and I believed it (face-palm).
And guess what? The moment I finally said, “Fine! I’ll go sit on the balcony for a few minutes!” BAM! It instantly came through my Wisdom to join a workout class…
What?!
Yes. You heard me right. Join a workout class then everything will become clear about what to do next with my business. And guess what? I haven’t even stepped foot in a class yet but my vision is clearing up again. When I heard that from within, I did some research on what classes sounded exciting - that in itself filled me with joy. From there it came through to get back to meditating in the morning, so I did that first thing this morning. And guess what? I’m sure you guessed it.. more inner promptings! During meditation, it came through to journal again. So I picked up my journal and when I started writing, my vision for the coming months and year spilled out of me, exactly what I’ve been searching for. Then guess what? After having that vision fall out of me, my eyes came off the page and my mouth dropped. I realized that all the opportunities that are swirling around me right now, that have previously brought me a glimmer of insight that they were somehow connected but I couldn’t understand how (that was all part of my frozen thinking), are all absolutely in line with the vision that plopped out of me. Furthermore, I could see how Wisdom that came through me for clients in recent sessions, was also Wisdom that I needed to hear for myself… it’s as if all the pieces to the puzzle fell in place. But again, that’s the beauty of knowing that we’re being pulled forward even when we are distracted by our thinking - it’s just so much more fun to be able to witness it as it’s actually unfolding.
We are an incredible species, us humans, don’t you agree? It’s like our spiritual selves hang back in these scenarios, sipping a Mai Thai, enjoying the view, and thinking to themselves, “They’ll get it together soon.” Then we see one thing and our whole perspective shifts and we’re back in alignment, seeing the magic unfold. What an incredible feeling to know that even when we feel tight, stuck, or challenged, it’s all going to release soon and that blip of time where you felt like you were being dragged through a keyhole backwards was just a period of growth, yet again. None of it is bad or wrong, it just is.
It feels wonderful to be back with you, thank you for allowing me the space to go into a proverbial hole and contemplate my navel. I’ve been missing writing and it feels great to be broken wide open again, I’m so grateful.
I hope you have a wonderful week and if you haven’t already, have so much fun hitting the poles to VOTE if you’re in the States! I personally, cannot wait.
All my love and see you again very soon~
XO, Jessie
Let me ask you this…
Have you ever found yourself in a routine of doing something, whether that be a daily or weekly task or even a tradition with family, and you eventually find yourself feeling like you have to push hard or lift some serious mental weights to make it happen? Maybe it’s going to the gym, your morning meditation, the order in which you do your morning routine or it’s the cookies you always bring to the Christmas party?
Any of these things became a routine in your life, an expectation you placed on your own head, because at SOME point they brought you peace, joy, excitement… a full heart. Then one day, it feels hard, it’s not as fulfilling… but because at one point it was the thing that felt like a game-changer in your life or it was something that brought you and those around you a ton of love, it feels blasphemous to let it go.
Are you with me?
I was just having this discussion with a dear friend who has been getting deeper and deeper into the understanding of how our minds work. Understanding how we operate. Understanding that real change and peace comes from following our own Wisdom, our gut instinct, and that we don’t have to believe our thinking 100% of the time. That real change comes from understanding that when we take action and make decisions from the inside-out we are not lost - it’s when we look for things on the outside to make our insides feel better that we feel more lost than ever.
Apologies… long winded side bar.
Back to my friend.
He had gotten in a routine of journaling and meditating every morning as tools to ease his anxiety (pre learning about this understanding). These tools are absolutely beautiful and there’s nothing wrong with him having them in his life, but with this new understanding, he started to find himself waking up with less and less anxiety yet he felt he had to do his routine, even though it was becoming uninspired - even though he wasn’t necessarily motivated to do them anymore. Once he saw it for himself that it was just a thought in his head that he had to do these things to start his day off on the right foot, he dropped the journaling and found himself newly inspired for his meditation. And who knows! The journaling will more than likely reappear in his life at some point, maybe it already has since we talked, but seeing it clearly that there is much more benefit to his well-being and energy if he journals and meditates when he’s moved to, was a game-changer!
I have brought all of this up to share that I have come across this ‘I have to’ feeling with this beautiful, cathartic, love-filled blog that I share with you. Over the last several weeks as I’ve gotten busier and busier in my days, I’ve felt frustrated, drained and overwhelmed with getting my article out on a Monday (even if it’s 11:59pm, god willing). Something that started out as a way to get deeper into my own understanding and share my story so you all could benefit from the journey and insights I was having, has become a subject of stressful thinking in my mind. Have the last few blogs been in vein? Absolutely not. However, I have had to find ways to strike a match to light the candle within me to be inspired and motivated to stay on this timeline I set up for myself!
SO! In staying in line with what I teach, I am doing for myself exactly what I tell everyone else to live by. After this week, my blog features will be coming to you when it hits me in the gut to share a new revelation or an insight that has taken me deeper. Not only will I be re-inspired, you will feel that inspiration seeping through the screen as well. My writings may very well still be delivered to you on a Monday, because that’s the funny thing about removing an expectation thought, the routine may not change but since there’s nothing on it anymore, the inspiration is back in flow. However, it may come to you on a different day, I may skip a week or you may receive two in one week instead! My inner fire has already been re-ignited and I’m so incredibly grateful you have been here, and ARE here, to witness my journey.
Lastly, I had thought to myself, “But Jessie, it’s called MONDAY Musings! What are you gonna do, just look like a weirdo that sends out a Monday Musings blog on a Saturday?!” And then it hit me… I made up the title, so I can very well change it ;)
How is THAT for a metaphor about EVERYTHING we see in life as fixed, when truly, EVERYTHING is fluid…
All my love and see you on the next Musings release.
XOXO,
Jessie
Hi, I’m Jessie, and I was tricked into being a spiritual person.
Does that sound harsh? I don’t mean it to. I was recently reflecting on my journey to where I am now, what I know to be true about how our mind works and the spiritual component to life that is undeniable, and I was in awe of how I’ve gotten here.
I was at a party Saturday night and in sharing about what I do with a new acquaintance, I shared that I am a spiritual teacher with a Behavioral Mastery practice. They were intrigued… I was intrigued!
“How did I get here?” I thought to myself later with a smile on my face. I grew up in a family who was very open to any and all beliefs that helped people get through life, but we were not religious by any stretch of the imagination. There was no negative talk about spirituality - in fact, anytime we’d get into deep conversations about religion, what my parents always pointed to was how religion had become a form of power and control for many cultures (including within the states), by mistelling the story of a wonderful man who gave a sense of peace and health to those around him, and that the spiritual component was a positive aspect that could help others feel connected to something greater than them so they didn’t feel alone… and who could argue with that?
For the longest time, even up through my twenties, any word that reminded me of religion or God would leave a bad taste in my mouth. I would immediately shut down in my mind - there was no convincing me of something positive that could come from it. BUT you want to hear something crazy?! Two things that completely contradict the first statement of this paragraph. One, my dad would play gospel music from time to time (specifically, Andrae Crouch) and I couldn’t help but dance and sing at the top of my lungs, the feeling it brought me was incredible. Two, I would get the weirdest pull to watch a Sunday morning sermon on tv every now and again (I would inevitably switch it after twenty minutes because the religious angle would take over any nice feeling that I had), but still! Interesting, to say the least! I was intrigued by something bigger without realizing it!
So how did I get here? How did I go from feeling icky saying anything about spirituality to calling myself a spiritual teacher?
I was bamboozled! But in the best of ways…
Throughout my entire life I have looked to my mind for answers. I have been overly analytical since I can remember. Any feeling I had, I analyzed it. Any feelings other people were dealing with? Analyze. Relationships going sour around me? Analyze. Going into adulthood, especially as a performer, any feelings of insecurity (aka MASSIVE insecurity) would baffle me because I loved every element of being a performer. I would analyze myself into the ground (which tended to lead me to the toilet - hello, anxiety!) as to WHY I felt insecure, WHY I had fear, WHY I couldn’t handle myself. And you know what?! I always took on the challenge. It was painful, I suffered so much on the inside, but I was fueled by the discovery, I was fueled by that feeling of release I would feel when I’d uncovered the nugget of old memories or self talk that I perceived as the thing that made me feel awful. And yet (or shall I say, inevitably), the suffering would continue to come back - maybe in a different costume, so I thought I was dealing with a new issue, but it was constant, never ending work.
So one day I changed my outsides by changing my career, thinking that would be the end to all suffering - and of course, it wasn’t. Things got so bad for me that my body started to protect itself from my constant internal struggle. I gained weight, my lymph nodes blew up to the size of golf balls and I was so incredibly unhappy. Any and all tools and management tactics were out the window. I had analyzed myself into a corner and my brain was just frozen with a habitual loop of unhappiness on repeat. Until one day I had an insight. The most beautiful insight that single-handedly changed my life. I was in the shower, I was riddled with so much anxiety that I had a hard time breathing and yet I was past any emotional release like crying. And BAM! It bubbled up. No one was in the shower with me, yet I was reacting as if I had emails in my face and co-workers yelling over me (which they never did in real life anyhow). And it dawned on me that what I was feeling was everything going on in my mind, not what was going on around me! For the first time in months I felt a shift inside me that brought more relief than any over-analyzing result I had ever come to before. If I could see it so clearly in this one moment, I could potentially start seeing my thinking for what it was in ALL the moments of my life!
How does this all connect back to spirituality, you ask?
After that fateful day, I was on a mission to unfold an understanding of the mind set forth by Sydney Banks and his work called the 3 Principles (when I shared my insight with my mom she excitedly proclaimed, “That sounds a lot like the 3 Principles!” so on I went). Syd would refer to the principles as spiritual principles, but they looked so logical to me and fed my intellect in such a way that I bypassed the whole spiritual part and took the literal understanding of how our minds work more to heart. One of the 3 Principles is the principle of Mind, also known as Universal Mind or Divine Mind. This was the most spiritual-esque looking one to me, but it made sense. The greater intelligence of all things that moves through us, around us and connects us; A little beyond my intellect at that time, but the examples he would use would make sense to me and the feeling it brought was immense. One example he used was when we get a cut on our arm, without any effort on our part, our body sends all healing elements to the cut to heal it. Of course there’s science behind what goes to the cut, but what is the actual force behind those elements to get it there? We don’t tell our body “Hey, body! I just got a cut, send red blood cells and new tissue to that gash on my arm!” of course not! That’s the energy of Mind.
As I deepened my understanding over the last few years, and as I’ve shared with you over the last 10 months, belief after belief revealed itself to me as thought, judgements about myself or the ‘way things should be’ revealed themselves as thought, urges and habits revealed themselves as thought, the way I interacted with others and my relationships with them revealed themselves as thought, fears, expectations, anxieties… ALL revealed themselves to me as THOUGHT! And guess where all of this has left me?
If thought has fallen away (most of the time) and it isn’t what dictates my interactions with the world, how I manage to maintain my happiness or how I move forward in my business or relationships anymore, what’s left?
The overwhelming knowing that was HAS me is what IS me. Universal Mind. And with my very own GPS system to navigate Mind - my Wisdom. The more I have seen this for myself, the more I drop out of my thinking into the beautiful feeling of peace and Wisdom within me, the more I see life unfold in front of me. An example of something that would make me incredibly scared and impatient in the past: I now can trust the gaps of space in my business that in the past would give me the illusion of things drying up, but now, knowing that Universal Mind is driven and fueled by love just as we are, I know that that space is a gift, it’s meant to be, for creating, organizing, rejuvenating - whatever it is that I need to be filled up to continue to give back and teach. There’s a knowing and a trust that I never thought was possible. And guess what?! It allows me to continue to LIVE, even in the moments that could press me to go outside of myself to try to hurry things along. It doesn’t work. It’s all inside-out. And it’s all spiritual. Though I can share an expansive array of evidence from my life that proves this spiritual energy exists, you can’t see it - but you can feel it. Even now, if you’re uneasy with trusting a greater Wisdom via your own Wisdom, if you feel peaceful reading this, it’s because it’s a truth that your spiritual self already knows exists, it’s just waiting for you to turn off the tv upstairs and hold hands with it. It’s OK to not ‘know’ things and still trust them to be true.
Pure magic over LA on a very ordinary day…
Take it from me, the previously proclaimed non-spiritual optimist. The moment you drop out of your personal thinking mind and start opening yourself up to seeing things differently - seeing a deeper meaning to life’s ups and downs - Universal Mind will show you the most immense, connected, love-filled experience of life you could ever imagine. Moments are full, interactions are magical, and gratitude and love knows no bounds - and all without any thinking effort whatsoever.
Here’s to you and all the magic that you are~
All my love and see you next week,
Jessie
It hit me out of no where.
I needed a breath of fresh air so I stepped out onto my balcony to take a moment of quiet to myself and without any hesitation…. WHAM! My chest filled with pure love, I bowed my head in gratitude and started to weep. I wasn’t expecting it at all - I had literally followed a feeling within me that it would be a good idea to step outside, and the feeling that poured out of me once I did was overwhelming.
It has been quite a month in my world. I have been graced with clients of every variety, and for the first time, I am seeing for myself exactly what Elsie Spittle always says about her practice. One, that her students and clients are amongst her greatest teachers and two (this may have originated from someone else, but I’ve heard her say it), that what she knows for sure is that she knows nothing. When I’ve heard these sayings in the past, I would have never admitted it to you, but my ego would massively get in the way and tell me that they couldn’t be true for me. With as much respect and love I have for Elsie, I couldn’t see her perspective. How could one be helping others if they didn’t know anything? How can you expect to teach if who you’re teaching is teaching you? My heart would struggle with the idea because there was a feeling inside of me that was pointing me in the direction of her truth, but I couldn’t release it for myself. Like a kid in a toy store unwilling to put down a toy once you’ve told them they don’t get to take it home with them.
Then it became loud and clear to me throughout these last several weeks. Every time I would approach a new mentoring session, I couldn’t help but get into my intellect a bit. I would start to craft some ideas of what I thought may be helpful in guiding them in this understanding, whether it be completely new information to the client, or giving them a shift in perspective to help them get unstuck out of a feeling. But every single time, the moment I sat down in front of them, all of that intellect would get washed away and what would come through me in session would be exactly what they, and I, needed to hear. It was absolutely incredible. Elsie’s words started to click and I realized in the biggest possible way, how the spiritual nature to our existence is so immense that it’s hard to wrap your mind around it. My experience, the feeling and Wisdom that would rise up to guide me, was my greatest teacher, and I wouldn’t know those things to share, until they came through me to share them. What peace to know that Wisdom always has me.
I have spoken about our Wisdom and how it’s connected to Universal Mind (the greater intelligence of all things, the energy behind life) many times. How when we quiet our mind and tune into our gut, we are consistently nudged in the direction of showing up to life in our true nature which then guides us in the direction of our ultimate potential; Even if the direction looks difficult, uncomfortable or scary, merely because it’s different. It’s as if every time I’ve spoken about it, I’ve had an idea of how powerful this concept was, and of course I had seen evidence in my own life as well as others of how life unfolds when you follow that inner prompting. But something has massively shifted yet again for me. My previous experiences from my little adjustments here and there definitely pointed me in the right direction so I could teach what I knew… but as if Universal Mind decided it was time for me to take the lesson to an even deeper level, I was gifted with referral after referral, and my intellect couldn’t keep up with me. I realized I previously felt certain about what I knew because I could explain it from my intellect which would ring true for others in their intellect. But by the end of last week, I was no longer speaking from that space. My certainty came from the feeling of my true nature, home - within me. When I shared from that feeling, the true essence of who I am and what I have experienced naturally connected to the true essence of the client in front of me and the feeling they began to experience began to organically teach them exactly what they needed to hear. In turn, what came out of their mouth, deepened my own understanding.
I continue to live in a constant state of awe of this understanding. Every experience is showing up to guide you deeper into your true nature. I can absolutely see for myself how the moment I think I’ve ‘got’ something, life immediately presents a similar lesson in a different costume to expand my awareness and understanding of how we are so much greater and grander than ‘getting’ one tiny stitch of a lesson on the beautiful quilt of life. However it is also due to each stitch that we become more and more whole, that we get settled within our own knowing, that each moment that passes becomes more full and the gratitude for it all becomes more overwhelming.
As Syd Banks would say, “We are spiritual beings who think.” I know that I will see that more clearly as each days passes by, but trusting each experience for the Wisdom it provides within me, makes me realize the depth of truth in those six ‘simple’ words.
“We are spiritual beings who think”
What does that bring up for you?
All my love and see you next week~
Jessie
No matter who you are, no matter what you do, where you are from, who you were raised by, what your circumstances were growing up; No matter your age, your relationship status, the color of your skin or the culture you're immersed in... WE ALL seek the same things.
Belonging, safety, love, peace, joy, purpose, happiness, success, health...
Can you take a wild guess as to where you find them or who you need in your life to achieve such graces?
You might've guessed it but I'll put it to you loud and clear...
You have them all, and then-some, within you, RIGHT NOW.
Prepping to write this, I sat for a few minutes with my eyes closed, my forehead relaxed and my tongue released from the roof of my mouth (I highly recommend doing this right now if you aren't already). I put on one of my favorite meditation tunes from my husband (Click here if you'd like it for yourself), and I imagined myself falling back... into myself. Does that make sense? I visualized myself literally falling backwards, or rather, floating backwards, into an abyss... into my Consciousness. The feeling that washed over me was pure peace and tranquility, then the tears came. Tears of immense gratitude for feeling all of those graces I mentioned above: Belonging, safety, love, peace, joy, purpose, happiness, success, health.
Now if I threw you for a little loop by saying consciousness, never fear, I am here to share how I came to understanding it more clearly for myself. It has taken some chipping away at the overused version of the word that often times brings thoughts and feelings of hierarchy or someone achieving some level of understanding that you will never achieve. Divine Consciousness is purely our gift of awareness that resides within ALL of us, all the time. It is within this awareness that we can realize for ourselves that we have all of the answers to all of our life's qualms... answers to questions that each and every one of us has. As Sydney Banks says in his profound book that I refer to on a consistent basis for deepening my understanding of our experience of life, The Missing Link:
Mental health lies within the consciousness of all human beings, but it is shrouded and held prisoner by our own erroneous thoughts.
Side bar: Those thoughts are why our level of consciousness can go up and down throughout the day. When we're believing our stressful thinking {still happens to me, even if just for a moment - I'm human, too!}, our consciousness is in the ground because we're flailing around trying to find answers in those crappy thoughts as opposed to our wisdom, our gut instinct. When we are peaceful inside, in flow with our wisdom, we have a higher consciousness because we are aware that our knowing has us, and will continue to reveal answers as we need them. Ok, carry on with Syd...
This is why we must look past our contaminated thoughts to find the purity and wisdom that lies inside our own consciousness.
When the wise tell us to look within, they are directing us beyond intellectual analysis of personal thought, to a higher order of knowledge called wisdom.
Like the sun, your wisdom is always present beyond the clouds of your erroneous thoughts
Isla Mujeres, Mexico
When I fell back into myself in my brief meditation, those tears of gratitude were not only coming from the peace that washed over me from feeling the depth of truth that all which we seek lies within us; But from this place I felt expansive, a deep feeling of love that unleashed a flood of memories where I felt this same feeling because I was present and totally aware (conscious) of how pure the moment was. Nothing that was extraordinary, but absolutely ordinary: flashes of memories with my family sitting around the table with coffee or going on a bike ride, me at a tiny age in the back seat of my parent's car, collecting myself to head out on an exciting day trip adventure. My husband and I on a walk talking about our dreams, watching a sunset in Joshua Tree on vacation with my friends who are family, a moment where I sobbed in traffic because immense gratitude hit me so hard I couldn't contain myself, looking up at the stars during an outdoor summer concert...
Have you had these types of experiences? The kind where something hits you out of no where and you think to yourself how perfect a moment, an experience or a feeling is? And you're totally aware of it and grateful for it? You even say to yourself "I want to remember this forever."
In those moments, you were just completely aware of YOU - the brush and branches of any thinking that may have normally gotten in the way was gone, and you were experiencing YOURSELF in pure alignment form. It may have looked like it was the experience you were having that brought on all of those beautiful feelings, but you were truly just experiencing yourself, shining bright and effortless. The more you can realize for yourself that that IS you 100% of the time, even when you are distracted by your thinking, the more your thinking will stop distracting you. The feeling is so incredibly amazing that you'll naturally continue to make the effort to ignore your stressful thoughts. Like I've said many times before about this understanding: it feels like pure magic that no one told us we had.
Throughout your day, whenever you experience peace wash over you, even if it's just for a moment, pause to sit with it if you can or at the very least, just notice it. If you are reading this and thinking "There is no way I can have even a moment of what she is talking about - I work a stressful 9-5, I have kids, I have to make the meals, I barely even have time to take a crap in a peaceful state of mind." Well, to that I say, you are proving my point that we all innocently believe that the life that goes on outside of us is where we seek: Belonging, safety, love, peace, joy, purpose, happiness, success, health... But the truth is, when you are aware of what exists within you underneath the chaos of your mind, it makes no difference where you are, what you're doing or who you're interacting with - you can experience consistent, beautiful peace inside - because it's YOU; And nothing outside of yourself can take you away from YOU, only you can do that by continuing to believe your old script.
As a 15 year old client of mine said so clearly to me the other day when she had a huge insight into her anxiety, "OMG! It's like I'm choosing to get caught up in my own drama! My thoughts are my drama! They aren't real, they're just drama!"
Mmhmmm.....
All my love and see you next week,
Jessie
