Let me ask you something... how often do you find yourself judging yourself or other folks? Be honest... there’s no judgement coming from me whatsoever because we all find ourselves doing it, even if it’s harmful - especially to ourselves (we do that more often then we even realize.. right?) Why do you suppose we do it so often? Have judgement? We can take this from many different angles, but I’d like for you to consider the source... the seed to that judgement. Instead of analyzing the many possibilities of details we could analyze, let’s consider something even more simple. Let’s pull this puppy up from the roots.
First let me ask you... did you come into this world judging others? Did you come into this world judging yourself? Have you ever noticed that it’s a common practice when we’re caring for toddlers who are beginning to walk, that if the toddler falls, instead of hovering over them or making a big fuss, we instead keep our voices high and the energy celebratory? Like “Whoops! Bonk! You’re OK!! You just fell and you can get back up again!” Why is that? It’s as if we know something deep down about helping that little babe to not attach fear or judgement that something is wrong with them or to them trying something new. It’s inherent in us to want to allow that baby to have freedom of mind when it comes to the beginning stages of walking, knowing that if we burdened them with our own worries, it could potentially stop them from trying; Or they could become fearful of trying, and it could influence the way they try new things moving forward. It’s so intuitive. And yet, when it comes to so many other subjects and facets in our lives, we have been influenced over and over and over again, from our loved ones and people in our lives who have had an opinion on the way that we act or do things, or we take into consideration the way we hear our nearest and dearest judge and have an opinion of others. And of course, there are the opinions and judgements that we see and hear all day every day from messaging in media, personalities that we love, celebrities, brands, pop culture, the culture we come from, it’s endless! Why do you think we take in all of these opinions we hear and immediately absorb them into our psyche? From my point of view, love and belonging... it’s all we ever want. It’s all we need on a basic level as a baby, and it’s all we desire as adults.
But get reflective for a moment if you aren’t already - when we hear our loved one’s judge others, we clock it because we don’t want to be judged the same way out of fear that they would view us differently... leading to not feeling loved or having belonging with that person. When someone has an opinion of us that isn’t quite right but we love them deeply, we may begin acting accordingly to that opinion - take it on as a part of our personality - out of fear of losing love and belonging if we were to speak up and say that their opinion of us isn’t actually US. That what they see isn’t who we actually are.
All of what I’m talking about here is conditioned thinking - other peoples thinking that you have absorbed as your own. Other people’s opinions, that you have absorbed as your own. We all have them and they live in our ego mind - and ego is merely thinking that you have about who you think you are and how you think life works. And our egos are full to the brim of beliefs that aren’t ours. They’re also full of past experiences that brought us pain or insecurity or doubt.
That is where our judgements originate from.
When we’re aware of our conditioned thinking and can separate ourselves from it by looking at it objectively, we naturally don’t judge ourselves or others as harshly because we know that we are all just doing our best with whatever conditioned thinking we’re functioning with in that moment. As Father Greg from Homeboy Industries says (who also happens to be next week’s guest on the podcast)…
“Stand in awe of people and what they carry, as opposed to judgement in how they carry it.”
All of this is incredibly freeing to begin to notice because not only will you find yourself not judging others nearly as much, but you begin to judge YOURSELF far less. I still trip myself up with judgements of myself and I will definitely be tripping myself up and unlearning for the rest of my life BUT it isn’t necessary to go on a mission to seek out your conditioned beliefs and work at untethering them all... just beginning to notice them is like pulling the thread that unravels everything. Or like Natalia shared in this week’s interview on the podcast, it’s like pushing a button and watching everything drop. The implications of watching everything drop is that you’ll wake up to who YOU truly are before your personality was created, who YOU are before your conditioned thoughts take a hold of you, and you’ll naturally feel a deep sense of love and belonging because it never went anywhere in the first place.
Love is inherent in who you are, belonging to yourself and to others is inherent in our nature. We inherently belong to each other, the only thing that ever divides us is the thinking that comes between us. Between each other as humans and between us and life.
So what is the takeaway for today? Get curious. If you’d like to wake up to your conditioned thinking and you don’t even know how to begin... just be willing to notice your own judgements. When you’re harsh with yourself, don’t take the bait... instead... attempt to look at it objectively and get curious as to where it even comes from. I can guarantee you that it’s root is a story you’ve take seriously as a fact of life and who you are, that you can lovingly make peace with as a part of your old self …and say goodbye to.
I stand in awe of you.
Sending love in all directions and I’ll see you next week...
Jess
